Medication Drama from difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by welcometowitsend, Mar 20, 2013.

  1. So, I called the doctors office to tell them that difficult child is refusing to take the Concerta unless I fill the prescription and just hand them over to him.

    I have huge concerns about this because A) It can be sold as a street drug, B) He could use it and/or his friends could use it as a street drug C) He would likely take it in appropriately and end up keeping himself awake half the night which he already has a problem getting an appropriate amount of sleep.

    I offered to drive in to the school every day to give him his medication - difficult child said no way.

    The secretary at the doctors office encouraged me to look for alternatives to get him to take the medication. She really feels that this could make a huge difference in difficult child's life. I agree. I have seen the difference it has made for easy child and it's been life changing. If difficult child could get rid of his focus issues, begin thinking straight and have the ability to organize himself and remember things he might be able to start seeing what's wrong in his life and decide to change things for himself.

    So, I called difficult child this afternoon to offer to other suggestions.....
    A) Get the school to distribute the medications to him on a daily basis (he doesn't need it on weekends) which they agreed to. He could just whip up to the attendance counter and get his medication and go on his merry way.
    or
    B) He could put me in touch with the woman he lives with, I could meet her, have a discussion with her and if I felt comfortable I could give them to her to distribute to him.

    In typical difficult child fashion he states that he is 'independent' and wants to be in control of his own medication. He is in control of his wellbutrin but he consistently takes it on an inconsistent basis and could certainly not be trusted to make sure he took the Concerta before 9am. His condition is that I give him the medication and leave him to be responsible to take it. He is not even willing to compromise on a trial basis just to see if it helps at all. It's like when he used to live here - he knows I want him to take it so he's trying to hold me hostage with his terms.

    Even if I just handed over 5 at a time I have no way of knowing what he's doing with them or if he's taking them appropriately. And if he's not taking them appropriately and/or selling them then I'm contributing to his harm not his health. I know he drinks and smokes but to my knowledge he hasn't done drugs up until this point.

    He also stated that he wants control because otherwise he'd be forced to talk to me. Oh really. Sorry, didn't realize I was forcing you to have a relationship with me. And he doesn't think there is anything wrong with his life despite the fact that he is failing miserably in school, skips all the time, is living on someone's couch, has virtually no relationship with anyone in the family. The only person he has a relationship with right now is me and that's because I make all the effort. He makes zero effort and everyone else is tired of trying to have a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with them.

    Anyway, we didn't finish the conversation because he either hung up on me or his phone went dead. I tried calling back but it went straight to voicemail.

    So frustrated right now. What would you do? I'm so torn because I so want to give him this chance to be/do better.
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    And the alternatives to Concerta... i.e. the non-stimulant ADHD medications... require consistency, because they are a "build up in your system" medication. Strattera, for example, is... horrendously expensive, and probably can't be covered by a drug plan until he's tried the two families of stims first, and..

    Ya. Right.

    And... besides that... how is having SCHOOL control the medications forcing him to be in contact with you?
     
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    WTW, my very first reaction is "I smell a rat." Only my opinion, and I could very well be wrong and your difficult child is completely ready to be responsible for his medications. My second thought was, "he'll sell them." If he isn't taking drugs like you believe, then selling them will turn him a pretty good profit, at least as much as he gets for his "couch surfing government stipend, if not more, likely much more."

    I would feel as you do,I would want to believe that he would be consistent, that he would be on the case because after all it's his health we're talking about, but.............I've learned from my own experience that for the most part, they just don't think that way. And, as IC said, how is the school administering the medications having to see you? You said it yourself, he certainly can't be trusted to take these medications when he doesn't take his Wellbutrin consistently. Plus, he said he doesn't think there is anything wrong with his life............well then, why take medications? None of it makes any sense to me. Sounds to me like he wants them just to have them and get one over on you and everybody, or he is going to sell them. Somehow taking them doesn't seem to be one of the options he's looking at.

    If it were me, I would say, "when you are ready to address this in an adult fashion, which means to take the medications for your health, regardless of how they are administered or who administers them, get in touch with me. You have not proven to be responsible enough to be in charge of something as important and valuable as your health." I'm sorry, I know you want him to get better and take responsibility, but it doesn't sound as if that is the direction he is going. (I don't think the phone went dead, my guess is he hung up, my difficult child has been doing that to me for years, they just don't want to listen to what we have to say anymore......................)
     
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just out of curiosity, I did a google search on the street value of Concerta.........$3 to $10 per pill depending on the dosage. Yikes. He could pay rent and then some..............
     
  5. Winnielg

    Winnielg New Member

    I am with the others. He cannot be trusted to take them, not sell them etc based on previous, and from what i gather, recent behavior. The school solution clearly is a good compromise and the fact that he is against it just further proves his inability to handle his own medications. Just stinks all around because maybe this will help him but his terms are not realistic no matter how you slice and dice it! So even if you allow him to do it his way there is no guarantee you or anyone else would know the actual effect.

