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Manipulation or just clueless??
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 375410" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Thank you, Ladies for just accepting my need to keep going. Mom 2 3, there is long history of big issues between my mother and me and when I was in intensive therapy as a young adult, my therapist concluded that my mother was worse than someone who sees the world thru rose colored glasses or who is in the typical denial. So, I had plenty of talks from her about detaching from my family, accepting I can't change her and so forth. But occassionally, the old question of "Why?" creeps up- as in "is she really that clueless or is she just that uncaring and selfish". More and more I am concluding that she is that selfish and uncaring. I mean really, how can you be raised with a bro who went thru the incarceration route and she saw where it led him and have a PhD in psychiatric and think a kid doesn't need more help than what a family can give him and be able to understand what his future might hold if he doesn't get that help?</p><p></p><p>I know people want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but boy, if you knew some of the things this woman did you might not want to relate to her at all. </p><p></p><p>My intensive therapist told me to always keep my family at arms length or stay away from them altogether. I made a grave mistake by choosing the arms length relationship so that difficult child might know some family besides me. I should have known better. This woman has done so much that would make your jaw drop to the floor that the biggest problem has always bee that most people don't believe me, but I rarely get into all of it because of that. On the rare occasions where I've met a person or had a therapist who actually was familiar with this extremity in dysfunction, they know I'm telling the truth. It just takes a trip to hades and back evidently to find that therapist.</p><p></p><p>I don't recall who it was, but one of the members here suggested on a previous thread that I just move and not send my mother a new hpone number or email address and tell the juvenile legal people that I had no wya to know how to contact her because she said she was in the process of selling her house and moving out of state (that is true). I'm liking this idea more and more as time passes. Otherwise, if the future can be predicted by past behavior, then this tension between us will remain until I suddenly get a ton of emails or phone messages one day saying she is demanding to speak to difficult child because she can't stand not hearing his voice and knowing he's ok because she loves him so much and if I don;'t put her in contact with him (which I cannot do whil he's incarcerated- I can't even call him) then she will call his GAL and stir up all kinds of koi for me like I've ner seen before. Now, that would be true to her form. Never mind we are not welcome at her home and she hasn't come here to visit in ages. Then, after that whirlwind dies down, I'll hear "I had another panic attack". Fine, mom, deal with them some other way. After 50 years you should be able to do that.</p><p></p><p>And Witz- you are right- nothing my bro could ever say would be enough and regarding my mom, when someone's negligence sets up a situation for a rape to occur to your child and the kid tells you and the first reaction is "how could you do this to me". And the person gets a PhD in psychiatric and still is never remorseful for any of their own actions in this situation or others, then "oops I'm sorry" will never be enough either. If she had ever approached me with "omg, I realize I should not have done A B C and I am sorry and want to help with therapy" or whatever, that I would have accepted. There's a ton more so I better stop now and just redirect my mind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 375410, member: 3699"] Thank you, Ladies for just accepting my need to keep going. Mom 2 3, there is long history of big issues between my mother and me and when I was in intensive therapy as a young adult, my therapist concluded that my mother was worse than someone who sees the world thru rose colored glasses or who is in the typical denial. So, I had plenty of talks from her about detaching from my family, accepting I can't change her and so forth. But occassionally, the old question of "Why?" creeps up- as in "is she really that clueless or is she just that uncaring and selfish". More and more I am concluding that she is that selfish and uncaring. I mean really, how can you be raised with a bro who went thru the incarceration route and she saw where it led him and have a PhD in psychiatric and think a kid doesn't need more help than what a family can give him and be able to understand what his future might hold if he doesn't get that help? I know people want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but boy, if you knew some of the things this woman did you might not want to relate to her at all. My intensive therapist told me to always keep my family at arms length or stay away from them altogether. I made a grave mistake by choosing the arms length relationship so that difficult child might know some family besides me. I should have known better. This woman has done so much that would make your jaw drop to the floor that the biggest problem has always bee that most people don't believe me, but I rarely get into all of it because of that. On the rare occasions where I've met a person or had a therapist who actually was familiar with this extremity in dysfunction, they know I'm telling the truth. It just takes a trip to hades and back evidently to find that therapist. I don't recall who it was, but one of the members here suggested on a previous thread that I just move and not send my mother a new hpone number or email address and tell the juvenile legal people that I had no wya to know how to contact her because she said she was in the process of selling her house and moving out of state (that is true). I'm liking this idea more and more as time passes. Otherwise, if the future can be predicted by past behavior, then this tension between us will remain until I suddenly get a ton of emails or phone messages one day saying she is demanding to speak to difficult child because she can't stand not hearing his voice and knowing he's ok because she loves him so much and if I don;'t put her in contact with him (which I cannot do whil he's incarcerated- I can't even call him) then she will call his GAL and stir up all kinds of koi for me like I've ner seen before. Now, that would be true to her form. Never mind we are not welcome at her home and she hasn't come here to visit in ages. Then, after that whirlwind dies down, I'll hear "I had another panic attack". Fine, mom, deal with them some other way. After 50 years you should be able to do that. And Witz- you are right- nothing my bro could ever say would be enough and regarding my mom, when someone's negligence sets up a situation for a rape to occur to your child and the kid tells you and the first reaction is "how could you do this to me". And the person gets a PhD in psychiatric and still is never remorseful for any of their own actions in this situation or others, then "oops I'm sorry" will never be enough either. If she had ever approached me with "omg, I realize I should not have done A B C and I am sorry and want to help with therapy" or whatever, that I would have accepted. There's a ton more so I better stop now and just redirect my mind. [/QUOTE]
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