Messed up Easter.

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
You know, Tony sounds a lot like my H when he's just stretched too thin, when he's got a lot on his mind, when he's working hard long days and feels like he's spinning his wheels, when he feel responsible for more than his fair share.

Could this be the way that Tony is feeling? Can the garbage be Billys job? It would mean one less thing for both of you to think about? Can a pen of some sort be built to store it so the animals don't get into it and once a week Billy burns it? Just an idea.

I hate when my H is stressed to the max, it puts me on edge because whenever he speaks it sounds like he's either picking on me or yelling at someone. It brings up PTSD from when I was growing up, there was a lot of yelling, and I get nervous.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
I can't tell you what it is...........except what you just described was my husband to a T. Not so much in his younger days, actually.......it was a rare event in his younger days and that was when like Jo said, he was over stressed. But as he grew older, it got worse and more frequent. By the last several years.......and menopause hit ME, I wasn't taking it or listening to it and I threw it back at him. Now much of the time I could do it either with humor or in a civil manner. But c'mon, it gets old. So, there were times I threw it back way worse than I got, and it hurt his feelings. So I tried to explain this is how everyone else felt when he acted like the darn grump bear no one could please. And he'd do better for a while, then it would start again.

Poor Travis got the worst of it, even when he didn't know about it. (because a LOT of times I refused to let husband go there) Travis should be doing this or that or this or if he did do something husband wanted done it wasn't done right or fast enough or whatever. Now for one, much of the things he was asking Travis to do the boy had no business doing due to his vision. husband knew that but somehow would forget, until I'd point it out and put MY foot down he wasn't cutting off an arm or foot or whatever to please husband. Many of the other things? Travis had pretty much stopped doing because most of the time husband was supposed to be helping and instead he'd stand around and criticize and do nothing. He'd only do things if I asked him to. Which of course made husband even madder. ugh

Now, the last 2 yrs husband wasn't even working.......and I swear it got even worse.

But looking back and knowing what I now know for certain about husband's health during that time, I'm thinking that was the cause for the grump from hades behavior. husband was a hypochondriac to be certain, but on the rare occasion there happened to be something truly wrong with him it scared him silly. And when husband was scared, he lashed out at EVERYONE. And those last months.....and omg the 10 days after he got home from the hospital were pure hades on earth for anyone around him. One minute he was fine, the next he was off on a rant, then he was fine again. If I called him on it, which I did cuz I was sick of listening to it.....he'd stare at me like I had lost MY mind. Lack of proper O2 saturation, decreased blood flow to the brain (coronary artery disease) and renal failure can really mess up rational thinking depending on the severity which can vary from day to day. (and no, I had no idea of the renal failure until he was in the hospital for the heart attack)

I wish like heck Tony had good insurance and would go get a complete check up, and I do mean complete.

In the meantime, give each other time to get used to life without Buck there 24/7 and settle into somewhat of a routine and see if that helps. If not, the talk may be in order. But I would be wanting to know the why behind his behavior recently........as that might cause you to look at it differently. It doesn't change that he has behaved badly, but it might explain it to where you might be able to understand.

And after living with my husband, I know all too well hard utterly hard it can be to look past the behavior and try to determine if there is a cause.


((hugs))
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Oh dont get me wrong, I do know he has some reasons to be upset. He does work hard and long hours. I do know he is worried about being in pain now and I am sure that he is scared to death that his body is failing him. He gets mad at me because I have medicaid and medicare so I can go to the doctors. That is irrational. I have found a clinic for him to go to but it would mean him taking off from work and he refuses to do so. That frustrates me to no end. He comes home from work hardly able to walk because he has what I believe are heel spurs but he wont tell his boss about them so he can go to workmen's comp about them. They have workmen's comp just for such things but damned if he will use it. He thinks he can just go to a podiatrist and they will give him a pill to take care of it. HA!
 
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