making someone leave

[nlg319]

Please, Please, Please don't feel you have to apologize for venting. I do it ALL the time and if I lose being able to use this forum as a sounding board, I will become a raving lunatic!

As far as the marriage and whether to kick him out or not, YOU have to make that decision and be clear about it, But think it all through first. I am in an unhappy marriage but we get along. We live like roommates. He is perfectly content with the way things are...no sex, no intimate connection, just real good buddies! I am not happy with that. We go to marriage counseling but have never been able to address the lack of connection between us because we always end up talking about the kids.

A few weeks ago I posted about wanting to leave my marriage and I needed a plan. I got a part time job, Mondays and Tuesdays from 3pm-9pm, and I hope to become full time once the kids are in school. I need to re-establish my career and save some money before I can do anything. I applied for Section 8 Housing, and was put on the waiting list, which of course is years long. My husband found the letter from housing stating they acknowledge my application. He asked me what it was for and I answered that I wanted to get information. My husband is the King of Denial. We never mentioned it again, and he contiues to act like everything is just great. I know that it is different. I have been unhappy for the past 4 years and have told him over and over what makes me unhappy, and what is lacking in our marriage. I have written him letters because he is not very easy to talk to, and he just keeps acting like things are ok. I want more out of a marriage than a friendship. I want to be able to post that my husband is my best friend, my Rock. He is not. He adds more problems because he engages with the kids and all the petty little stuff.

Wow, I did not expect to type this much, just wanted to share. I do have a plan and when I see a clear way out, I will go.

 

[Stella Johnson]

I'm a divorced mom and have been since difficult child was 1. Keep in mind that the grass is always greener on the other side.

If your husband is the only one who can care for the kids while you work and go to school, what is your plan if you do get him out?
It isn't easy by any means. My difficult child was kicked out of every day care in our area when she was younger. Now she is manageable but it used to be a nightmare.

So, whatever you are paying now add childcare costs to that. I was broke for years and barely scraping by until difficult child got a little older.

I can totally understand being irate when you come home after a long day of school and work to find husband in bed. It would eat at me as well. I would probably lose it.

It sounds like he is depressed. Normal ppl don't spend that much time sleeping. If you get him out, this may get worse and you will be able to count on him even less with the children. My ex disappeared for 4 or 5 years after our divorce. Started doing drugs and was living on the street. Hence, no child support.

Now, on the flip side I am the only parent so what I say goes. There is no one to argue with me on what is best for difficult child. I only have one person to care for and I don't have to worry about taking care of a grown up child any longer.

As far as getting him out, you really need a lawyer. Every state is different. Changing the locks may do no good. He owns part of the house and could just call a locksmith.

Divorce sounds good right now but it is not. Even an amicable divorce is hard emotionally. If it ends up an all out war like mine did it can drive you into the ground. I was so close to completely going out of my mind when mine was going on that it took years before my head was screwed on straight again.

Don't make any rash decisions. This is a big deal. Think long and hard before you do anything.

(((hugs)))

Steph