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mental illness = weakness?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 412196" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Jena - I don't think this is a terribly uncommon attitude, unfortunately. My father felt this way when I was growing up - when my mom took me to a counselor at age 13 for depression, Dad refused to participate. To him, mental illness is a character flaw, a sign of weakness and a lack of self-discipline. Hindsight being 20/20, there's absolutely no doubt in my mind which branch of my family tree the mood disorders came from - I feel a bit sad for my dad, because I think he really struggled during his 30s and 40s. He was a great father, excellent provider, and as good as a husband as my mom was a wife (they divorced when I was 20-something - it was an unhappy marriage for as long as I can remember), but I think he suffered from depression for a very long time. And *his* family? Really dysfunctional. From his perspective, he bucked up and did what he was supposed to do. But it didn't have to be as hard as it was if he had been willing to see depression as something other than a character flaw.</p><p></p><p>To his credit, he *never* questioned how husband and I handled thank you. And when I ended up in the hospital about 8-10 years ago for major depression, he was supportive. But... I know his mindset, and it is what it is. </p><p></p><p>My mom? Well... I'm not sure I've ever done anything right in her eyes - sure as heck, I haven't raised my kids "right". As Diva would say.... WhatEVerrrrrrr.</p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion, don't engage with- your mom. Don't share the details of your life in terms of dealing with- easy child and difficult child. You are not going to get support from her, and it's simply not worth the effort to try to change her mind. She raised you as best she could - now it's your turn to do the same with- your kids. I don't think it's even worth getting angry at her - it's just her opinion. The best thing you can do is just steer conversations away from things you know she's going to argue with- you about. </p><p></p><p>In a perfect world, we'd have parents who had our backs, who would support us and prop us up when things get really rough. It's not a perfect world, hon, and sometimes the best thing we can do is just avoid getting into conversations that give our parents the opportunity to tell us how badly we're messing things up. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 412196, member: 8"] Jena - I don't think this is a terribly uncommon attitude, unfortunately. My father felt this way when I was growing up - when my mom took me to a counselor at age 13 for depression, Dad refused to participate. To him, mental illness is a character flaw, a sign of weakness and a lack of self-discipline. Hindsight being 20/20, there's absolutely no doubt in my mind which branch of my family tree the mood disorders came from - I feel a bit sad for my dad, because I think he really struggled during his 30s and 40s. He was a great father, excellent provider, and as good as a husband as my mom was a wife (they divorced when I was 20-something - it was an unhappy marriage for as long as I can remember), but I think he suffered from depression for a very long time. And *his* family? Really dysfunctional. From his perspective, he bucked up and did what he was supposed to do. But it didn't have to be as hard as it was if he had been willing to see depression as something other than a character flaw. To his credit, he *never* questioned how husband and I handled thank you. And when I ended up in the hospital about 8-10 years ago for major depression, he was supportive. But... I know his mindset, and it is what it is. My mom? Well... I'm not sure I've ever done anything right in her eyes - sure as heck, I haven't raised my kids "right". As Diva would say.... WhatEVerrrrrrr. in my humble opinion, don't engage with- your mom. Don't share the details of your life in terms of dealing with- easy child and difficult child. You are not going to get support from her, and it's simply not worth the effort to try to change her mind. She raised you as best she could - now it's your turn to do the same with- your kids. I don't think it's even worth getting angry at her - it's just her opinion. The best thing you can do is just steer conversations away from things you know she's going to argue with- you about. In a perfect world, we'd have parents who had our backs, who would support us and prop us up when things get really rough. It's not a perfect world, hon, and sometimes the best thing we can do is just avoid getting into conversations that give our parents the opportunity to tell us how badly we're messing things up. :winking: [/QUOTE]
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