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Parent Emeritus
Merry Christmas to everyone, and a tip for surviving the Holidays
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 326510" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>Recovering Doormat, knitting and scented candles sound wonderful ~really, wonderful. When I was going through the worst of this though, I was so into punishing myself for what I perceived to be my failure as a mother that I literally could not allow myself to consciously choose "me" time. (Not that I understood it then as clearly as I do now, looking back.) There was something about that cup having been my grandmother's ~ maybe that I knew she would love me, or at least, understand that I wished things were so much better ~ that as guilty as I felt at the way things were turning out, my intentions had been good ones?</p><p></p><p>I don't know.</p><p></p><p>But I could use that cup, and drink that tea, and take comfort there, and find respite.</p><p></p><p>Sounds corny, I know. But I was hanging on by a thread, back then.</p><p> </p><p>I felt so guilty.</p><p></p><p>For the longest time (until the parents on this site convinced me to see things differently) I</p><p>refused to accept that our son's behaviors were connected to his drug use. I was a mom at home, and when everything fell apart, I blamed myself. Choosing to believe our child was using drugs because of something we had done wrong was the worst thing we could have done ~ both for him, and for us. </p><p></p><p>Like everyone here on the site, we needed to learn that parenting a drug-addicted child requires the evolution of an entirely different set of parenting skills.</p><p></p><p>Man, that was tough. </p><p></p><p>I don't know that I would ever have realized that, or recovered my "self" without the other parents on this site.</p><p></p><p>You are in a good, safe, place, recovering.</p><p></p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>J brain, you are exactly right. For a parent, the hardest thing is to do nothing to help. Learning how to respond to our son in a healthier way was almost impossible for me. (Remember, everyone, when Suz would run those little "tutorials" for me, so I could practice what I would say to our son, the next time he called!?!)</p><p></p><p>Thank you, Suz.</p><p></p><p>You changed two lives with those tutorials.</p><p></p><p>And do you know that to this day, my son hates to hear, "Oh, I'm sorry that happened to you. What are you going to do?</p><p></p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I don't think our son would have been able to stop using, had we continued to enable him. (Though we didn't see it that way at the time.)</p><p></p><p>Even today, we need to remind ourselves to let him pull himself up on his own.</p><p></p><p>And so far, he is.</p><p></p><p>Trinity, Witz, Esther <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />, Fran and Suz, thank you. </p><p></p><p>It IS wonderful to "see" everyone again.</p><p></p><p>We have been through alot together.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 326510, member: 3353"] Recovering Doormat, knitting and scented candles sound wonderful ~really, wonderful. When I was going through the worst of this though, I was so into punishing myself for what I perceived to be my failure as a mother that I literally could not allow myself to consciously choose "me" time. (Not that I understood it then as clearly as I do now, looking back.) There was something about that cup having been my grandmother's ~ maybe that I knew she would love me, or at least, understand that I wished things were so much better ~ that as guilty as I felt at the way things were turning out, my intentions had been good ones? I don't know. But I could use that cup, and drink that tea, and take comfort there, and find respite. Sounds corny, I know. But I was hanging on by a thread, back then. I felt so guilty. For the longest time (until the parents on this site convinced me to see things differently) I refused to accept that our son's behaviors were connected to his drug use. I was a mom at home, and when everything fell apart, I blamed myself. Choosing to believe our child was using drugs because of something we had done wrong was the worst thing we could have done ~ both for him, and for us. Like everyone here on the site, we needed to learn that parenting a drug-addicted child requires the evolution of an entirely different set of parenting skills. Man, that was tough. I don't know that I would ever have realized that, or recovered my "self" without the other parents on this site. You are in a good, safe, place, recovering. :) J brain, you are exactly right. For a parent, the hardest thing is to do nothing to help. Learning how to respond to our son in a healthier way was almost impossible for me. (Remember, everyone, when Suz would run those little "tutorials" for me, so I could practice what I would say to our son, the next time he called!?!) Thank you, Suz. You changed two lives with those tutorials. And do you know that to this day, my son hates to hear, "Oh, I'm sorry that happened to you. What are you going to do? :) I don't think our son would have been able to stop using, had we continued to enable him. (Though we didn't see it that way at the time.) Even today, we need to remind ourselves to let him pull himself up on his own. And so far, he is. Trinity, Witz, Esther :), Fran and Suz, thank you. It IS wonderful to "see" everyone again. We have been through alot together. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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Merry Christmas to everyone, and a tip for surviving the Holidays
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