medications for mommies & daddies

[crazymama30]

I am considering making an appointment with husband's psychiatrist for myself, but am having a hard time following thru with it. It makes me feel like a failure. So how many of you ended up on medications after a few years of dealing with a difficult child or difficult child of a spouse? I feel like I should be able to buck up and deal with life, but I am increasingly finding that hard to do. I spent all of last night in tears, I sometimes get so sick and tired of helping everyone else and no one helps me. I need a vacation, but am not at a point where I can take one.

 

[flutterbee]

First and foremost, you are NOT a failure. Hon, I couldn't do half of what you do everyday. So, just knock that off right now.

I know we've had this conversation before and many parents here have ended up on AD's and/or anti-anxiety medications. It's not at all uncommon.

I take an AD - lexapro. I take it because I have struggled with depression for years. I was depressed AND a screaming banshee. I had my first major episode at 13 or 14, but I resisted medications until I was 28-29. Why? Because just like you, I felt like a failure. I felt like I should just be able to svck it up and deal with it. Finally, when the episodes were coming closer together and lasting longer I broke and tried medications. And then I kicked myself for having waited so long. It was such a remarkable difference.

One thing to remember is that the longer depression goes untreated, the harder it becomes to treat. Another is that you have to take care of yourself if you're going to be able to continue taking care of your family.

You're not a failure. Not even close. Do what you need to do to take care of you.

And if you need to cry, vent, whine, if you can't sleep...well, there's almost always someone on the board. We're here for you.

(((hugs)))

 

[totoro]

I would never take medications, you are crazy!!!
Ha Ha
Well because I have BiPolar (BP) of course I take medications...
But husband started taking Lexapro about 2 years ago, for the anxiety and depression that had built up from all of this.
He is just about weaned off of it. I think next week he will be done. We have transitioned him over to a bunch of vitamins.
He is feeling better and in a much better place. His Doctor feels he is OK to try going off of it.
He will go back on something if he needs them.
I of course NEED medications. It is a fact of my life. Some days I hate it. But I have tried to learn to deal, I have stopped taking my medications, not good.
But when I am screaming and angry and feel like I am losing my mind... not sleeping etc. The medications do help.
They really do.
It may take a few tries. If therapy and diet and exercise are not helping... we as parents sometimes need something else. It doesn't have to be forever either.
by the way you are a great MOM!!!

 

[gcvmom]

been there done that

I earned my first scrip for my own evolving mental health issues as the result of a parent with TWO difficult child's and a difficult child spouse when my oldest was only in KINDERGARTEN.

Ya know, it's perfectly normal for our coping mechanisms to significantly weaken if not wear out completely after years and years of dealing with the drama, the trauma and all the other chaos that goes with having a difficult child in the house. Multiply that by a factor of 10 for each difficult child you have (spouses included)!

So don't take it as a sign of failure. Take it as a testament to the marathon your life has become and that in order to finish this in one piece, sometimes we all need a little help. If that means a scrip to get us through the day, so be it.

Make and keep that appointment. It will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.

 

[Hound dog]

You ARE NOT a failure.

With 2 difficult child kids and a major difficult child husband I finally had to make the call myself. And I finally followed thru simply because I knew I was falling apart and if one more thing happened I'd not be able to cope.

We are only human and can only deal with so much.

Getting help was the smartest thing I ever did. Two years on medications made all the difference in the world.

Hon, you can't be of much help to anyone if you're teetering on the edge yourself. Daily life with difficult child's is stressful to the hilt at best.

Go thru with the appointment. You deserve to take care of you too.

(((hugs)))

 

[susiestar]

You so totally ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!! (Do I have to make you write "I am not a failure, I just need some help." 200 times??)

Personally, I think if you didn't need some help there would be something wrong. There is just SO MUCH stress involved in dealing with difficult children that most of us need some extra help.

Make the appointment. Keep the appointment. Ask for samples or for one of the medications on the $4 list if you are having a hard time financially. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Remember to give the medications 4-6 weeks to fully work, and remember you may not get the right one the first time. Commit to the long haul - you are worth it.

