Mama recovery time?

[Last ♡ Hope]

Ugh, so we've had a rough week to say the least. It's bad enough when school goes bad, and then evenings at home go bad, but it's really hard on me when I've had to deal with behaviors publicly in the course of doing something that had to get done. difficult child had an upper GI/small bowel scan yesterday, and had to be NPO 8 hours prior. He was allowed to take his morning medications with a small sip of water and only because I explained how futile the whole process would be without them. Well since he took them on an empty stomach, they wore off about halfway through the three hour process. Of course it's just me and the baby so let me tell you, it was interesting. I'm trying to talk him down with a baby on my hip and he's calling the nurses b***es and threatening to kill them while thrashing and trying to kick out the x-ray glass plates, etc. It was awful. I kept apologizing to everyone and reassuring them that about an hour after he gets his medications he'll be a changed boy.... Anyway, for the rest of the day yesterday, and all day today, I haven't wanted to leave the house. I mean I *DO*, because I'm going stir crazy cooped up like this, but I feel like my psychic energy is just drained. Like I simply cannot risk taking him out because I don't know what'll happen and I don't have the strength to deal with whatever comes up. I have a headache from sitting around too much. Ugh. I hate this. Does anyone else just hole up after a disaster? Is it normal to need two days to recuperate until you feel strong enough to take difficult child out in public and face the world again, or am I just slowly crumbling here?

 

[cassiemoun]

Ugh. That sounds super stressful. Sorry you had to go through that.

Personally, I feel like I need more than a few days to recover from intense emotional times with GFC. And like you, I also have a young child, which even on their best days, they require so MUCH of you as a mom.

Do you have family or friends that can help with your young child when you have to do things with- your GFC? Do you get time for yourself, alone?

I recently started volunteering at a horse ranch once a week. That quiet time is amazing and I know it's helping me.

 

[Last ♡ Hope]

I really don't. Everyone works during the day, no one can afford to take time off to help and I don't have the money to pay for drop-in care anywhere. So I bring a 17 month old to all IEP meetings, counseling appointments, psychiatric visits, etc. poor kid is gonna be one preschooler well-versed in difficult child-care.

 

[Wiped Out]

First off, sending gentle hugs your way. I completely understand how you feel. After times like this I think it is normal for you to not want to take him out. My difficult child was very similar at that age (actually still is in many ways).

You really do need (and deserve) some alone time. During the evening is your 16 year old able to babysit? For me exercise really helps in dealing with the stress of my difficult child and easy child/difficult child. Reading is also an escape for me.

 

[HaoZi]

Yeah, it takes some recovery time.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Yes, I know that cooped-up feeling... not that my situation is as bad, but, there's lots of days when I can't let K1 out of eyesight for even a minute... and I'm a total introvert who has to have my space. There's been times when I haven't been out of the house more than once per week, for weeks on end...

Creative solutions... once the kids (as in, the younger 2, or 3 depending on bedtimes) are asleep, do NOT do housework, or laundry, or anything else that "has" to get done, until you take an hour for yourself... This is YOUR "magic hour". For me, it was a hot bath (with luxury stuff), a good book and a cup of premium tea. One hour, just for me. That might not be the right thing for your "magic hour" - it might be music, it might be baking, its anything that provides a mental and emotional escape. But it HAS to be an hour - even if its at midnight! (mine usually are!!) If its a book, it can't be reading up on stuff about the kids, either... this is for YOU. Take it. No guilt. It re-charges your batteries, and makes it easier to cope.

Good Luck!!

 

[Malika]

I echo the ideas given here - time for you, doing what sustains and fulfils you and that is nothing to do with looking after children, is really a necessary refuelling exercise...
When I read the description of how your son was without his medications - threatening to kill people, swearing at nurses, I have to admit I was scared. Scared at what happened when the medications are withdrawn - presumably this is some kind of "come down" effect from them? I am not trying to be provocative here but I am trying to look objectively at the whole medications thing. Could you explain more about your son's diagnosis and what the medications are that he is taking - there seem to be a lot? I am completely open to being persuaded they are necessary. I would just like to understand more.
Hugs to you.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I agree about taking time for yourself. I remember the days when I didn't/couldn't take difficult child ANYWHERE! It was sooooo stressful - heck, at 15.5 we still have a few days like that!

The early mornings were more my time than the evenings. I was so tired at night, sometimes it was all I could do to drag myself to bed after he was down. Maybe this weekend you could have your daughter watch them for an hour or two and you could go browse a book store with a cup of premium coffee or tea or maybe even go catch a movie.

