Me update - Xanax warning

[Steely]

I went to the Dr yesterday and he agreed to give me enough Ambien to get me through to see the "clinic" here in town. I didn't know we had a mental health clinic, but apparently we do, and it is the only way to see a psychiatrist here in 'Z' Arizona who will be able to prescribe Ambien. It takes months to get in, but the family Dr gave me enough to see them.

He also gave me the right amount of Xanax to wean myself off of it, and talked to me about how to do it. So I feel confident that if I have the Ambien to sleep, I will not need the Xanax, and I will be able to normally d/c it.

He confirmed that even .25 of Xanax a day, will produce a physical addiction and there will be a withdrawal like the one I experienced if it is stopped.
So just a warning to us all,
Even the smallest amount of Xanax, taken daily, will cause your body to be physically addicted. He said it ranks up there with meth and cigarettes in terms of your body becoming physically dependent. Yikes!

He also said that Ambien is addictive, and it is now classified as a narcotic. I am not sure what to do, as I do not want to ever be addicted to anything - but when I can't sleep for literally days on end - something has got to give. Not sure, but I will talk to the psychiatrist about it.

Other than that things are going sometimes OK, sometimes horrible. I posted on PE about Matt, who continues to spiral downwards. So freaking sad, I can only post once about it.

My boss, who has quickly become my very best friend, has resigned and is moving to Vegas. I am going to miss her so much. I truly have not had a girl friend that I am this close to in forever. She and I have such a good time together, it has been awesome. With her leaving, I will apply for her job, which would be an amazing career advancement for me. But I would rather have her stay in 'Z' Arizona.

On the flip side, I am trying super hard to love my new town, and make friends. I bought a brand new car, cash, which is a first ever for me. It is a Jeep Sahara - and it is perfect for the desert here.

I have the pleasure of having 2 guys that are "kind of" into me. (One is 29 - hehe.) They are nothing serious, but more flirty friends who love to go hiking with me, skiing, etc. It brings healing to my battered heart when one of them shows they truly do care about me as a person. I have not had that in a man, ever. So it seems perfect for these 2 guys to be able to slowly heal that fissure, through just being casual friends, nothing more.

Well, that is all I know for now. I am pressing on, and trying so hard to detach from Matt, and live my own life. I think it will ultimately pay off.

 

[Suz]

Steely, you are taking positive steps in a positive direction. I can *hear* the optimism creeping back into your cyber-voice. It's wonderful.

Suz

 

[Star*]

YOU GOT A JEEP??? THAT IS like.....a SEXMOBILE....I mean it...you are going to be driving around in that car you paid cash for and all of a sudden men are going to look over at you and drop their sunglasses and give you that...."Hey baby..you are sooooo sexy look." Like moths to a flame girl....

Wooooooo Look out! Shhhhheeeeeees HOT.

I mean you were hot without the Jeep Sahara but it never hurts to get a little added incentive to make you feel better about yourself.

And a PROMOTION? THat's showing 'em at corporate!

I know you will miss your friend. That's the rain cloud in all of this, but...now with the extra money you can fly to meet her 1/2 way or with that man-bait Jeep of yours...drive and meet her 1/2 way. Who knows maybe you'll find some sexy coyote out there in the desert.

I think it's good to hear Steely back in her posts. And ya know once you get a little normal sleep? I don't think the addiction will be a problem. I think you're smart, brilliant, and very aware of the possibility so you're already ahead of THAT game....(are you still putting positive words of affirmation on sticky notes?) Smart, brilliant and positive - are good ones too.

Sounds like you're finding yourself again kiddo - that's really nice to hear.

I'm sorry about Matt...I think a lot of our boys are having trouble finding themselves right now. It stinks and hurts and there isn't a lot to be done about it except be the best Moms we can be. I think you're doing fantastic by the way.

Hugs to you - you sexy Jeep drivin Momma - and he's WHAT?29?

You little minx you....lol. Enjoy it.

Hugs
Star

 

[klmno]

Steely- this sounds great- you are really doing well! It takes a long time to get over so much pain that has come from several sources, as you know, but you are getting there! I'm really happy for you- the friendship, although she is moving, the new vehicle, and potential for even a better job position, all sound wonderful! I know the situation with Matt is still hard for you, but he will always be your son and you two will always have a bond that is stronger than any MI. He is ok- he'll have his steps backwards sometimes but all-in-all, he is moving forward and developing his own life. Developing your own life while still loving him can only help him- don't feel guilty about it!! Enjoy!! And, I think you have shown great strides by working the medication issue out with a dr- at the aprropriate time and in a practical way that is in your best interest. Good job!!

