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major development with DS
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 755964" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I am talking about my own child, although I think that she is going through the same things your kids are. I see no difference...she is homeless, mentally ill and miserable...that goes with those things sadly. I certainly don't think to speak for other people. Josh sounds a lot like Kay, but that means nothing. I do think about Kay's sadness, therefore my own, in relation to her adoption. My other two kids and me have an unshakable bond and always did and I feel strongly always will. We are incredibly alike which helps. Kay is very different and that sort of intense bond was never there. So I am talking about my family. What I see. What I know about us. The guilt I have felt. The distance Kay has put between all of us. Let's not forget that she has also pretty much abandoned her son. This woman was damaged by being adopted, her anger at being rejected, her desire to meet "my people" (this hurts).</p><p></p><p>Now I know people with thriving adopted kids who are close to them. But I also know that half the kids who make it into therapy are adopted. Perhaps they are like Kay, feeling out of place, wanting to look in the mirror and know why she looks this way (she has said this) and wanting to know why she is so naturally musically gifted...where it came from....because it did not come from us. I know that I would have gone childless, which I was told would happen if I did not adopt, rather than reach out and love a child who is not happy to be here...who is actually the opposite. I did not adopt Kay to make her sad. I have cried buckets over this.</p><p></p><p>Now I know there are biological kids who bring their parents here. I don't know what makes them sad. But I know why Kay is sad and unattached. Compared to my other two kids she is a deliberate stranger. The bond between us makes me feel guilty because Kay always claimed she was different from all of us and did not belong. Oh, the guilt!</p><p></p><p>We tried so hard to help her feel our love and support.</p><p></p><p>I know Kay is not the only adopted child who feels like an outsider. Kay does. She does not believe that she can be the high achiever the rest of us are and it breaks my heart. So her solution seems to be to not try and to distance herself from us....and from everyone except Lee.</p><p></p><p>I am sharing because this forum is for this purpose.</p><p></p><p>Take what you like and leave the rest.</p><p></p><p>Beta, I get the behavior and send blessings for all. I hope your son becomes changed for the better. Hugs and love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 755964, member: 23706"] I am talking about my own child, although I think that she is going through the same things your kids are. I see no difference...she is homeless, mentally ill and miserable...that goes with those things sadly. I certainly don't think to speak for other people. Josh sounds a lot like Kay, but that means nothing. I do think about Kay's sadness, therefore my own, in relation to her adoption. My other two kids and me have an unshakable bond and always did and I feel strongly always will. We are incredibly alike which helps. Kay is very different and that sort of intense bond was never there. So I am talking about my family. What I see. What I know about us. The guilt I have felt. The distance Kay has put between all of us. Let's not forget that she has also pretty much abandoned her son. This woman was damaged by being adopted, her anger at being rejected, her desire to meet "my people" (this hurts). Now I know people with thriving adopted kids who are close to them. But I also know that half the kids who make it into therapy are adopted. Perhaps they are like Kay, feeling out of place, wanting to look in the mirror and know why she looks this way (she has said this) and wanting to know why she is so naturally musically gifted...where it came from....because it did not come from us. I know that I would have gone childless, which I was told would happen if I did not adopt, rather than reach out and love a child who is not happy to be here...who is actually the opposite. I did not adopt Kay to make her sad. I have cried buckets over this. Now I know there are biological kids who bring their parents here. I don't know what makes them sad. But I know why Kay is sad and unattached. Compared to my other two kids she is a deliberate stranger. The bond between us makes me feel guilty because Kay always claimed she was different from all of us and did not belong. Oh, the guilt! We tried so hard to help her feel our love and support. I know Kay is not the only adopted child who feels like an outsider. Kay does. She does not believe that she can be the high achiever the rest of us are and it breaks my heart. So her solution seems to be to not try and to distance herself from us....and from everyone except Lee. I am sharing because this forum is for this purpose. Take what you like and leave the rest. Beta, I get the behavior and send blessings for all. I hope your son becomes changed for the better. Hugs and love. [/QUOTE]
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