Hang in there.

Sharon

 

[Last ♡ Hope]

I echo the ideas given here - time for you, doing what sustains and fulfils you and that is nothing to do with looking after children, is really a necessary refuelling exercise...
When I read the description of how your son was without his medications - threatening to kill people, swearing at nurses, I have to admit I was scared. Scared at what happened when the medications are withdrawn - presumably this is some kind of "come down" effect from them? I am not trying to be provocative here but I am trying to look objectively at the whole medications thing. Could you explain more about your son's diagnosis and what the medications are that he is taking - there seem to be a lot? I am completely open to being persuaded they are necessary. I would just like to understand more.
Hugs to you.

Well, the way he is when he comes off his medications is the way he was *before* the medications and the reason we started down the path of medications in the first place. Because he's just *that* scary. So, in short, I don't think the scariness is due to medication withdrawl, it's due to that just being his unmedicated 'default' so-to-speak. :[

ETA: Prior to medications he was kicked out of daycares and I was told time and time again by teachers and finally directors that they believed he got something out of hurting others and was completely without remorse afterwards. The implication being that my then 2-3-4 year old child was a budding sociopath. After medications he's still violently explosive, but slightly fewer explosions/day and able to calm down sooner and articulate feeling VERY remorseful and ashamed of himself afterwards. And he IS remorseful. Almost to the point of being suicidal afterwards. :'(

 

[Mamablue5]

I know I am new here and feel a little odd replying already but I can offer something on this subject.I can say for the most part that most days here are rough.When hubby does come home He himself will send me to my room.For me true relaxing comes from a quiet room with my laptop.It is amazing but i dont even realize how much i need it until I get in there and starting winding down.So i urge anyone with a stressful day to day to take whatever it is that makes you happy and at peace and use it to the fullest

 

[Last ♡ Hope]

I agree about taking time for yourself. I remember the days when I didn't/couldn't take difficult child ANYWHERE! It was sooooo stressful - heck, at 15.5 we still have a few days like that!

The early mornings were more my time than the evenings. I was so tired at night, sometimes it was all I could do to drag myself to bed after he was down. Maybe this weekend you could have your daughter watch them for an hour or two and you could go browse a book store with a cup of premium coffee or tea or maybe even go catch a movie.

Hang in there.

Sharon

Ugh, yeah that's me. By the time difficult child is in bed I'm a slowly sinking ship myself. But after being up a few times at night nursing my little, I'm not much better in the mornings after I get everyone dropped off at their schools. I'm seriously *always* tired.

I guess I could try to steal a little time for myself this weekend, but I would still have to bring little with me, he's still so small and I'd worry myself sick because having my 16-almost-17 year old easy child care for difficult child as well as my 10 year old easy child is *more* than enough work without adding a little fragile toddler to the mix. Oh God, I'd be a wreck worrying about him. It would probably be very counterproductive for me, lol. Now if I lived closer to family, I'd be all set, but I would also be a lot farther away from a psychiatric hospital and Dr's and resources we've only begun to tap into... what's a mama to do???

 

[P-nut2004]

I totally understand feeling like you need to hide for a couple days, taking difficult child anywhere is usually a disaster & I'm always very relieved when I realize I don't have to go anywhere ( I also have social anxiety from PTSD which makes outings that much worse). Definitely take the advice others offered & make some time for you. We have a set schedule for everything to help keep difficult child from having meltdowns over unexpected changes & I recently made a note on the schedule that after I get the kids off to school I will not start 'work' until 10am, it's been very relaxing to know that's my time to use as I want. ((HUGS))

 

[Malika]

Thanks for explaining about your son's medication - it is clear that in your case they are very helpful.
For me, having time away from my son is not just a desirable extra. I feel it is an absolute necessity. Much as I love him, I think I would go loopy/nuts/crackers (even more than I am) if we had to spend all our time together... Our respective levels of sanity are preserved by his being out all day - first at school, and then at the school childminding service, which he goes to even when I don't have a work project on because he enjoys it so much (means he can play with other children). As it is, I find weekends challenging... all the unstructured "down time" which seems to lead to us getting very frazzled and upset with each other. Engaged in activities - watching a DVD, having a story read to him, going swimming, etc, etc - he is fine. When there is no "structure", he gets what I call impossible but probably is just a reflection of my limited stress thresholds...
So I wholeheartedly second the points about structure and about the need to preserve your sanity and balance with as much time away as you can possibly manage...