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Matt has been using drugs
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 315369" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />Hi Steely, </p><p> </p><p>I think sometimes there is an overwhelming urge to somehow try to make sense of our childrens poor decisions, and make them our own shortcomings. If I can attach a reason to the action I can rationalize it, file it and store it in my brain under "Mistakes I made as a Mother, or Things I will try better at as a parent, or Note to self upon seeing child again rip him a new one." </p><p> </p><p>None of which are helpful, productive or will make a bit of difference in the future BUT - somehow over the years out of habit became a sort of "security" blanket for my hurting heart. I still do some of this to a degree - we all do. We are taught and try to teach our children to be rational, think rationally, and drugs and destructive behaviors aren't rational. </p><p> </p><p>Think about it - when you heard Matthew was doing drugs- was your first reaction ' Matthew WANTED to do drugs to get high because he just wanted to?' or was it that it had to be something like 'he's stressed out, he's failing at life, he's angry at his Father, he can't take the pressures of the world?". WE make excuses for them. I did with my x and I was probably the worst enabler I ever knew until I knew what an enabler was. When I figured out that being that wasn't healthy? I left. I left for my son, for me and yes...for him. </p><p> </p><p>Sounds almost self serving and true I have no idea what it's like to be a teen in the world today, but then I think there are plenty of kids who had really horrible lives that aren't drinking their lives away choosing drugs over struggle - and walk away and choose not to. I'm sorry that Matt chose to smoke pot. I'm sorry ALL our kids choose to make really horrible decisions for their lives when they know WAY better. </p><p> </p><p>You're a good Mom - You've done your best - You've done better then anyone ever asked of you - that's above and beyond. How much more are you going to beat yourself up over HIS choices? (I keep asking myself the same thing about Dude -so it's rhetorical) My Mom recently said - it's not a matter of "I don't love YOU when you say -I can't. It's a line in the sand that says I love you enough to say no." (I'm still working on that one) -literally. </p><p> </p><p>It's also not a matter of YOU giving up. There's nothing TO give up. You're his Mom - you're not giving up on being his Mom. But you can stop getting upset about every stupid choice he makes for his 18 year old man self. (I'm still working on that one - too) <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>Hang in there Mom. </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 315369, member: 4964"] :winking:Hi Steely, I think sometimes there is an overwhelming urge to somehow try to make sense of our childrens poor decisions, and make them our own shortcomings. If I can attach a reason to the action I can rationalize it, file it and store it in my brain under "Mistakes I made as a Mother, or Things I will try better at as a parent, or Note to self upon seeing child again rip him a new one." None of which are helpful, productive or will make a bit of difference in the future BUT - somehow over the years out of habit became a sort of "security" blanket for my hurting heart. I still do some of this to a degree - we all do. We are taught and try to teach our children to be rational, think rationally, and drugs and destructive behaviors aren't rational. Think about it - when you heard Matthew was doing drugs- was your first reaction ' Matthew WANTED to do drugs to get high because he just wanted to?' or was it that it had to be something like 'he's stressed out, he's failing at life, he's angry at his Father, he can't take the pressures of the world?". WE make excuses for them. I did with my x and I was probably the worst enabler I ever knew until I knew what an enabler was. When I figured out that being that wasn't healthy? I left. I left for my son, for me and yes...for him. Sounds almost self serving and true I have no idea what it's like to be a teen in the world today, but then I think there are plenty of kids who had really horrible lives that aren't drinking their lives away choosing drugs over struggle - and walk away and choose not to. I'm sorry that Matt chose to smoke pot. I'm sorry ALL our kids choose to make really horrible decisions for their lives when they know WAY better. You're a good Mom - You've done your best - You've done better then anyone ever asked of you - that's above and beyond. How much more are you going to beat yourself up over HIS choices? (I keep asking myself the same thing about Dude -so it's rhetorical) My Mom recently said - it's not a matter of "I don't love YOU when you say -I can't. It's a line in the sand that says I love you enough to say no." (I'm still working on that one) -literally. It's also not a matter of YOU giving up. There's nothing TO give up. You're his Mom - you're not giving up on being his Mom. But you can stop getting upset about every stupid choice he makes for his 18 year old man self. (I'm still working on that one - too) :winking: Hang in there Mom. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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Matt has been using drugs
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