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The Watercooler
marriage counselor said..
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 416246" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>You know I have never been in marriage counseling. My first marriage ended after ten years and I do believe it was the right choice as Ex simply could not deal with difficult child and how her needs dominated our home. There were other issues, of course, but it seemed like the right choice. I was surprised how much it impacted all three children even tho there was never fighting in our home etc. and he wasn't the perfect Dad. My seond marriage has lasted well over thirtyyears and will continue until we are pushing daisy's. BUT I did suggest marriage counseling during high stress times with both husbands. Neither was willing to go and "share" with a "stranger". I chalk that up to maleness. Sexist?? Well, yeah, but I've been close to alot of men and none of them felt warm and fuzzy about discussing fears, weakness, concerns. Maybe its generational but I don't think so.</p><p> </p><p>So......admitting I am not an expert.....I don't think your therapist is "running" the sessions. Friends who have had successful marriage counseling have shared that no fighting is allowed. One person addresses a concern. The therapist is like a referee and a teacher in forcing/guiding discussion about one issue at a time. Unless flagrant abuse is involved the therapist gives each party the opportunity to describe how they feel about one issue. The partner listens, tries to digest and is guided. Very often the "hot button" is not addressed for a few sessions because the "hot button" is not the entire subject. It's important to discuss the many smaller issues that have brought on the breach in the marraige. I think the point is to get beyond the accusatory stage and get to communication/compromise stage working on different components.</p><p> </p><p>Personally I don't know of one marriage with difficult child's that retains the happy, smiley, joyful demeanor of newlyweds. How sweet that would be! DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 416246, member: 35"] You know I have never been in marriage counseling. My first marriage ended after ten years and I do believe it was the right choice as Ex simply could not deal with difficult child and how her needs dominated our home. There were other issues, of course, but it seemed like the right choice. I was surprised how much it impacted all three children even tho there was never fighting in our home etc. and he wasn't the perfect Dad. My seond marriage has lasted well over thirtyyears and will continue until we are pushing daisy's. BUT I did suggest marriage counseling during high stress times with both husbands. Neither was willing to go and "share" with a "stranger". I chalk that up to maleness. Sexist?? Well, yeah, but I've been close to alot of men and none of them felt warm and fuzzy about discussing fears, weakness, concerns. Maybe its generational but I don't think so. So......admitting I am not an expert.....I don't think your therapist is "running" the sessions. Friends who have had successful marriage counseling have shared that no fighting is allowed. One person addresses a concern. The therapist is like a referee and a teacher in forcing/guiding discussion about one issue at a time. Unless flagrant abuse is involved the therapist gives each party the opportunity to describe how they feel about one issue. The partner listens, tries to digest and is guided. Very often the "hot button" is not addressed for a few sessions because the "hot button" is not the entire subject. It's important to discuss the many smaller issues that have brought on the breach in the marraige. I think the point is to get beyond the accusatory stage and get to communication/compromise stage working on different components. Personally I don't know of one marriage with difficult child's that retains the happy, smiley, joyful demeanor of newlyweds. How sweet that would be! DDD [/QUOTE]
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