 

[Lothlorien]

Whew! I hear that optimism that Suz hears too. I'm glad you've made a few friends out there. Sorry to hear that your boss has resigned. Is it possible that you might slip into that position?

 

[Steely]

Thanks for the positive vibes from my board friends.

Star* you make me smile, every time you post. Yes, I have a sexmobile Jeep, and he is only 29. Haha. I could, possibly, be morphing into a cougar.

Loth, I am praying/hoping that I can move into my bosses position. That is my goal, and I am writing up a proposal to present to the VP.

KLMNO and Suz I am so glad I have your support and that you believe in me.

It is my board friends that I think and pray for daily. You guys are the best.

 

[Star*]

Steely -

The closest thing we have to a cougar smiley ....is a spork. -

OH I'm in TROUBLE now.

 

[horserider]

Steely,

Thank you for the warning, I posted a few wks ago about just starting on it and have been careful. 2-3 times a week, when I have to visit my difficult child, or dealing with the court system and his issues. I was beginning to feel if I did not have something to help calm my nerves I would end up in the psychiatric hospital myself.

Your optimism lifted my spirit today, you are soooo lucky to live in AZ. I go every year to visit my mom. I love it there and have been known to cry in the airport when I have to come back to this cold Michigan weather. A new jeep and male friends to hang out with, ok I'm jealous.
Hitting the big 50 next year and talking with- friends about going to Vegas, then down to Sedona. I read your posts about Matt, I'm glad your hanging in there. It has been a hard road, I agree with Star, a lot of our boys are really stuggling right now. Not allowing it to overwhelm us, taking the steps you made, it shows your strength and detrmination.

Star - can you tell me what site I can get those little animated guys/gals?
Your post really made me smile, it was fun to read.

You gals made my day, thanks for that!!
Have a great weekend

 

[DammitJanet]

Steely...glad to hear you are doing better.

Great that you bought a new car...Way To Go! It sounds so cool. I always wanted a jeep.

On the xanax and ambien front. I dont take xanax but I take klonopin and ambien. I have taken them for years now. I have no problem if I cant get them. Ambien is not a narcotic as it is a hypnotic sleep medication. You can become dependent on Ambien to sleep but you dont go through withdrawals like some people do benzos or narcotics. You may simply not be able to sleep. That is what happens to me. I can tell if my ambien pill happens to miss my mouth and fall down on the floor or something because I will still be awake early into the morning even though I take a boatload of medications.

 

[bby31288]

Steely, just a thought on the ambien. I take it almost nightly. You know that feeling you get when your sleeping and your falling and you jerk...well that happens to me all night long.

But on to my warning. Watch the weird side effects of getting out of bed and doing things you wouldn't normally do on ambien and not remembering. I have cooked food. Talked to my husband, all harmless. But once I got in the car and drove, and was nearly arrested. But thankfully the police office that pulled me over realized I was not drunk, but perhaps in a medical epsoide. He called my emergency contact and I was retrieved. Thankfully I did not kill anyone, or myself, or have a terrible accident or cause a terrible accident. It was a very scary experience. So yes ambien is a wonderful sleep medication. But just be careful!

 

[Steely]

Steely -

The closest thing we have to a cougar smiley ....is a spork. -

OH I'm in TROUBLE now.

A spork???? No fair!

You are too funny girl.

(Horserider you can get the silly icons in the box to the right that is labeled "Smilies". Push "More" and it will take you down a list a mile long of funny faces.)

 

[everywoman]

I will not take Xanax for any reason. First, for both difficult child and husband it is one of their drugs of choice for abuse. If I have to have anything to "calm" me, I ask specifically for transcense (sp). It is an older drug, I can break it into smaller pieces, and I have never had a problem with not taking it. I usually get a small dose, and then break it in half and use when my nerves are shot. It has gotten me through some really rough times and I never had any withdrawal issues.

I can not take ambien or lunesta. I have weird side effects from both. I do use tylenol pm and over the counter sleep aids like simply sleep. They work well for me.

