well almost and then I caved and let him come down and eat.
It all started with Tae Kwon Do. difficult child was completely wired and out of control. He was talking out, not doing the moves, hitting himself in the head with his belt, and bothering everyone around him. He is usually much better behaved and I was really annoyed and embarrassed by his behavior (also annoyed that the instrutor wasn't harder on him). So on the way home, I told him that I wasn't going to bring him to TKD if he wasn't going to participate appropriately. I also told him that he wasn't going out to play when we got home and that he was having dinner and going to bed (it's an evening class so this is not as harsh as it seems). So I sent him up to change out of his uniform and he had a fit about putting on pjs. 30 minutes of screaming later, he came downstairs. Then he had a fit because I would not let him sit at the counter and watch tv while he ate. I reminded him of his behavior at TKD and he went ballistic. I then fixed his plate and he demanded that more rice be put on his plate. I told him that there was plenty and after he had eaten his chicken he could have some more. This was not the answer he was looking for and he dumped his plate on the floor, screaming at me and calling me an idiot. Okay, this is where I snapped. I walked over, scooped up all 75 pounds of him and carried him upstairs. I told him that he was disrespectful and refused to take ownership of his behavior. I said that since he had dumped his plate, he was not eating dinner that night. husband who had arrived home form work somewhere in the middle of all this was came in to help me. difficult child screamed, cried, alternated between apologizing and threatening me with bodily harm if I did not let him eat. You would think it had been a week since his last meal-lol. Finally he settled down in his bed and was quiet and calm. I went to the other room and explained what was going on to husband. At this point I am starving and so is husband but we feel bad about eating if difficult child is going to bed without dinner. So I decide to allow him to come down and eat. I fix him a second plate that he eats without complaint and he has a few healthy snacks as well. At this point, his evening medications. are kicking in and he almost fall asleep at the counter. We go up and tuck him in and he's quickly sound asleep looking like a little angel.
And now, since hindsight is always more clear, it is easy to see what I could have done differently:
1. When signing up for TKD the instuctor made it clear that she was responsible for the students during classtime, ie, difficult child was her problem. Since I couldn't stand watching the fiasco, I could have gone out to car and read my book.
2. The ride home is about twenty minutes so it was not a good idea to lay into difficult child when we were getting into the car. This just gave him 20 minutes to scream and rage about the injustice of a consequence. I could have told him after we got in the frontdoor. He would have had the same reaction but it would have been a more pleasent car ride.
3. I could have given him more rice right away. Is it that big of a deal if he eats less chicken that evening?
Oh well, maybe next time I will be smarter and not let my emotions help precipitate a meltdown. And unfortuanately, there is always a next time!
Thanks for letting me share,
Christy
It all started with Tae Kwon Do. difficult child was completely wired and out of control. He was talking out, not doing the moves, hitting himself in the head with his belt, and bothering everyone around him. He is usually much better behaved and I was really annoyed and embarrassed by his behavior (also annoyed that the instrutor wasn't harder on him). So on the way home, I told him that I wasn't going to bring him to TKD if he wasn't going to participate appropriately. I also told him that he wasn't going out to play when we got home and that he was having dinner and going to bed (it's an evening class so this is not as harsh as it seems). So I sent him up to change out of his uniform and he had a fit about putting on pjs. 30 minutes of screaming later, he came downstairs. Then he had a fit because I would not let him sit at the counter and watch tv while he ate. I reminded him of his behavior at TKD and he went ballistic. I then fixed his plate and he demanded that more rice be put on his plate. I told him that there was plenty and after he had eaten his chicken he could have some more. This was not the answer he was looking for and he dumped his plate on the floor, screaming at me and calling me an idiot. Okay, this is where I snapped. I walked over, scooped up all 75 pounds of him and carried him upstairs. I told him that he was disrespectful and refused to take ownership of his behavior. I said that since he had dumped his plate, he was not eating dinner that night. husband who had arrived home form work somewhere in the middle of all this was came in to help me. difficult child screamed, cried, alternated between apologizing and threatening me with bodily harm if I did not let him eat. You would think it had been a week since his last meal-lol. Finally he settled down in his bed and was quiet and calm. I went to the other room and explained what was going on to husband. At this point I am starving and so is husband but we feel bad about eating if difficult child is going to bed without dinner. So I decide to allow him to come down and eat. I fix him a second plate that he eats without complaint and he has a few healthy snacks as well. At this point, his evening medications. are kicking in and he almost fall asleep at the counter. We go up and tuck him in and he's quickly sound asleep looking like a little angel.
And now, since hindsight is always more clear, it is easy to see what I could have done differently:
1. When signing up for TKD the instuctor made it clear that she was responsible for the students during classtime, ie, difficult child was her problem. Since I couldn't stand watching the fiasco, I could have gone out to car and read my book.
2. The ride home is about twenty minutes so it was not a good idea to lay into difficult child when we were getting into the car. This just gave him 20 minutes to scream and rage about the injustice of a consequence. I could have told him after we got in the frontdoor. He would have had the same reaction but it would have been a more pleasent car ride.
3. I could have given him more rice right away. Is it that big of a deal if he eats less chicken that evening?
Oh well, maybe next time I will be smarter and not let my emotions help precipitate a meltdown. And unfortuanately, there is always a next time!
Thanks for letting me share,
Christy
