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Maybe my love is conditional (?)
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 263343" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>First of all - welcome! ...I don't think any human is ALWAYS totally 100% capable of unconditional love... I did get to pick my kids - husband made it clear on our first date (which was with the kids) that they were a package deal and they would always come first - and I love them. I have never given birth to any and honestly do not want any more (!), but as I explained to both, I love them anyway.</p><p> </p><p>That said, sometimes I want to kick the whole passel out. "Go away and figure out your own lives, you're ruining mine."</p><p> </p><p>Especially last year with difficult child 1's massive behavior issues. Now that we know the cause and she has figured it out, too, without our "help", things have gotten better. But last fall... And even into winter... I was almost at the end of my rope. I actually looked husband in the eye and told him that if someone somewhere wasn't willing to help her then I was going to have her charged with domestic violence and taken to juvie. I couldn't handle it any more. My job was my only respite. I hated going home after work. He actually agreed with me. Sort of.</p><p> </p><p>She spent some time in a youth psychiatric hospital (less than a week). Spent most of December and January suspended from school. Finally lost it at school and got arrested and sent to juvie. I was relieved that I didn't have to do it. But they only kept her one night and I was sure that wouldn't help. And it really didn't, although she had to go back to a PHP for the rest of the school year. So it was <em>better</em> but not good.</p><p> </p><p>And then she figured out who was causing all the conflict, and it was not me - nor was it husband or difficult child 2. It was biomom. The light came on like those at a stadium. And I am so grateful (as I told husband last night) to have a teenager instead of a raving homicidal maniac {female dog}.</p><p> </p><p>But it's taken years. husband and biomom split 7 years ago. She has played games since and it's taken a major toll on the kids. Every couple of years we get a little more... To begin, supervised visits. After 1st year, unsupervised, every other weekend & Wednesday for 3 hours. After 3rd year, 50% time (sort of) plus 75% of summer. 5th year, residential parent... And this year... FULL CUSTODY! In the 2 weeks since court the children have really made strides, too.</p><p> </p><p>So don't feel bad. I'm pretty sure my Mom (bio) wanted to throw me out on my rear a lot as a teen... And I was fairly calm!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 263343, member: 6705"] First of all - welcome! ...I don't think any human is ALWAYS totally 100% capable of unconditional love... I did get to pick my kids - husband made it clear on our first date (which was with the kids) that they were a package deal and they would always come first - and I love them. I have never given birth to any and honestly do not want any more (!), but as I explained to both, I love them anyway. That said, sometimes I want to kick the whole passel out. "Go away and figure out your own lives, you're ruining mine." Especially last year with difficult child 1's massive behavior issues. Now that we know the cause and she has figured it out, too, without our "help", things have gotten better. But last fall... And even into winter... I was almost at the end of my rope. I actually looked husband in the eye and told him that if someone somewhere wasn't willing to help her then I was going to have her charged with domestic violence and taken to juvie. I couldn't handle it any more. My job was my only respite. I hated going home after work. He actually agreed with me. Sort of. She spent some time in a youth psychiatric hospital (less than a week). Spent most of December and January suspended from school. Finally lost it at school and got arrested and sent to juvie. I was relieved that I didn't have to do it. But they only kept her one night and I was sure that wouldn't help. And it really didn't, although she had to go back to a PHP for the rest of the school year. So it was [I]better[/I] but not good. And then she figured out who was causing all the conflict, and it was not me - nor was it husband or difficult child 2. It was biomom. The light came on like those at a stadium. And I am so grateful (as I told husband last night) to have a teenager instead of a raving homicidal maniac {female dog}. But it's taken years. husband and biomom split 7 years ago. She has played games since and it's taken a major toll on the kids. Every couple of years we get a little more... To begin, supervised visits. After 1st year, unsupervised, every other weekend & Wednesday for 3 hours. After 3rd year, 50% time (sort of) plus 75% of summer. 5th year, residential parent... And this year... FULL CUSTODY! In the 2 weeks since court the children have really made strides, too. So don't feel bad. I'm pretty sure my Mom (bio) wanted to throw me out on my rear a lot as a teen... And I was fairly calm! [/QUOTE]
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