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The Watercooler
Making a Baby - (joke)
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 485293" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Making a Baby....</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">This is hilarious!</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!</span></span></strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' </span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' </span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!' </span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. </span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Yes', the photographer replied 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' </span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'</span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Tripod?'</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Mrs.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Smith</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">fainted</span></span></strong></p> </p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 485293, member: 4964"] [CENTER][CENTER][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]Making a Baby....[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"][/FONT][/COLOR][/CENTER][CENTER][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]This is hilarious![/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny![/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !. After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.' 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!' 'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith. 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"][/FONT][/COLOR][/CENTER][CENTER][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. 'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..' 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]'Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look' 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. 'Yes', the photographer replied 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?' 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..' 'Tripod?'[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"]'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT="Arial"]Mrs.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT="Arial"]Smith[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT="Arial"]fainted[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][/CENTER][/CENTER] [/QUOTE]
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