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Meeting with son and wife
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 448102" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks to all.</p><p></p><p>On the issue of the will, S. was such a responsible young man that we made him executor, but we are cutting him out of everything. It won't matter to him...he has much more than we will have to give him. Plus...he really is not a family member anymore (his choice). I will definitely get his done. Hub and I were talking about this the other day. Sadly, he will inherit a considerable of money from his wealthier father who fails to see what he is...and will not give more to the kids who need it m ore and who were always there for him. That's just who ex is...a very nice, naive man who I still care deeply for, although not in a romantic way. I would like to wake him up, but there is no way to control HIM either. I'm not going to even talk to him in detail about this meeting with S. He so badly wanted it to go well so that all of us could get together for the holidays. He figured that if S. and I worked it out, I could help him grow close to Pastry Chef again, but that is just not going to happen. He has had a few bouts with her SO, yelling at him about how their relationship was meaningless because they were having sex before marriage (haha). He and his wife did not. If you knew him, you would believe it. He is very pious and judges everyone against his own standards, although he calls his standards "The Bible." Right. Jesus was such an intolerant guy...not.</p><p></p><p>You have all helped me a lot. Anyone who has any other suggestions on rituals or suggestions on how to gain 100% acceptance that this young man is "dead to me" (although not dead)..I welcome suggestions. </p><p></p><p>One good thing: I have never appreciated my loving family members more than now. I believe every experience we have is deliberate, in a spiritual sense, and that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps this happened to show me what real love is and to make me cherish what I have...and how to let go of a pipe dream.</p><p></p><p>All of my life since S. has come into it, I have thought of him as an exceptional person and this attitude of mine made him able to shame me: I wasn't smart enough or a good enough housekeeper or a good enough mother or blah, blaha, blah...I was just unworthy of being this Exalted One's mom. You know what? The meeting brought me down to earth. It was a lesson for me...mainly, don't elevate another human's worth. We are all just people doing the best we can...some are nicer than others. </p><p></p><p>If S. wanted his wife to be ok with me, she would be. S. chose not to tell her that I was non-threatening. I am repelled by this. All I ever did was love him, in spite of my errors which I was more than willing to correct. I can not imagine ever wanting a relationship with him again. He was attempting to almost dehumanize me. </p><p></p><p>I am soooooooooooooooo sorry that I spent my money I could have used to go to Chicago, but it was something I had to do. Maybe I can still find a way to come out. If not, you are all in my heart and I love you all to pieces. You are my safe haven and I hope I am the same for you. (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 448102, member: 1550"] Thanks to all. On the issue of the will, S. was such a responsible young man that we made him executor, but we are cutting him out of everything. It won't matter to him...he has much more than we will have to give him. Plus...he really is not a family member anymore (his choice). I will definitely get his done. Hub and I were talking about this the other day. Sadly, he will inherit a considerable of money from his wealthier father who fails to see what he is...and will not give more to the kids who need it m ore and who were always there for him. That's just who ex is...a very nice, naive man who I still care deeply for, although not in a romantic way. I would like to wake him up, but there is no way to control HIM either. I'm not going to even talk to him in detail about this meeting with S. He so badly wanted it to go well so that all of us could get together for the holidays. He figured that if S. and I worked it out, I could help him grow close to Pastry Chef again, but that is just not going to happen. He has had a few bouts with her SO, yelling at him about how their relationship was meaningless because they were having sex before marriage (haha). He and his wife did not. If you knew him, you would believe it. He is very pious and judges everyone against his own standards, although he calls his standards "The Bible." Right. Jesus was such an intolerant guy...not. You have all helped me a lot. Anyone who has any other suggestions on rituals or suggestions on how to gain 100% acceptance that this young man is "dead to me" (although not dead)..I welcome suggestions. One good thing: I have never appreciated my loving family members more than now. I believe every experience we have is deliberate, in a spiritual sense, and that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps this happened to show me what real love is and to make me cherish what I have...and how to let go of a pipe dream. All of my life since S. has come into it, I have thought of him as an exceptional person and this attitude of mine made him able to shame me: I wasn't smart enough or a good enough housekeeper or a good enough mother or blah, blaha, blah...I was just unworthy of being this Exalted One's mom. You know what? The meeting brought me down to earth. It was a lesson for me...mainly, don't elevate another human's worth. We are all just people doing the best we can...some are nicer than others. If S. wanted his wife to be ok with me, she would be. S. chose not to tell her that I was non-threatening. I am repelled by this. All I ever did was love him, in spite of my errors which I was more than willing to correct. I can not imagine ever wanting a relationship with him again. He was attempting to almost dehumanize me. I am soooooooooooooooo sorry that I spent my money I could have used to go to Chicago, but it was something I had to do. Maybe I can still find a way to come out. If not, you are all in my heart and I love you all to pieces. You are my safe haven and I hope I am the same for you. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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