I have been through just about every AD out there. I always go back to prozac. For me it is the one that works best. But every one is different. I DO caution you that starting with effexor would problem not be a good idea. It has a very substantial side effect profile, and the withdrawal effects can start if you are an hour late with your next dose. For some people it is very effective and helpful, but it would be a better idea to trial some other medications first. Just what I have learned the hard way.

YOU ARE WORTH IT. COMMIT TO WHAT IT TAKES TO FEEL GOOD AND ENJOY LIFE.

Make the appointment. Go on. Put it on your list for first thing in the morning.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[Lothlorien]

The best thing for you to do for yourself and your family is to realize that you need help. I had to go on Lexapro for a while. Things were tough. I lost two close friends that year to cancer, Missy was diagnosis'd with bipolar and was not stable, by any means, add family issues and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. It took all of about 3 or 4 days of taking it, when I realized that I did the right thing, because I felt so much better.

With difficult children you need to be a creative parent...always on top of your game, right? When you are depressed, you lose that edge and your creativity is gone. You want to give your family all of you, but when you are depressed, you don't have the energy or drive to do that. If medications help you be the person you want to be, then there's nothing to be ashamed of.

I see you have hypothyroidism, too. You may want to have a full work up, including hormone level.

 

[crazymama30]

So, I will make an appointment, and keep it. Thank you for sharing your stories and telling me to quit being silly.


Loth, I will actually go get labs drawn either tommorrow or Thursday. About a month ago my levels were low, and I felt like this but worse. I have been going from ok, to tears, to screaming banshee woman for some time now, but I think I need to do something. I could at least make the appointment, because who knows when they will get me in. I just don't trust to many docs to write scrips, my family doctor is not someone I trust right now, he let my thyroid level stay low for 3 months. I would only see either difficult child's psychiatrist or husband's psychiatrist for an AD.

 

[Marcie Mac]

I finally bit the bullet and took them for a year or so to get me thru before I lost my mind.

Unfortunately, the stress took a toll - on my blood pressure and I find myself with a nice case of IBS not to mention insonmia.

Its not a failure to take the medications..In hindsight I should have started taking them from the beginning.. You don't realize the nasty things stress can do to your body.

Marcie

 

[trinityroyal]

Another vote for You Are NOT a Failure!

I took Ativan every day for about 18 months solid, just to get through the days with difficult child before we got him into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and sorted out his diagnosis. husband was on a pretty serious medications cocktail as well. We needed the help to get through the day, putting one foot in front of the other.

There's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with you. You need help and support to cope under unbelievably difficult circumstances.

Sending hugs,
Trinity

 

[Shari]

Crazymama, let us know when you're appointment is scheduled for. We can help "build you up" to get there. (I'm volunteering you all here...hope you don't mind).

I've been on and off A/D's in dealing with the difficult child's over the years. It really does help.

You wouldn't fight cancer without chemo; you wouldn't fight strep without antibiotics; why fight depression without A/D's? You have an infection (difficult child) and your body needs some help kicking it. Least it helps me to look at it that way.

hugs.

 

[crazymama30]

So Shari, you guys are going to help me kick my difficult child's? lol I got a visual about that one. husband and difficult child are going to get the board boot. At least I laughed, I needed that.

I guess I am just worried that I am just going to get told that I am too stressed out (ya think?) and that I need to do less. The problem is how to do less? I need to go to school, I need to work, and I need to deal with difficult child. husband has filed for disability, again, so maybe that will come through and that would help. In all honesty husband does his own appts and scheduling, but I still have to "deal" with his moods. He is an ultra radian (or fast) cycler. I watched him cycle 3 times in an hour the other day. It was crazy, and he has no idea he is doing it. So in order to lessen my stress, I could divorce husband and send him and difficult child packing. Not an option.


I will stop making excuses, and will just call. I will call when the office opens. No excuses.

 

[gcvmom]

You go girl!

One thing I found when I first started my medications is that I hadn't realized how BAD I'd been feeling until I finally started to feel better! Depression has a way of sneaking up on you over time, and you simply adjust to feeling like crap until one day the bottom falls out and your body starts rebelling against the stress. For me, it was GI problems, insomnia, and crying at the drop of a hat. All that went away and I had energy to do the things I'd been neglecting once I got treatment.

HUGS to you for taking care of yourself!

 

[lovemysons]

Hi there,
Just another one here to remind you that you are NOT a failure.

