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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 461471" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hi Keista. Thanks for your support. I think the "other" thing that is going on with J is what they call ODD - it was that that first brought me to this site. Learning skills to deal with this has made it better and more manageable. But the behaviour is still there on occasion. I'm afraid it is that classic combination of ADHD and ODD... the two are intertwined, of course, because of the lack of impulse control. That's my gut feeling and my gut feelings are usually sound. The structure of school obviously suits him and he doesn't "act out" like that there - from what I've read, that's quite a common story. The thing about J - and many people now have remarked on it - is that he has this <strong>potential</strong>. It's like you can always find a way to reach him, to make him behave better (like being able to redirect him tonight after the tools) and I see from his play that he is like a mix of good social skills and poor ones, if that makes any sense... He is still too hasty, takes things from children without asking, is often quite bossy (again typical I know), and doesn't know when he is being "too much" for other kids. On the other hand, he is also quite often considerate with them in other ways, quite empathetic. So it's all an odd mixture, as I've said before.</p><p>Just as a PS to this, I see a real pattern in myself... when things are calm with J, I am probably quite a good mother. When he acts out or up or whatever we say, it touches off this real stress in me - I over-dramatise things myself. I am aware of it and have got better. But it's like I too am swinging between calm mummy and upset mummy... And then it passes and I live to fight another day. But in the moment my emotions feel very vivid and I feel this sense of despair or fear... Which doesn't help the situation but really how do you deal with a 4 year old who, when annoyed tonight, said to one of the other children : "Hit her!" (meaning me) Totally out of order. I was very cross, made him apologise and he calmed down but this is what the troughs are like with this child. And I'm honestly not the best person to deal with it, but this is the hand that fate has dealt us both... I suspect I would find ANY 4 year old challenging on occasion, to be honest. And this one of course just is more challenging than most...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 461471, member: 11227"] Hi Keista. Thanks for your support. I think the "other" thing that is going on with J is what they call ODD - it was that that first brought me to this site. Learning skills to deal with this has made it better and more manageable. But the behaviour is still there on occasion. I'm afraid it is that classic combination of ADHD and ODD... the two are intertwined, of course, because of the lack of impulse control. That's my gut feeling and my gut feelings are usually sound. The structure of school obviously suits him and he doesn't "act out" like that there - from what I've read, that's quite a common story. The thing about J - and many people now have remarked on it - is that he has this [B]potential[/B]. It's like you can always find a way to reach him, to make him behave better (like being able to redirect him tonight after the tools) and I see from his play that he is like a mix of good social skills and poor ones, if that makes any sense... He is still too hasty, takes things from children without asking, is often quite bossy (again typical I know), and doesn't know when he is being "too much" for other kids. On the other hand, he is also quite often considerate with them in other ways, quite empathetic. So it's all an odd mixture, as I've said before. Just as a PS to this, I see a real pattern in myself... when things are calm with J, I am probably quite a good mother. When he acts out or up or whatever we say, it touches off this real stress in me - I over-dramatise things myself. I am aware of it and have got better. But it's like I too am swinging between calm mummy and upset mummy... And then it passes and I live to fight another day. But in the moment my emotions feel very vivid and I feel this sense of despair or fear... Which doesn't help the situation but really how do you deal with a 4 year old who, when annoyed tonight, said to one of the other children : "Hit her!" (meaning me) Totally out of order. I was very cross, made him apologise and he calmed down but this is what the troughs are like with this child. And I'm honestly not the best person to deal with it, but this is the hand that fate has dealt us both... I suspect I would find ANY 4 year old challenging on occasion, to be honest. And this one of course just is more challenging than most... [/QUOTE]
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