Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Manipulation or just clueless??
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 375364" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Stepping back from this a bit, if I hadn't read your letter and known some of the background, I would say your mom's letter to you is written in a pretty classic "detachment" tone. I could have written a similar letter to Oldest at one time or another (under completely different circumstances). Just an interesting thought that occurred to me; for whatever reason, she seems like she's keeping a pretty firm boundary in place when it comes to you and your difficult child. I can imagine that's pretty painful for you <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> </p><p></p><p>One thing I've learned about writing/sending emails and letters to someone whose point of view is in conflict with mine, is I have to be careful of my expectations. I used to write letters to my kids' dad, trying to "explain" things to him, wanting to make him understand the how/why/what of the girls' issues, to no avail. Inevitably, I was setting myself up for another let down as he time and time again would either ignore those letters, or write back a scathing response that had nothing to do with anything (and always blamed me, once again). I finally realized that my letters to him were a waste of time and energy. Nothing I said to him would ever change his mind or point of view. Why was I bothering to try?! I finally stopped, and my stress level when dealing with him dropped considerably.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like this is where yo are with your mother. You're beating your head against a brick wall. She is not going to change, she is not going to suddenly have an epiphany and realize/accept difficult child's issues, realize how hard you've been struggling to fight for him, and give you what you need from her. You said it yourself, and others have quoted it: "Maybe it's one of those things that makes no difference- she's toxic to me and I need to deal with it as such. "</p><p></p><p>I think as hard as it is, it's time to just detach yourself from her, and let it go.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 375364, member: 1157"] Stepping back from this a bit, if I hadn't read your letter and known some of the background, I would say your mom's letter to you is written in a pretty classic "detachment" tone. I could have written a similar letter to Oldest at one time or another (under completely different circumstances). Just an interesting thought that occurred to me; for whatever reason, she seems like she's keeping a pretty firm boundary in place when it comes to you and your difficult child. I can imagine that's pretty painful for you :( One thing I've learned about writing/sending emails and letters to someone whose point of view is in conflict with mine, is I have to be careful of my expectations. I used to write letters to my kids' dad, trying to "explain" things to him, wanting to make him understand the how/why/what of the girls' issues, to no avail. Inevitably, I was setting myself up for another let down as he time and time again would either ignore those letters, or write back a scathing response that had nothing to do with anything (and always blamed me, once again). I finally realized that my letters to him were a waste of time and energy. Nothing I said to him would ever change his mind or point of view. Why was I bothering to try?! I finally stopped, and my stress level when dealing with him dropped considerably. It sounds like this is where yo are with your mother. You're beating your head against a brick wall. She is not going to change, she is not going to suddenly have an epiphany and realize/accept difficult child's issues, realize how hard you've been struggling to fight for him, and give you what you need from her. You said it yourself, and others have quoted it: "Maybe it's one of those things that makes no difference- she's toxic to me and I need to deal with it as such. " I think as hard as it is, it's time to just detach yourself from her, and let it go. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Manipulation or just clueless??
Top