Memories of last October

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Aug 14, 2008.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    difficult child's anxiety continues to slowly rise. We got through the surgery on Tuesday but now he is nervous about our upcoming weekend.

    There is a possibility of going to the Mall of America (MOA). Since this weekend will be all about him - I am sure a stop at Lego Land is on the agenda sometime and that is at Mall of America.

    Last October, difficult child hit bottom when we spent a weekend in the cities following two months of not being able to get through a day of school. I had no idea what was going on. He just couldn't handle life anymore. He could not handle the noise and lights of Granite City (resturaunt) and he and I ended up sitting in the entry way while everyone else ate. sister in law did not understand the seriousness of what was going on and tried to get him to eat when the food came but it didn't work. She subtly was sending signals to me that I wasn't handling things right. At one point when he walked away from the table said I should let him go. I said, no, something is wrong with him.

    The next day, we went to MOA. It is a favorite place of difficult child. We usually park at the Underwater World enterance and go through that exhibit before shopping for the day. Our admit to Underwater World lets us go in and out of it all day so we can go through it again on the way out.

    The plan for that day was sister in law would take difficult child to all the fun kids stores and I would take easy child to find a homecoming dress. difficult child would not leave my side. I think sister in law was very disappointed (again she did not realize that something serious was going on). So difficult child and I went to stores of his choice and sister in law took easy child shopping (I would go pay for whatever she found later.)

    difficult child was just not doing well and could not handle the noise and lights of the crowds and stores. So, I planned on meeting sister in law and easy child at the 3rd floor in the quietest part of the Mall to try to calm difficult child down. While we were waiting, difficult child lost it. "Mom, get me down from here. Get me out of this building." He was so scared and so we rushed downstairs and went outside where he threw up. "Mom, I am so scared. My body told me to jump from the balcony but I don't want to."

    So, now he is so much stronger and at a better place. He is excited to go to Lego Land again. He has a lego magazine out trying to figure out what to spend birthday money on. But he is also nervous about revisiting a place with scary memories.

    I told him that he is stronger now and he can face the MOA. I said he was sick already before he went last October but has gotten better and learned coping skills. He thought a minute and came over to me and said, "I am stronger. I can go there again."

    I don't know if MOA is on the agenda (sister in law sets up the weekend as our hostess) but I think if it is not, I may want to request it. I think it is time for him to face this memory to know how far he has come. I will wait to see how well he handles the Mall before deciding to visit the 3rd floor balcony. I think he is ready for it but will not bring it up if he gets nervous about the rest of the mall.
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Good luck with the trip. I think you're right, if he's to face his fears, now's a goiod time.
  3. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Poor little guy. He sounds like he is ready and willing to try again. I say it's worth a shot. I also think you should really explain to your sister in law that this is a big deal for him. I don't think she was being mean about the situation, I just get the feeling she doesn't fully understand your little man's issues. Like you said, if he does well he will be so impressed and proud of himself. He has already recognized his strength, he wants to go, I say go for it and have a great time!!!

    Can I come??? :) I have seen the MOA on the travel channel, it looks amazing.

    Good luck to you and your brave little man. :)
  4. Poor thing. I hope this weekend goes well for you. I agree with you that he needs to face going to MOA so that he can see that yes he is stronger. I wish you guys well.

  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Andy! Could I suggest that you and difficult child plan with sister in law to let the two of you wander off on your own? The less people he feels are watching, the easier it may go. Also, try practicing some self talk with him so he can mentally back away from any stress that starts up.

    Also, have him tell you if he needs to leave. He may test you a few times, so make sure if he asks, you leave. No disagreement. Just leave. It will help him a lot!

    Good luck!

  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I will be saying a prayer all goes well this weekend.
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Andy, I am with the others in saying a prayer that you and difficult child have a great weekend.
    I think Beth's advice is great, that you and difficult child have some time to just wander off the 2 of you with no pressure and not such a big audience.
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh Andy, my heart is in pieces over what happened last year! The poor thing.

    You are SUCH a good, attentive mom, and I think that goes miles and miles in helping him overcome his obstacles.

    I took my older daughter, who is now 20, to MOA back when she was about 5 (her preschool friend had moved to Hudson, WI, and we went up for a visit) and we had an absolute blast there. What a neat place. I have pictures of the girls at Legoland! Legos are just timeless. I will be thinking of you guys this weekend, and I pray that he has the time of his life.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Maybe if you went to MOA, but it wasn't an all day trip? In and out quick as a wink? It's easier to face your demons and get it over with than it is to face your demons and sit down to lunch with them... ;)