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met him for lunch
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 738254" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Wish. The very sad fact is that it would take years and years of therapy, likely, for nephew to gain the acceptance of what his real needs were (and are), the betrayals by both parents, and the reality of how he was treated.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately. What we do as children is just what nephew is doing. We side with them. We blame ourselves for their neglect and hurtfulness to us. We must be very, very bad little boys and girls for them to punish us so severely, to neglect us as they do. We side with them, against our own interests. Because it would be too, too scary, impossibly terrifying for your nephew to really see the reality of his life and how utterly alone and unprotected he is. Better to feel order in his world, by shouldering the blame and responsibility. That they are that way because he is undeserving of better.</p><p></p><p>And the worst thing is he believes this about himself. This will define how he meets the world as a young man. Either with a chip on his shoulder, or a victim. Or both. If he is anything like me, it will take time and work (like a lifetime) to get an understanding and acceptance of his true story. That is the real damage. The cover stories he will tell himself. And how he will live them in the world.</p><p></p><p>His is a very sad story. I am sorry. I hope I am wrong.</p><p></p><p>by the way. I think you did the absolute right thing to speak the truth and to separate yourself from the parents. That in itself demonstrates to the kids an alternate road. Soon the children will be old enough to seek you out independently from their parents.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 738254, member: 18958"] Wish. The very sad fact is that it would take years and years of therapy, likely, for nephew to gain the acceptance of what his real needs were (and are), the betrayals by both parents, and the reality of how he was treated. Unfortunately. What we do as children is just what nephew is doing. We side with them. We blame ourselves for their neglect and hurtfulness to us. We must be very, very bad little boys and girls for them to punish us so severely, to neglect us as they do. We side with them, against our own interests. Because it would be too, too scary, impossibly terrifying for your nephew to really see the reality of his life and how utterly alone and unprotected he is. Better to feel order in his world, by shouldering the blame and responsibility. That they are that way because he is undeserving of better. And the worst thing is he believes this about himself. This will define how he meets the world as a young man. Either with a chip on his shoulder, or a victim. Or both. If he is anything like me, it will take time and work (like a lifetime) to get an understanding and acceptance of his true story. That is the real damage. The cover stories he will tell himself. And how he will live them in the world. His is a very sad story. I am sorry. I hope I am wrong. by the way. I think you did the absolute right thing to speak the truth and to separate yourself from the parents. That in itself demonstrates to the kids an alternate road. Soon the children will be old enough to seek you out independently from their parents. [/QUOTE]
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