I finally lost my mind Feb 7th, 2007...that was the day that repeated itself and nearly cost me my life because of some of my actions while in a psychotic episode. I was hospitalized for a week and finally snapped out of it...thank G-d! They told me that the "next time" it would be harder to "bring me back". So I MUST take medications for the rest of my life.

I had spent years in one emotional crisis after another with 2 difficult child's...panic attacks followed and then the psychosis. I found out I have Bipolar 2.

You don't want to lose your mind in order to get help. Seriously, it's no joking matter.
As others have said, you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others.
I'm really glad you're going to seek help for you...Too many of us wait way too long to do so.

Hugs,
Tammy

 

[crazymama30]

I found one of husband's old appointment cards with psychiatrist's office number, so I will keep it pocketed and call between classes. It is hard to come to terms with this, at least for me. Thanks for the support, this is my place to go to be held up, to feel protected from the nasty world.

 

[KTMom91]

crazymama, you are so not a failure! I'm another one of those who tried to s*ck it up, because I'm Superwoman and I can deal effortlessly with Miss KT and her never ending drama, work full time, go to school part time, and keep the house clean, the child fed, all bills paid...and as a single parent! Yeah, right...but I expected that I could handle it all. When I finally got to the doctor, after Hubby and got married, I was a mess. I didn't recognize how stressed and depressed I was.

And since I'm a slow learner...I just went through this AGAIN two weeks ago. Doctor switched me from Paxil to Effexor, and I'm starting to feel much better. Friends have told me they can hear the difference in my voice. Hope you can get an appointment soon!

 

[Star*]

Like a polititian from long ago Star walks into the office and in a grey wig, 3/4 pants gathered just under the knee, a wool coat with a scad of buttons, white socks, (of course), and square toed shoes. I put my foot up on the hassock (foot stool) and cleared my throat - placing one hand over my heart for dramatic effect and flailing the other out to the side (just missing the monkey lamp by inches) I shouted........

GIVE ME VALIUM OR GIVE ME DEATH............

Of course it would have been MORE meaningful had I actually BEEN in the psychiatrists office when I did this - but the ladies in the real estate office were so kind in pointing me to the psychiatrists office.

.....Of course you can be a little less dramatic and just ASK for something to help your nerves - but I figure a little bit of entertainment goes a LONG way to getting Valium, Atavan, Welbutrin AND a potential stay at the state bed and breakfast where I could have 3 hots and a cot, therapy, no worries AND make bedroom slippers for Christmas presents out of maxi pads. http://www.uglydress.com/maxpadslip.html

Tell him --

I have a lovely Dolly Madison outfit you could borrow - lol.

 

[Shari]

I kinda like to invision the Mucinex guys, or those hideous little cartoon fungi-dudes that crawl in under the cartoon toenails (those give me the willies.....ewww) packing their bags and moving out when the new good guy (aka drug) comes to town.

Glad it got a giggle tho.

 

[mstang67chic]

A failure? Please.

A small funny to drive my point home. One time while at the psychiatrists for difficult child, she gave me some samples to use PRN for difficult child. She pulled them out of a drawer in her desk and difficult child was amazed that she kept drugs in her desk. She said that of course she does. The drawer on the left is for her patients, the big one in the middle is for her and the one on the right is for her patient's parents. Then she looked at me with an eyebrow cocked. I declined at the time but let me tell you....there have been days.

Now....raising a difficult child is enough to bring the toughest Marine to his/her knees. Doctors I see that know my situation are more surprised that I DON'T ask for anything. Could this be that they are all pill pushing freaks? Maybe. OR...it could be that it is completely acceptable to need a little sumthin sumthin to help cope/deal with the lives we lead.

Seriously though....what we do is freaking STRESSFUL!!! And if we can't keep ourselves together, what good are we to our kids? Just because we may need a little help here or there, be it respite or an anti-depressant, that only means we are human. If you need it, for the love of all that's shiny woman....TAKE IT!

 

[crazymama30]

Star, will you send me maxipad slippers for Christmas?? I want to give them to husband as a gift. lol. Oh, that would be so evil.

Bet if I went into the office wearing those I would end up in a padded room. OOOOh, a vacation.