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The Watercooler
marriage counselor said..
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 416105" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>the argument here isn't really what's normal what's not or what's the average...... it is more about husband's reluctancy to even address the issue in therapy.</p><p> </p><p>he doesn't just look to sex as ahh a nice something as i do. it's an extreme need of his to the point whereas if he doesn't get it he's on his easy child on his phone in bathroom watching porn. he's hostile when he doesnt' get it, maybe that's too strong he's clearly aggitated. he expects to do it at in appropriate times that'll NEVER be me. so i'm not the i dont' want to do it woman. i'm the i reserve the right to do it when i want to and when my heart and head are connected. if your lying to me, or upsetting me well than good luck toyou and your phone basically. </p><p> </p><p>this is just one of many many issues. prior to marriage to be honest he wasn't this bad. he had moments of badness yet mostly it was ok and workable. since difficult children two hospitalizations he's neediness has tripled. as his lying as is his nasty attitude. triple triple triple.</p><p> </p><p>marraige just shouldtn' be this hard, life is too short. if it doesnt' work with some counseling than sheesh why spend your life "trying" to make it work when there's a whole life out there waiting to be lived maybe alone maybe in a decade with someone else. see my point?</p><p> </p><p>we had our problems prior to marriage, yet it was def. different. the tone once married was quite different. he was elated to say the least. our wedding day he had a smile peeled on his face the entire day. my friends looked at pics and said wow he's beside himself...... as he should be. he even said to me isnt' it nice to know that regardless of what mistakes we make we'll always forgive eachother and always be together buddies for life. i was like wow kinda deep for shallow husband of mine.......</p><p> </p><p>yet once i went into first hospital all that changed drastically. he states on monthly basis now our marriage is over i'm leaving you. ok i say leave than you know where the door is located. i told the therapist he was like what?? omg he can't do that that's absurd. i said yup that's him </p><p> </p><p>we go to therapy fight in therapy infront of the guy it's ridiculous lol. thank god al i have to say is he's only here two days a week. we manage very well on those days with all the kids. if he was home 7 nights a week we would of been divorced already. also the job isnt' getting any better either.</p><p> </p><p>key to it all a friend told me go to therapy yourself. and so i did and have been and working on getting my life back i lost years ago once i got with him so to speak. his junk ex kids the drama engulfed me i dropped friends, what i loved to do etc. now i'm taking it all back little by little and i feel empowered.</p><p> </p><p>which is good. therapist said sex shouldtn' be lined up on his way home kinda thing. it should be something that naturally occurs..... and the soga continues. he just doesnt' respect me enough i feel. this a.m. for instance i said to him i'm not mad you snore, i'm just upset you refuse to get a nose strip to avoid keeping me up each night. (i've asked him repeatedly, and he states your controlling how i sleep now also?) so he responded with go find someone that doesnt' snore than as i walked out door to go to marraige counselor. stupid. just stupid. i care about him still, yet it's going to take a whole lotta time and a whole lotta effort on both parts if it'll ever work again. he's lied too much, said too many nasty things as of late, i'm just not feeling it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>his work is bad, it was supposed to get better yet it's getting worse. i want to go back to work in sept. il'l have to go to bed early to rise early. he wants me up late till 2 a.m. with him. i said no can't happen. we will just see eachother on friday and sat. nights. he was like try to find a job that you can do on a flex schedule soyou can sleep in a bit. i said what? i'm not working my job around yours, plus difficult child goes back to school next year i'll be up each day at 6:30 to push her out the door so i'll be going to bed early.</p><p> </p><p>answer here is cut back on work once i'm working actually spend time with your kids, live your life, yet he doesnt' want to. work is what he likes best. he gets to act like he's 20 with all the young kids he works with. he's better suited for that.</p><p>sheesh this was long sorry <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 416105, member: 4514"] the argument here isn't really what's normal what's not or what's the average...... it is more about husband's reluctancy to even address the issue in therapy. he doesn't just look to sex as ahh a nice something as i do. it's an extreme need of his to the point whereas if he doesn't get it he's on his easy child on his phone in bathroom watching porn. he's hostile when he doesnt' get it, maybe that's too strong he's clearly aggitated. he expects to do it at in appropriate times that'll NEVER be me. so i'm not the i dont' want to do it woman. i'm the i reserve the right to do it when i want to and when my heart and head are connected. if your lying to me, or upsetting me well than good luck toyou and your phone basically. this is just one of many many issues. prior to marriage to be honest he wasn't this bad. he had moments of badness yet mostly it was ok and workable. since difficult children two hospitalizations he's neediness has tripled. as his lying as is his nasty attitude. triple triple triple. marraige just shouldtn' be this hard, life is too short. if it doesnt' work with some counseling than sheesh why spend your life "trying" to make it work when there's a whole life out there waiting to be lived maybe alone maybe in a decade with someone else. see my point? we had our problems prior to marriage, yet it was def. different. the tone once married was quite different. he was elated to say the least. our wedding day he had a smile peeled on his face the entire day. my friends looked at pics and said wow he's beside himself...... as he should be. he even said to me isnt' it nice to know that regardless of what mistakes we make we'll always forgive eachother and always be together buddies for life. i was like wow kinda deep for shallow husband of mine....... yet once i went into first hospital all that changed drastically. he states on monthly basis now our marriage is over i'm leaving you. ok i say leave than you know where the door is located. i told the therapist he was like what?? omg he can't do that that's absurd. i said yup that's him we go to therapy fight in therapy infront of the guy it's ridiculous lol. thank god al i have to say is he's only here two days a week. we manage very well on those days with all the kids. if he was home 7 nights a week we would of been divorced already. also the job isnt' getting any better either. key to it all a friend told me go to therapy yourself. and so i did and have been and working on getting my life back i lost years ago once i got with him so to speak. his junk ex kids the drama engulfed me i dropped friends, what i loved to do etc. now i'm taking it all back little by little and i feel empowered. which is good. therapist said sex shouldtn' be lined up on his way home kinda thing. it should be something that naturally occurs..... and the soga continues. he just doesnt' respect me enough i feel. this a.m. for instance i said to him i'm not mad you snore, i'm just upset you refuse to get a nose strip to avoid keeping me up each night. (i've asked him repeatedly, and he states your controlling how i sleep now also?) so he responded with go find someone that doesnt' snore than as i walked out door to go to marraige counselor. stupid. just stupid. i care about him still, yet it's going to take a whole lotta time and a whole lotta effort on both parts if it'll ever work again. he's lied too much, said too many nasty things as of late, i'm just not feeling it anymore. his work is bad, it was supposed to get better yet it's getting worse. i want to go back to work in sept. il'l have to go to bed early to rise early. he wants me up late till 2 a.m. with him. i said no can't happen. we will just see eachother on friday and sat. nights. he was like try to find a job that you can do on a flex schedule soyou can sleep in a bit. i said what? i'm not working my job around yours, plus difficult child goes back to school next year i'll be up each day at 6:30 to push her out the door so i'll be going to bed early. answer here is cut back on work once i'm working actually spend time with your kids, live your life, yet he doesnt' want to. work is what he likes best. he gets to act like he's 20 with all the young kids he works with. he's better suited for that. sheesh this was long sorry :) [/QUOTE]
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