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Meeting with son and wife
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 448138" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thank you all again. I knew I came to the right place to vent. </p><p></p><p>Actually, I can't remember my "nastygrams." I remember sending nice letters alternating with meaner letters, but can't recall their content. They may have been very nasty, although I'm sure I never threatened him or his wife with any harm. Scott grew up with me; he knows I am non-violent. He criticized me once for being too soft and he believes in spanking, but he had never been spanked. </p><p></p><p>For all of you who feel badly for me, don't. If he had been more accepting, more forgiving, more flexible and still did not want a relationship, it would have hurt a lot more. His callousness and obvious lack of missing me or the rest of the family for five years sent a clear message to me: We are moot in his life, whatever his life is like. I can not guess to know what is in his heart, how he treats others who don't measure up to his standards, his memories of his childhood (true or untrue...they are real to him). It made it much easier, after I left, to reflect on the situation and to see that there is nothing for me to fight for. He DID say...</p><p></p><p>"It will take time to build up trust again." I agree with those words. However, it is virtually impossible to build up trust when one is limited to phone calls, with specific reasons attached, at two month intervals and stilted visits at restaurants or his church once or twice a year. When I go to Illinois, there are many people I need to visit...my 87 year old father, my sister, my daughter and her significant other, sometimes my friend too. I only come for a few days as I can not afford days in a motel. I do not wish to bump somebody who loves me off of my schedule to do this. It will not make any difference to him. What I learned is, his family doesn't matter to him. So I am forgiving him and letting him go. </p><p></p><p>Now I can say, without feeling wishy-washy about it, that I have four kids and one grandchildren.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 448138, member: 1550"] Thank you all again. I knew I came to the right place to vent. Actually, I can't remember my "nastygrams." I remember sending nice letters alternating with meaner letters, but can't recall their content. They may have been very nasty, although I'm sure I never threatened him or his wife with any harm. Scott grew up with me; he knows I am non-violent. He criticized me once for being too soft and he believes in spanking, but he had never been spanked. For all of you who feel badly for me, don't. If he had been more accepting, more forgiving, more flexible and still did not want a relationship, it would have hurt a lot more. His callousness and obvious lack of missing me or the rest of the family for five years sent a clear message to me: We are moot in his life, whatever his life is like. I can not guess to know what is in his heart, how he treats others who don't measure up to his standards, his memories of his childhood (true or untrue...they are real to him). It made it much easier, after I left, to reflect on the situation and to see that there is nothing for me to fight for. He DID say... "It will take time to build up trust again." I agree with those words. However, it is virtually impossible to build up trust when one is limited to phone calls, with specific reasons attached, at two month intervals and stilted visits at restaurants or his church once or twice a year. When I go to Illinois, there are many people I need to visit...my 87 year old father, my sister, my daughter and her significant other, sometimes my friend too. I only come for a few days as I can not afford days in a motel. I do not wish to bump somebody who loves me off of my schedule to do this. It will not make any difference to him. What I learned is, his family doesn't matter to him. So I am forgiving him and letting him go. Now I can say, without feeling wishy-washy about it, that I have four kids and one grandchildren. [/QUOTE]
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