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Substance Abuse
Me again - easy child losing it because of difficult child....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 47067" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jbrain</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Yeah, DDD, the pride that it brings--parents desperately holding on to the easy child as proof that they are good parents after all...I know my former easy child, now difficult child 2, felt that she did everything we asked and more but who got all the attention? difficult child of course! </div></div></p><p>For us, it's the opposite. Not pride, but guilt, knowing that difficult child consumes most of our time, that our entire family schedule and routine has been changed to try and minimize the fallout from his acting out, etc. We are very proud of her, but more than anything we feel guilty for what we've had to do, and what it's done to her. As a result, we sometimes overcompensate with her, which could be just as bad.</p><p></p><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">There is a lot of pressure on the "good kid" in a family with a difficult child, even if it isn't intended.</div></div></p><p>This is probably true, but from a different angle. We fluctuate between <strong>(a)</strong> walking on eggshells around her to keep difficult child and my other son out of the picture as much as possible, and <strong>(b)</strong> bugging the devil out of her to let her know that we see all our kids differently, and don't expect more (or less) out of her because of anything either of her brothers do. She gets mad when we do this "Dad, I'm not going to turn out like &lt;the beast&gt;, stop worrying!".</p><p></p><p>I guess one good thing I learned from Beastette, and that's what happens when you overpressure your one "good" kid to compensate for your other difficult child's. I like difficult child's girlfriend, but I also recognize what she is, and what she's doing to my son. She exists on either end of the pendulum swing - no in between, and no real happiness. Just hard work, then hard play and vicarious escape with my son.</p><p></p><p>Even bad examples serve their pupose.</p><p></p><p>So for now, we support our daughter, encourage her, sometimes spoil her, and try to help her back up when she has a bad day (like yesterday). We also make a point of helping her maintain her own identity and direction. Sometime soon, though, I will have to speak with wife about getting my daughter some help. wife, god bless her wonderful soul, will NOT think this is a good idea. But it's probably necessary given that we have at least another year with the beast and her older brother (a.k.a "The Emotional Chainsaw").</p><p></p><p>Thanks, everyone, for your kind responses and letting me vent. One day, hopefully, I can be the one offering help, hugs, and kind words to someone else in need - assuming I get through the next few years intact.</p><p></p><p> :flower: </p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 47067, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jbrain</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Yeah, DDD, the pride that it brings--parents desperately holding on to the easy child as proof that they are good parents after all...I know my former easy child, now difficult child 2, felt that she did everything we asked and more but who got all the attention? difficult child of course! </div></div> For us, it's the opposite. Not pride, but guilt, knowing that difficult child consumes most of our time, that our entire family schedule and routine has been changed to try and minimize the fallout from his acting out, etc. We are very proud of her, but more than anything we feel guilty for what we've had to do, and what it's done to her. As a result, we sometimes overcompensate with her, which could be just as bad. <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">There is a lot of pressure on the "good kid" in a family with a difficult child, even if it isn't intended.</div></div> This is probably true, but from a different angle. We fluctuate between [b](a)[/b] walking on eggshells around her to keep difficult child and my other son out of the picture as much as possible, and [b](b)[/b] bugging the devil out of her to let her know that we see all our kids differently, and don't expect more (or less) out of her because of anything either of her brothers do. She gets mad when we do this "Dad, I'm not going to turn out like <the beast>, stop worrying!". I guess one good thing I learned from Beastette, and that's what happens when you overpressure your one "good" kid to compensate for your other difficult child's. I like difficult child's girlfriend, but I also recognize what she is, and what she's doing to my son. She exists on either end of the pendulum swing - no in between, and no real happiness. Just hard work, then hard play and vicarious escape with my son. Even bad examples serve their pupose. So for now, we support our daughter, encourage her, sometimes spoil her, and try to help her back up when she has a bad day (like yesterday). We also make a point of helping her maintain her own identity and direction. Sometime soon, though, I will have to speak with wife about getting my daughter some help. wife, god bless her wonderful soul, will NOT think this is a good idea. But it's probably necessary given that we have at least another year with the beast and her older brother (a.k.a "The Emotional Chainsaw"). Thanks, everyone, for your kind responses and letting me vent. One day, hopefully, I can be the one offering help, hugs, and kind words to someone else in need - assuming I get through the next few years intact. [img]:flower:[/img] Mikey [/QUOTE]
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Me again - easy child losing it because of difficult child....
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