Maybe a change in attitude?

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

Well we had a good phone call from or difficult child last night. I asked him how the place was and he doesnt like it much and had some negative (but not rude) comments about the place. But all this was in response to my asking... it was not the entitled, get me out of here, I cant do this kind of complaint we have had in the past.... and it was not nasty comments either. Just kind of factual. He is biding his time until he can go to the sober house.... and he wants to take some classes and get ajob.

We had gotten a somewhat heart stopping call from him last week because he had tested positive on a drug test... he said he had not taken anything that it was for the drugs he had taken in detox. (benzos)
I told him to call my friend who is helping us. He did call him and my friend felt he was telling the truth. I had that feeling as well but have been lied to so so many times I just was not sure I could believe him. And my heart stopped because the thought of him being kicked out and homeless again was about more than I could handle. I just did not want to go back to that place, at least not yet and not when I felt my difficult child was sincerely trying. I couldnt even write about it here. My friend told me they would probably run a level test and that would tell them if he had somehow gotten a hold of something and used while in treatment. And then we didnt hear anything for a week. I figured that probably meant it was ok but still it left me hanging a bit.

So apparantly they did do a level test and the amount was so small it was not detectable which meant he did not use it there. (Phew). I think my difficult child, although he doesnt like there, is still very relieved to be there instead of on the street that he has lost his sense of entitlement which is a very good thing.

I had a good nights sleep last night.

TL

 

[Calamity Jane]

I'm happy for you, TL.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

That is a great update TL!!

 

[Wakegirl]

Yay!!! I can only imagine your sigh of relief! Sounds like he is taking baby steps in the right direction. This gives me hope for my difficult child, as our stories have many similarities. Smiling for you!

 

[Nancy]

Gosh TL does he think he is going to LIKE the place? It's very encouraging that he did not offer that info and it was in response to your questions so hopefully he understands it's part of the process he needs to undergo. I hope and pray that he values himself enough to want this for himself because he deserves to have a better life.

 

[Kathy813]

Living on the street for five months would sure change my attitude. Then again, I am not a difficult child.

Nancy, my difficult child seems to really like where she is. I would too from what I hear. . . yoga, tennis, swimming pool, trips to the beach, and fun outings to go bowling and to outdoor concerts. I am getting worried that she won't want to leave.

 

[rejectedmom]

It is good to hear he is making changes. Rest well mom, you deserve it! -RM

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks all. Nancy I think he was hoping to like the place better than he does. He has been in places that he liked (or at least didnt hate) and a place he really didnt like and at the time told us we had to get him out of there (and we did!). So this place reminds him of that place and yet he is not asking us to do anything about it. It is a lot cheaper and I am sure that shows.... but hey we are not willing to spend a lot this time around. I have come to the conclusion that the most important factor is him and not the place.

I think for the moment anyways he really does want to get his life together. At the moment he is sober and so obviously more clear headed. I think he really does not want to be on the streets again. It does seem he may be more willing than ever before to obey the rules so that he doesnt end up on the streets again. However I am not at all convinced that he really sees the connection between his drug use and his being on the streets and that he may still think that eventually he can drink and smoke pot. From what I understand that is common among addicts and my hope is that he will learn somehow from other addicts that this is not true.... and that he is willing to obey the rules of the sober house to stay sober. Time will tell. I am not grilling him about any of those attitudes because I dont think him and I having yet another conversation about that will be productive. For now he is safe and for that I am very thankful.

TL

 

[Nancy]

You're right TL, having a conversation with him about his attitudes will do nothing positive. I don't talk to difficult child about her drinking anymore other than to tell her if she ever drinks and drives we will not help her in any way and her life as she knows it will be over. There is no point in talking to her about addiction just as there is no point in you doing that with your difficult child. He is where he needs to be with people who know how to deal with his attitudes.