 

[rejectedmom]

Steely you sound so much better! I am so glad things are working out for you. You deserve to be happy. Congrats on the Jeep! I remember when I got my Cherokee back when I was about your age LOL. Jeeps are fun and sporty and I felt strong, sexy and a bit of a rebel when I drove it. Unfortunately I soon movred into a minivan and husband got my jeep but it was fun for a few years. -RM

 

[Nomad]

You sound very good...just posted that at PE.
And so wise and good of you to remind folks about the dangers of xanax.

We each have to do the hard work of finding good coping mechanisms.

Okay, I don't get it about the spork and cougar thing....

 

[DammitJanet]

You drove on Ambien? OMG! I have heard those stories before but never met someone who has done it. I sometimes fall asleep at night in bed while eating. I tend to eat like dry cereal or jelly beans at night while watching tv and sometimes I fall asleep with my little zip lock baggie on my lap. Thats the worst thing I have ever done.

Ambien doesnt put me right out either. I take my medications at night at say 9:30 or so and I am lucky to be asleep by 11. I sometimes get up and read or post online. I have to be careful that I do make sense though if I am posting after about midnight because sometimes Im a bit loopy by then...lol.

 

[bby31288]

Yes Janet. I got out of bed and changed my clothes, for whatever reason. And went to pick up difficult child. Apparently, she called and I answered, she said I sounded completely normal. She had plans to stay at a friends house, normally I don't allow it, but this friend is a friend of the family, her family and mine. I know they are supervised. difficult child wasn't feeling well. She asked if I could pick her up. I got in the car and proceeded to drive. I apparently started following some lady, and must have followed her completely home. From what I found out, she got out of her car, and told me she called the police. difficult child had been calling my cell. It was about 30 minutes and I still hadn't shown up. The lady I was following took my cell told difficult child that I was drunk and following her and that I was going to jail. Then the cops showed up. He realized I wasn't drunk and called my ICE contact in my phone. My friend Drove difficult child home and waited for me. husband came and picked me up. Thankfully no harm done. But it was an awful experience, the realization that I could have killed someone or myself is so scary. I had been taking ambien almostly nightly for over a year before that happened. I am not sure if it was the timing of when I took it in comparsion to difficult child calling that triggered. husband was sleeping next to me and never even heard me get out of bed and leave. Overall not something I wish to do again.

 

[Steely]

Update -

I went hiking yesterday with G the 29 year old - and he got me lost on a plateau. Yikes. It was getting dark, and we were finally finding our way off the mountain and I darn near stepped on a rattlesnake who was poised and ready to strike. Don't ever trust a 29 year old to lead the way.

Then I went over to R's house. R was worried about me because I had been out so long hiking and he thought something had happened to me. (No one every worries about me. Very nice.) We talked about my relationship with G, and he said that although he didn't mind me hanging out with him, R couldn't say whether or not that might affect our current "friend" (?) relationship. Hmmm. R has told me all along he just wanted to be friends, but I don't want anything to affect our relationship either.

Men are confusing.

R and I are going to go on a houseboat on the lake for a couple of days next week. That should be cool.

I got an email from M, my boss, saying she will give her resignation tomorrow. Talk about poop hitting the fan. It should be drama central! I took an extra day off today, so that I could be ready for the fall out.

 

[bby31288]

Steely!! My oh my, you have your hands full with "G" and "R". I'm kinda jealous lol. Now I'm gonna tell you what I tell difficult child. Make sure the choices you make today are the ones you can live with tomorrow!! Have fun....

 

[Star*]

RE: Ambien -

My Mother - the wee Irish Mum....Had such funky things going on in her home when she was on Ambien she was SURE someone was breaking into her home and messing with her OR she was sleep walking to the extreme. So she set up a video camera. She realized after the taping that it was HER!! She would get up - and cook, make meals, eat, pop popcorn, watch TV - and the worst thing? (actually not really for me) was that she got into her wallet, got out her credit card and ordered jewelry off of QVC for herself, me and my sister as she saw things that she liked for us. HAD NO CLUE she was doing it. NONE. She never went outside - but she said that one night she found herself in the basement doing a load of laundry.

The video tape captured her walking back and forth getting out of bed, recorded her ordering stuff off QVC and she didn't remember a thing. Not a single thing. We all of course sent back the jewelry - but I can honestly say I loved her on Ambien. (no not really)

Just be careful.

She switched to Lunesta - but found better results with non-addicting muscle relaxers that she takes on occasion.