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Maybe a Dumb Question...but Mother Abuse??
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 300914" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Of COURSE there is Mother (Parental) Abuse!!! We are part of the family, and when another member abuses us it is just that - ABUSE.</p><p></p><p>Wiz would not have hurt me as much if I had given him free rein to abuse Jessie. Heck, he wouldn't even have done the few things he did to thank you if I had just "left him alone" about his abuse of Jessie.</p><p></p><p>I very much have PTSD from Wiz, and have gotten help at our local Domestic Violence shelter.</p><p></p><p>Write a letter to go into the Parent Report about this.</p><p></p><p>Next time you see the doctor tell him openly about this. Give him a copy of the Parent Report and the letter where you explain the abuse difficult child has put you through and how you are keeping the family safe. Put the info in writing, have it NOTARIZED, and then send a copy to the doctor to be put in the file for the kids.</p><p></p><p>You MUST MUST MUST have a WRITTEN safety plan. The kids need to know what to do and what you will do if the situation becomes abusive or unsafe. For us it included door and window alarms, Having Jess lock herself and thank you in my room and calling 911, and many other things.</p><p></p><p>If we hadn't made a safety plan then DHS could have (and were chomping at the bit to do so) taken Jessie and thank you away from us. They would not have taken Wiz because they didn't want to pay to have him stay with anyone - and he would NOT be safe with ANY family (he proved this by getting kicked out of the Youth Shelter - that he loved being at- in less than 36 hours!). It would cost DHS a LOT less to place both pcs than to take difficult child in for even 1/4 of the time.</p><p></p><p>So a written safety plan (and rehearsals - pref when difficult child is NOT HOME!!!) is crucial. I let Wiz know we were doing things to keep us all safe when he went off "the deep end" as he called it. But I did NOT go into specifics with him because he would have cut the phone line and/or destroyed the locks, phones, etc... You should probably have a phone and charger in the kids' room, or a room they can get itno and lock, and also have a cell phone with a power cord hidden. It doesn't NEED minutes. ALL cell phones that turn on are able to call 911. On many of them holding down the #1 button will call automatically, or at least the older models used to). If it has minutes you may get the bill run up high, so putting an old phone in their is a better bet.</p><p></p><p>I was truly shocked that at many domestic violence shelters they do not ahve any programs for teens. I think programs for teen boys and for teen girls could be incredibly helpful. Esp if we could help the kids break that cycle and not pick abusers for their partners.</p><p></p><p>Now that you know at parent abuse (called elder abuse if the parent is elderly) is a real thing and a real problem, you need to go and fine some help and support for YOU. It really IS OK to talk about this. You CAN find help. STart with an intake appointment at the local Domesti Violence Prevention Office. Or ask your doctor.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are dealing with htis on top of everything else. </p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 300914, member: 1233"] Of COURSE there is Mother (Parental) Abuse!!! We are part of the family, and when another member abuses us it is just that - ABUSE. Wiz would not have hurt me as much if I had given him free rein to abuse Jessie. Heck, he wouldn't even have done the few things he did to thank you if I had just "left him alone" about his abuse of Jessie. I very much have PTSD from Wiz, and have gotten help at our local Domestic Violence shelter. Write a letter to go into the Parent Report about this. Next time you see the doctor tell him openly about this. Give him a copy of the Parent Report and the letter where you explain the abuse difficult child has put you through and how you are keeping the family safe. Put the info in writing, have it NOTARIZED, and then send a copy to the doctor to be put in the file for the kids. You MUST MUST MUST have a WRITTEN safety plan. The kids need to know what to do and what you will do if the situation becomes abusive or unsafe. For us it included door and window alarms, Having Jess lock herself and thank you in my room and calling 911, and many other things. If we hadn't made a safety plan then DHS could have (and were chomping at the bit to do so) taken Jessie and thank you away from us. They would not have taken Wiz because they didn't want to pay to have him stay with anyone - and he would NOT be safe with ANY family (he proved this by getting kicked out of the Youth Shelter - that he loved being at- in less than 36 hours!). It would cost DHS a LOT less to place both pcs than to take difficult child in for even 1/4 of the time. So a written safety plan (and rehearsals - pref when difficult child is NOT HOME!!!) is crucial. I let Wiz know we were doing things to keep us all safe when he went off "the deep end" as he called it. But I did NOT go into specifics with him because he would have cut the phone line and/or destroyed the locks, phones, etc... You should probably have a phone and charger in the kids' room, or a room they can get itno and lock, and also have a cell phone with a power cord hidden. It doesn't NEED minutes. ALL cell phones that turn on are able to call 911. On many of them holding down the #1 button will call automatically, or at least the older models used to). If it has minutes you may get the bill run up high, so putting an old phone in their is a better bet. I was truly shocked that at many domestic violence shelters they do not ahve any programs for teens. I think programs for teen boys and for teen girls could be incredibly helpful. Esp if we could help the kids break that cycle and not pick abusers for their partners. Now that you know at parent abuse (called elder abuse if the parent is elderly) is a real thing and a real problem, you need to go and fine some help and support for YOU. It really IS OK to talk about this. You CAN find help. STart with an intake appointment at the local Domesti Violence Prevention Office. Or ask your doctor. I am sorry you are dealing with htis on top of everything else. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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