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Man, they know how to cut to the bone
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 184622" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Heather, I tihnk you handled it right. She did need to be reminded that the world doesn't revolve around HER.</p><p></p><p>And she DID enjoy herself. It's just that at THAT moment she was frustrated and had to take it out on SOMEONE.</p><p></p><p>The only thing more you could have said, was to call her on her real reason for attacking - "Wynter, just because you're feeling frustrated with not getting those hair extensions right immediately, doesn't give you the right to take it out on me or anyone else."</p><p>The only trouble with is is she would probably instantly deny she was frustrated and it could make her even more defensive - and when she's defensive, she attacks.</p><p></p><p>You could try talking to her when she's calm (maybe after she's got the knack with those hair extensions) and ask her if there is maybe a better way to deal with frustration. Ask about frustration in general. "What makes you frustrated? How does it make you feel inside? How do you handle it?"</p><p>But I'm not sure she is capable of responding to this yet.</p><p></p><p>When easy child 2/difficult child 2 began to be a real pain in this way, I dragged her rear end (and the rest of her) to a therapist and asked for some work to be done on coping skills, especially with frustration and anxiety. I recognised I needed someone outside to tell her a few home truths and help her find more appropriate ways to interact.</p><p></p><p>And finally - next time she says, "Let's go to the mall!" remind her that she left a bad taste in your mouth last time, with the attack. If she insists she didn't, that you're making it up - then make an agreement with her that she will be polite, friendly, positive and grateful. And you will do your best to enjoy some good time together.</p><p></p><p>Any such contract - you need to say what you will do, she needs to say what she will do.</p><p></p><p>And I just thought of another angle - if you can, at some other stage, work on her negativity. Discuss with her your concern that she only seems to see the world in a negative way. Of course she will probably say, "I do not! YOU'RE the one being negative!"</p><p>Your response: "What I do isn't relevant. I'm talking about you. So if I'm wrong, then tell me - I'd like to hear five positive things form you. Five genuinely positive happy thoughts."</p><p></p><p>You could work towards making this a daily game - she has to tell you five positive things each day, about something that happened that day. And of course, you have to play too. YOU must tell her five positive things about your day. You can each call the other out if you are not serious about it or fail to mention something genuinely positive. If she knows the game has a level playing field she might be more willing to play.</p><p></p><p>And cheating doesn't count. It's not permitted to say, "I'm positive I'm having a bad day! Alright?" and flounce out of the room. That's why you need the game to be two-way. You can role-play negativity and let her challenge you on it. But make it clear you're playing, to give her some examples of what isn't permitted.</p><p></p><p>See if that helps. It could be a start, anyway. Talk to your mother about it, see what she says.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 184622, member: 1991"] Heather, I tihnk you handled it right. She did need to be reminded that the world doesn't revolve around HER. And she DID enjoy herself. It's just that at THAT moment she was frustrated and had to take it out on SOMEONE. The only thing more you could have said, was to call her on her real reason for attacking - "Wynter, just because you're feeling frustrated with not getting those hair extensions right immediately, doesn't give you the right to take it out on me or anyone else." The only trouble with is is she would probably instantly deny she was frustrated and it could make her even more defensive - and when she's defensive, she attacks. You could try talking to her when she's calm (maybe after she's got the knack with those hair extensions) and ask her if there is maybe a better way to deal with frustration. Ask about frustration in general. "What makes you frustrated? How does it make you feel inside? How do you handle it?" But I'm not sure she is capable of responding to this yet. When easy child 2/difficult child 2 began to be a real pain in this way, I dragged her rear end (and the rest of her) to a therapist and asked for some work to be done on coping skills, especially with frustration and anxiety. I recognised I needed someone outside to tell her a few home truths and help her find more appropriate ways to interact. And finally - next time she says, "Let's go to the mall!" remind her that she left a bad taste in your mouth last time, with the attack. If she insists she didn't, that you're making it up - then make an agreement with her that she will be polite, friendly, positive and grateful. And you will do your best to enjoy some good time together. Any such contract - you need to say what you will do, she needs to say what she will do. And I just thought of another angle - if you can, at some other stage, work on her negativity. Discuss with her your concern that she only seems to see the world in a negative way. Of course she will probably say, "I do not! YOU'RE the one being negative!" Your response: "What I do isn't relevant. I'm talking about you. So if I'm wrong, then tell me - I'd like to hear five positive things form you. Five genuinely positive happy thoughts." You could work towards making this a daily game - she has to tell you five positive things each day, about something that happened that day. And of course, you have to play too. YOU must tell her five positive things about your day. You can each call the other out if you are not serious about it or fail to mention something genuinely positive. If she knows the game has a level playing field she might be more willing to play. And cheating doesn't count. It's not permitted to say, "I'm positive I'm having a bad day! Alright?" and flounce out of the room. That's why you need the game to be two-way. You can role-play negativity and let her challenge you on it. But make it clear you're playing, to give her some examples of what isn't permitted. See if that helps. It could be a start, anyway. Talk to your mother about it, see what she says. Marg [/QUOTE]
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