Maybe she's staying longer??

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by therese005us, May 25, 2009.

  1. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    Bio mum rang me yesterday and told me that little cherub's school is unsure about continuing with the program we have in place both here and at new school. So bio mum is saying that she might 'sign her over for two years' to me! But that she has to come home every weekend. Wow! That really is a big responsibility for me. I was just looking forward to a break, knowing it would probably not work out well. Should I insist that she at least have her at home for two weeks and see how she goes? She has a paed appointment in two weeks' time, which would have allowed everyone to see how things were going at home/school.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    What does the case manager think? If DCFS is involved, they don't usually allow that long term arrangment.
  3. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    They are not involved yes, though the paed is on the child protection team and formulating a case/report. she is aware that I am a registered foster carer and is happy for the voluntary arrangements at this stage. bio mum knows I am a registered carer too, and if that happens, she will either go into hiding with the children or ask me to take her as wwe have ther rapport.

    I find it saddening that she treats little cherub like a chattel when she can't cope.....
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    What's your relationship with biomom, treese005us? Is she a family member.

    I agree that two years seems like a long period for her to sign over her daughter.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    The 2 years comment makes me wonder what mom's got going...why 2 years...what's going to happen in 2 years that will make it seem that it will be different then?

    That said, tho, you did make progress with this little one and you were very concerned about sending her back to biomom, that mom didn't have the skills, etc. So in that regard, if you can and are willing, the little one may well be better off in your care...
  6. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    I've known the family for about 12 years.... because my daughter was born into that family.
    I have at one time or another had all barring the youngest children in my care officially and unofficially for periods of time.
    Very dysfunctional family, going back nearly three generations. Bio mum's mum was 13 when she had her first child.. get hte picture.
    There is intellectual disability ++++ right through the family, sustpected inbreeding; and there isn't one of the eight children who doen't have a child with some kind of serious (mostly undiagnosed) intellectual problem. It is a really sad situation. My daughter is definitely a success story at breaking the mold, but she wouldn't acknowledge her beginnings for a million bucks!!
    This is highly private/sensitve information about my daughter (feels funny telling complete "strangers")
    Little Cherub doesn't even realise her biological relationship to daughter - she just comes to visit!!

    If I did care for little cherub for a longer period, it would be under differnt circumstances altogether as she'll go home so my primary intention would be to help her, and give her coping mechanisms to get through.

    Mum is doing the best she can, but if you knew the little things... you'd probably want to slap some sense into her!!

    She rang me before I took her home and wanted me to provide her with medication for cherub because she hadn't kept enough money by for it...
    It goes on and on.... and on and on.....

    She told me her phone might be cut off because she falsified her identification... so huh? are you surprised? So she'll have to reverse charges from now on to my phone! Don't even get me started on the dietery issues...

    I have to go, it makes me weep.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Oh Trish, what a mess!

    And for those in the US who don't know - bio-mum would be eligible for subsidised medications via social sercurity, each prescription need only cost $5.50 or thereabouts and after a while (if you notch up enough for the family) it's free, I think (the rules keep changing). Of course, if you're really bad at managing your paperwork, it's really easy to get into strife with our social security system, she could have chosen to try to live outside it.

    So if bio-mum hasn't even kept $5.50 aside, it's a worry.

    Trish, my 'vibe' is telling me, she is trying to extract every cent of support elsewhere, to avoid spending wherever she can. My friend's foster son's famiy does the same thing to her and not just with money. Anything the kid needs that the family privately don't consider important or necessary, they will gratefully accept from the foster mum and will use (until it goes missing or gets trashed) but they won't get it themselves, nor with they replace it. Not if there is someone else who is more willing to fork out for it.

    The phone thing - it's possible she might be eligible for a landline service due to health emergency issues. Relying on mobile phones is crazy, when you're broke. Reception is a huge issue, for one thing. Land lines are so much cheaper to run. It is so easy to blow out your phone bill with mobile. difficult child 1 has finally got this message and at last has a landline in. Poor reception where he lives has also flattened his mobile's batteries (the phone is constantly trying to 'find' the network, it chews through a lot of power to do so).

    From what you've said - unless you can be certian that bio-mum is able to cope emotionally with the soiling, it could well be that having to bounce back and forth between the two households is aggravating the encopresis; a kid with anxiety plus a mother who isn't coping with the problem is almost a recipe for disaster, the problem will self-perpetuate. Added to this, I think you said in another post that bio-mum uses your place as a threat or punishment for Little Cherub. The poor kid is probably really confused by it all; a bit of stability would be really good.

    That said - I really don't know. Bio-mum does need to really try, because even if you resolve the encopresis, it won't get easier when Little Cherub is in her teens. She can't just grab every opportunity to opt out just because she's having a bad day.

  8. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    Hi, over the weekend, bio mum must have rung about 12 times, 5 times in one morning while we were at church (obviously I don't take my phone to church)

    She says there's no point in keeping her the two weeks, but I suggested that if she doesn't give it a fair go the 'professionals' will see this. It would be too easy (on mum) to just go pick her up and very distressing for little cherub. So, I said, she at least has to see a week out and keep a diary of what's happening....

    Bio mum has tapped into every free resource possible, including free nappies etc. but she gives me only what she wants to part with, and keeps the rest for the other chidlren. She was given parking money for me, and gave me some!! I sent an email to the provider saying "thank you for the 2 packets of nappies and $9 towards parking" so they would be aware of what happened in a subtle way!!

    I am expecting a phone call later to see how the first day at school goes. She is sending her with someone else....