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Meowbunny - Ditto
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<blockquote data-quote="C.J." data-source="post: 231508" data-attributes="member: 1987"><p>N* grew up without a father. Her mother, my sister - who is also a difficult child, was attracted to scum - and the scummier - the better. I think she loved the look on our faces when she'd bring a scumbag home. </p><p></p><p>N*'s father was no different. He had three older children - whose mother was smart enough to get out after baby #3 and move to a different state, and raised them with child support that his mother sent on his behalf. In fact, he moved back in with mommy after his divorce, and never left. He sometimes worked at his family's business, but mostly sponged off mommy, who continued to support him until he died two years ago at 51. Lung cancer, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), emphysema, and cirrhosis of the liver. Basically, he drugged, drank, and smoked himself to death. He saw N* three or four times before N* came to live with me at 7. I refused to allow him near her - no child support (his mommy didn't like my sister), drunk or stoned most of the time, and his last girlfriend was found dead, naked in a city park with 21 stab wounds. He was a suspect, but nothing came of it. Murder remains unsolved.</p><p></p><p>I never got married - no time, working, caring for my sister's children (her older son - different father - the boy went to live with him when N* came to live with me after the last baby died) So - no father in my home, either. What I did not do, however, was introduce her to a long string of revolving door boyfriends that her mother did, so I chose not to date while N* was with me.</p><p></p><p>That doesn't mean we didn't talk about boys, men, etc. We discussed that we both knew we suffered without having an everyday dad who loved and cared for us while growing up.(My mom married a loser too, and didn't wise up until there were 5 of us.) I told her though that while she had a rough start, it didn't mean she couldn't have a bright future. She'd have to work harder than the next person perhaps, yet it could be done. I've worked my backside off - sometimes at three jobs to pay the bills, and keep a roof over my head, food in my house, and finally having a reliable car. </p><p></p><p>I began early with sex education, put her on birth control at 16 (after the first pregnancy scare), and told her that if she became pregnant before she was in a commited lifelong relationship, and kept the baby, she could then never again complain to me about what her mother did to her children. I do not have other children "of my own" - (I hate that phrase), and while I raised her without a father, I rescued her from a nightmare. She has a wonderful grandfather - my mother remarried - and finally got it right. She has an older brother, uncles, neighbors, teachers, youth ministers who have poured countless hours into her. Her mother was on welfare - which N* hated. She was one of a few kids in her school on the free lunch program. If she keeps the baby, she will be on welfare.</p><p></p><p>That's why I identify so much with the rage Meowbunny feels. I took this child out of bad environment, role modeled to her what was possible - with HARD WORK, and in turn, have had her say to me - the heck with you lady! (I had to clean up the real language for the moderators). </p><p></p><p>If she keeps the baby, will she live with me? No. Will I occasionally babysit? Yes - when it is convenient for me. Will I occasionally help with an expense? Yes - after she submits a written budget to me showing me where the money she receives goes. I work for a bank. Lenders get to look at this stuff. Will I continue to love her and the baby? Yes. Do I want her to seriously consider an open adoption? With all my heart, yes. She's spoken with a social worker and some people from the crisis pregnancy center about adoption information. Will I be there when the baby is born? Yes, as long as every PSD is nowhere near the hospital. If one arrives, I will leave and await the news elsewhere. Am I tired of all the drama and chaos, and want a little peace and quiet? You betcha!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="C.J., post: 231508, member: 1987"] N* grew up without a father. Her mother, my sister - who is also a difficult child, was attracted to scum - and the scummier - the better. I think she loved the look on our faces when she'd bring a scumbag home. N*'s father was no different. He had three older children - whose mother was smart enough to get out after baby #3 and move to a different state, and raised them with child support that his mother sent on his behalf. In fact, he moved back in with mommy after his divorce, and never left. He sometimes worked at his family's business, but mostly sponged off mommy, who continued to support him until he died two years ago at 51. Lung cancer, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), emphysema, and cirrhosis of the liver. Basically, he drugged, drank, and smoked himself to death. He saw N* three or four times before N* came to live with me at 7. I refused to allow him near her - no child support (his mommy didn't like my sister), drunk or stoned most of the time, and his last girlfriend was found dead, naked in a city park with 21 stab wounds. He was a suspect, but nothing came of it. Murder remains unsolved. I never got married - no time, working, caring for my sister's children (her older son - different father - the boy went to live with him when N* came to live with me after the last baby died) So - no father in my home, either. What I did not do, however, was introduce her to a long string of revolving door boyfriends that her mother did, so I chose not to date while N* was with me. That doesn't mean we didn't talk about boys, men, etc. We discussed that we both knew we suffered without having an everyday dad who loved and cared for us while growing up.(My mom married a loser too, and didn't wise up until there were 5 of us.) I told her though that while she had a rough start, it didn't mean she couldn't have a bright future. She'd have to work harder than the next person perhaps, yet it could be done. I've worked my backside off - sometimes at three jobs to pay the bills, and keep a roof over my head, food in my house, and finally having a reliable car. I began early with sex education, put her on birth control at 16 (after the first pregnancy scare), and told her that if she became pregnant before she was in a commited lifelong relationship, and kept the baby, she could then never again complain to me about what her mother did to her children. I do not have other children "of my own" - (I hate that phrase), and while I raised her without a father, I rescued her from a nightmare. She has a wonderful grandfather - my mother remarried - and finally got it right. She has an older brother, uncles, neighbors, teachers, youth ministers who have poured countless hours into her. Her mother was on welfare - which N* hated. She was one of a few kids in her school on the free lunch program. If she keeps the baby, she will be on welfare. That's why I identify so much with the rage Meowbunny feels. I took this child out of bad environment, role modeled to her what was possible - with HARD WORK, and in turn, have had her say to me - the heck with you lady! (I had to clean up the real language for the moderators). If she keeps the baby, will she live with me? No. Will I occasionally babysit? Yes - when it is convenient for me. Will I occasionally help with an expense? Yes - after she submits a written budget to me showing me where the money she receives goes. I work for a bank. Lenders get to look at this stuff. Will I continue to love her and the baby? Yes. Do I want her to seriously consider an open adoption? With all my heart, yes. She's spoken with a social worker and some people from the crisis pregnancy center about adoption information. Will I be there when the baby is born? Yes, as long as every PSD is nowhere near the hospital. If one arrives, I will leave and await the news elsewhere. Am I tired of all the drama and chaos, and want a little peace and quiet? You betcha! [/QUOTE]
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