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Malignant Narcissism
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 675084" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Mazes, yes life is a-mazing.</p><p>At times confusing, but amazing.......</p><p>I like the one on the bottom, as I am fond of the swirls. Hawaiians call these piko (peeko) or centers.</p><p></p><p><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2712/4299190350_3dc1766b7b.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p>Piko are represented in many petroglyphs found island wide.</p><p></p><p>I like the rocks, too, there is something about rocks.</p><p></p><p>Solid, ancient, withstanding the test of time.</p><p></p><p>In my journey in the maze of discovery with my FOO, right now, I am gazing up at the tall bushes, looking for the center.</p><p></p><p>I have always done paper maze puzzles, from the center, finding it easier to get to the beginning, from the ending, so to speak.</p><p>I think I thought I was pretty centered, now I am not sure. You know that wooden game box, with the silver balls, and one has to move and tilt the top, so the ball does not fall into the maze of cutouts? I think I fell in, guys......</p><p></p><p> Yes, it is two entirely different objectives. Do you find this with friends, sometimes, or acquaintances, that some folks just seem to be in relationship for what they are able to acquire from you?</p><p></p><p> So true.</p><p></p><p> Thank you Cedar, this is true, like trying to piece together a puzzle, that is so jumbled and mixed up with other puzzle pieces....I never could quite fathom the motive...and it is too much to try to describe or even understand. Is this why these people are so good at what they do, because others can not even imagine coming from the place they do?</p><p></p><p> Yes, true, but my leaving, affects my Mom, who has such little time....</p><p>So I am planning to leave partially. I will not show them all of me.</p><p>It is the same coping skill I used as a child. I stopped being myself in front of them, because the reaction was so awful.</p><p></p><p> I find this to be true. In all cases where I have come across bullish narcissistic people, they have no empathy. It seems that people become pawns in their game. They form relationships with people who are <em>useful </em>to them.</p><p>They appear to be without <em>conscience</em> as well.</p><p></p><p> I think this relates to not seeing ourselves through their eyes.</p><p></p><p> Me, too. I am <em>too sensitive</em>.....</p><p></p><p></p><p>The negative voices......get out of my head....I can do this and I will. <em>The fuzzily remembered background snickering and scoffing.</em></p><p>If I fail, at least I tried. I will do this. Fighting with my own self.....but it is not myself, it is the memories......</p><p> Yes, shock Cedar, this is where I am, shock.</p><p></p><p> I like this Serenity, good for you. I am me, you guys are losing out (FOO), too bad for you.</p><p></p><p> Yes Copa, this is true. So, when we do not sacrifice ourselves, do we then have to work at redefining ourselves?</p><p>If our whole lives were based on this, then what?</p><p></p><p></p><p>I am loving this imagery. Just now, I am in the lost stage in the maze, trying to find a way to freedom, to centered. Then reaching center, do we stay there?</p><p> Me, too.</p><p></p><p> A quasi form of ourselves. I am still engaged with my FOO. In order to be that, and to <em>be a part of</em>, I have to withhold pieces of myself.</p><p>But, do not we have different personas, all of us?</p><p>Do we not have different presentations of ourselves, according to who we are interacting with?</p><p>So, we would not speak, and act the same with a true intimate friend, as we would with someone who we have just met. Or even, people we have known for a long time, who are in different positions in our lives, but require a more reserved, polite version?</p><p></p><p>I guess I am learning, that part of my problem with my FOO, is that I should KNOW by now, that to be completely myself is unacceptable to them.</p><p>So, I will be what is acceptable. I can do this. I have other avenues in my life, where I can be me. So, I shall have to assume the role, when I am in contact with them.</p><p></p><p>Is that weird, guys?</p><p></p><p>If I am off key in my writing, please forgive me, I am in the fog and stuck within the maze. It is okay, I am no longer panicked. I went through several days with periods of shortness of breath, a kind of not being able to get a good breath, or finish a yawn. Then looking it up, found out stress and anxiety causes this. This led to palpitations, which are very uncomfortable, to say the least. That is why I wrote in another post, that I was affected physically.</p><p></p><p>So, I am practicing good breathing.</p><p></p><p>I am glad to have a couple of weeks off, to sort through things without having to get up daily and go to work. I would be in my bed, too Copa, if I could. But, I have to get going and clean, and drive Boy to and from practice.</p><p></p><p>This is hard sisters.</p><p></p><p>I am trying.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for all of your help, kind words and sharing. It is just what I need.</p><p></p><p>It is like you are on the outside of the maze encouraging me onward.