Merry Christmas to everyone, and a tip for surviving the Holidays

[Nomad]

What a wonderful update and wonderful advice as well.

I too am grateful for warm/good advice received here.

Detachment insight has always been particularly powerful.

The holidays can be rough for everyone, but how much harder for families who have lost a loved one or who are going through diffiulties, esp. ongoing difficulties...as is often the case in our families.

For us, each year is different...yet the same. Our difficult child always has problems at Christmas. Always. 100% of the time. This year, we are not with her. I am wondering, what this means. Hmmmm. She actually seems happier. Sigh.

And, I have "other" baggage too...the early death of my mother for example that sometimes comes to mind.

This year, I am visiting our newly married son. difficult child was to come with us, but changed her mind last second.

I see the new bride has her own "stuff" to deal with. Different though. More "logistics," not drama trauma.

Nevertheless....its good to have a plan. A way to cope. A way to calm ourselves when the stimulus comes....

For me...husband and I have learned to go to a Christmas movie on the "big" day.

For some reason....we usually find this to be fun. Sometimes we take family, sometimes not. But its a very pleasant/fun distraction. I also sometimes call good friends and/or send emails to folks that are special to me.

 

[ML]

Thank you Barbara. Your words are so encouraging. I hope you come around more often to help the rest of us achieve this brand of serenity. Great wishes for continued peace in 2010.

 

[standswithcourage]

Barbara - You have always sounded a lot like I think! I feel like I can relate to you. Thanks for your encouragement during the holidays. Yes, sometimes I feel like I am hanging on but I believe i have come a long way.......This Too Shall Pass....seems to be my motto these days and maybe finding a quiet place to read my meditations each day whether it is outside on my porch or somewhere relaxing.......tea is a great idea! God bless you and yours

 

[ScentofCedar]

Thanks, guys. I remember when we were living through the worst of it. The question in my secret heart then was whether I would ever come out the other side. It was such a comfort to me when one of the more experienced parents would touch base with us. I am glad to be one of those role models of survival for those of us still going through it. The things the more experienced parents are telling us are true. We cannot control a single thing our children are doing. The only things we can control are our responses to the terrible situations the kids put themselves into. It's a different kind of parenting than what we might have known, but it is the only way we can survive drug addicted or manipulative-for-any-reason children, I think. The links Suz has listed at the bottoms of her posts are excellent, and will help us learn to cope with the situations our children are in in a healthier way ~ both for them, and for us.


************


Speaking of which...you guys are not going to believe this one! So, I decided to come back and go through that detachment site at the end of Suz' posts. (When I first took a mini-gander at it, I was really impressed with the information there.)

Ahem.

So, I am reading through this material, and I realize THIS IS THE SAME SITE I HAVE LISTED AT THE ENDS OF MY POSTS.

Too funny!



Good information, though. I just couldn't believe that I hadn't recognized it! With as much time as I used to spend on the detachment site, you would think every word would have been burned into my memory forever!

HA!

Barbara