    Sticks to your guns.
    Hang in there
     
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    And knowing what you know, if another person took his medications (if he shared or sold them) imagine if they died.

    My nephew was given left over medications at the end of the school year. The nurse didn't tell my sister they were coming. A friend offered to buy some, another snuck in his backpack and stole some. All were suspended their last days of school.

    He's a great kid....that was way too tempting. Now sister hand delivers to the nurse and she gives them. Sister made it clear extras come to her only. Never give them to kids!
     
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could just let the school do it. Then he will not have a choice and you will pick them up at the end of the year. He will have to take them. If he's not ready to be responsible with them, then he has to be monitered.
     
  8. Oh man RE - I've been reading a little bit online about abusing Concerta - some very concerning stuff. You're right, it looks like they sell for $3-$10 each because the high can last a long time. I'm guessing at his starting dosage he'd probably sell them for $5 each. Given that I already believe he is selling cigarettes to minors (he's a minor too but I think his friends mother is buying them for him) I certainly wouldn't put it past him to sell his prescription medication. Cigarettes sell for $1 each! He can buy a pack for $10 and sell them for $25. I doubt he's selling the Wellbutrin because it doesn't have much street value, if any, and he's gone well over 40 days on a 30 day prescription (because he doesn't take them properly) and he didn't mention to me that he was almost out of them when I spoke to him yesterday.

    Insane - You're right, the whole thing just reeks of lies and manipulation. Having the school give him his medication every morning means he doesn't have to have any contact with me and could still get his medication - you'd think that would be a win/win if he wanted it for the right reasons.

    Winnie - You are right. Even if I give him his medication there is no way for me or anyone else to know if he is taking it properly, selling it, abusing it himself or if it is even working for him. The only way to know if it was working for him would be if he started making better decisions - but he really doesn't need the Concerta to make those decisions - he was making the decision to go to school before and to study and get good grades and he wasn't on medication then.

    Buddy - That's a huge fear of mine. I explained that to difficult child as well. I only know a couple of his friends, the rest are people that come in and out and there is always someone new in his life. Therefore, I can't trust them not to abuse his medication.

    Upallnight - You're right. It would be easier for everyone if difficult child would agree to take them from the school - but he doesn't want to do that.

    I left it with him. Told him that by making this decision the only person he is hurting is himself. That he is missing out on an opportunity to change his life, although he doesn't think there is anything wrong with his life.

    Some of the things he said were very hurtful and I'm really angry with him right now.

    The school called this morning and despite being threatened with notifying C (the woman he is staying with) about his attendance issues he is still skipping class. They have another alternative which is to force him into a co-op placement next year called Alternative Ed. He would work 4 days a week and attend school 1 day a week. For every 110 hours he works he will get 1 full credit. And they get paid while they work so he would have an honest income and a potential job when / if he graduates. This would probably tick him off because he wouldn't be able to hang out with his friends at school and take all the fun credits he is signing up for next year but it is one more effort to try and get his attention that there can be consequences for his actions. They are going to wait for a week and see if his attendance gets any better and if not they are going to start threatening him with this next step. They want to do it while he still has a chance to get some of his credits this semester. I'm thinking math will be a total loss by now but he still has a chance with English, drama and cooking class. difficult child also wants to take a 'victory lap' and do an extra year of high school but he will be 18 almost 19 by then and the school said that they may force him into adult day school instead of letting him come back for an extra year of high school. I hope they follow through and give difficult child a wake up call - he's been sliding by and manipulating himself out of trouble for far too long in my opinion.

    Today is easy child's birthday. She is 14. I'm not going to let this get me down. And I'm definitely not going to let it affect her birthday today or her party tomorrow!
     
  9. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Stick to your guns! Been there done that...my difficult child was on Adderal and Ambien and I doled them both out. Had to keep changing hiding places because he would find them and abuse them. Tried to lock them up, he would somehow get into the box or crack the combination. Ended up carrying them with me everywhere I went. He is no longer on them since hospitalizations. Does not sound like he is ready for the responsibility and I know how hard you want him to suceed! It sounds like he is going to have to learn the hard way, like the rest of our difficult child'S. Give in to him now and I think you'll be setting a precedent, and not a good one.
     
  10. In a Daze - Thank you for your support. I have a feeling at some point down the road my difficult child may end up with the BPII diagnoses along with the ADHD like your difficult child has.

    Of course I pray and hope that I am wrong.

    I have not heard from difficult child since. Guessing that I won't be hearing from him any time soon either. I have a feeling he may be back off his Wellbutrin because he's gone so long between prescriptions now. He is about 3 weeks past due on renewing his 30 day prescription. Not a good sign.
     
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