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, I am not feeling very Christmasy........I do not want to be a Debbie downer. I suppose I am Eeyore right now</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]CQI0E1WCLMU[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>I have to shake myself out of these doldrums, grandson is coming home from college, and we will be making cookies next week.</p><p></p><p>Off to scrub the house and put up some decorations. I will listen to some music, too. This should help.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 675084, member: 19522"] Mazes, yes life is a-mazing. At times confusing, but amazing....... I like the one on the bottom, as I am fond of the swirls. Hawaiians call these piko (peeko) or centers. [IMG]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2712/4299190350_3dc1766b7b.jpg[/IMG] Piko are represented in many petroglyphs found island wide. I like the rocks, too, there is something about rocks. Solid, ancient, withstanding the test of time. In my journey in the maze of discovery with my FOO, right now, I am gazing up at the tall bushes, looking for the center. I have always done paper maze puzzles, from the center, finding it easier to get to the beginning, from the ending, so to speak. I think I thought I was pretty centered, now I am not sure. You know that wooden game box, with the silver balls, and one has to move and tilt the top, so the ball does not fall into the maze of cutouts? I think I fell in, guys...... Yes, it is two entirely different objectives. Do you find this with friends, sometimes, or acquaintances, that some folks just seem to be in relationship for what they are able to acquire from you? So true. Thank you Cedar, this is true, like trying to piece together a puzzle, that is so jumbled and mixed up with other puzzle pieces....I never could quite fathom the motive...and it is too much to try to describe or even understand. Is this why these people are so good at what they do, because others can not even imagine coming from the place they do? Yes, true, but my leaving, affects my Mom, who has such little time.... So I am planning to leave partially. I will not show them all of me. It is the same coping skill I used as a child. I stopped being myself in front of them, because the reaction was so awful. I find this to be true. In all cases where I have come across bullish narcissistic people, they have no empathy. It seems that people become pawns in their game. They form relationships with people who are [I]useful [/I]to them. They appear to be without [I]conscience[/I] as well. I think this relates to not seeing ourselves through their eyes. Me, too. I am [I]too sensitive[/I]..... The negative voices......get out of my head....I can do this and I will. [I]The fuzzily remembered background snickering and scoffing.[/I] If I fail, at least I tried. I will do this. Fighting with my own self.....but it is not myself, it is the memories...... Yes, shock Cedar, this is where I am, shock. I like this Serenity, good for you. I am me, you guys are losing out (FOO), too bad for you. Yes Copa, this is true. So, when we do not sacrifice ourselves, do we then have to work at redefining ourselves? If our whole lives were based on this, then what? I am loving this imagery. Just now, I am in the lost stage in the maze, trying to find a way to freedom, to centered. Then reaching center, do we stay there? Me, too. A quasi form of ourselves. I am still engaged with my FOO. In order to be that, and to [I]be a part of[/I], I have to withhold pieces of myself. But, do not we have different personas, all of us? Do we not have different presentations of ourselves, according to who we are interacting with? So, we would not speak, and act the same with a true intimate friend, as we would with someone who we have just met. Or even, people we have known for a long time, who are in different positions in our lives, but require a more reserved, polite version? I guess I am learning, that part of my problem with my FOO, is that I should KNOW by now, that to be completely myself is unacceptable to them. So, I will be what is acceptable. I can do this. I have other avenues in my life, where I can be me. So, I shall have to assume the role, when I am in contact with them. Is that weird, guys? If I am off key in my writing, please forgive me, I am in the fog and stuck within the maze. It is okay, I am no longer panicked. I went through several days with periods of shortness of breath, a kind of not being able to get a good breath, or finish a yawn. Then looking it up, found out stress and anxiety causes this. This led to palpitations, which are very uncomfortable, to say the least. That is why I wrote in another post, that I was affected physically. So, I am practicing good breathing. I am glad to have a couple of weeks off, to sort through things without having to get up daily and go to work. I would be in my bed, too Copa, if I could. But, I have to get going and clean, and drive Boy to and from practice. This is hard sisters. I am trying. Thank you for all of your help, kind words and sharing. It is just what I need. It is like you are on the outside of the maze encouraging me onward. I am sorry, I am not feeling very Christmasy........I do not want to be a Debbie downer. I suppose I am Eeyore right now [MEDIA=youtube]CQI0E1WCLMU[/MEDIA] I have to shake myself out of these doldrums, grandson is coming home from college, and we will be making cookies next week. Off to scrub the house and put up some decorations. I will listen to some music, too. This should help. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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