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met him for lunch
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 738255" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>The thing is this: most of us that come here are terrorized and heartbroken to the extent that we have abandoned ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I will get back to this later but here's a start:</p><p></p><p>I think we each of us had an implicit idea of how our kids life trajectory would work. (Right or wrong, this is the case.)</p><p></p><p>It did not work out that way.</p><p></p><p>We try and try and try. We talk. We push. We pull. We demand.</p><p></p><p>Nothing helps.</p><p></p><p>We may get mad.</p><p></p><p>They blame us.</p><p></p><p>Nothing helps.</p><p></p><p>We crash and burn.</p><p></p><p>They blame us.</p><p></p><p>We blame ourselves.</p><p></p><p>They use us.</p><p></p><p>They manipulate us.</p><p></p><p>They frighten us.</p><p></p><p>We set limits. Poorly, at first.</p><p></p><p>They push. They gaslight us. They disrespect us.</p><p></p><p>____</p><p></p><p>By the time we finally have some space to really begin to look at what happened, how we contributed to the cycle, how they were affected by our parenting, our personalities, the legacy of our own life as a child, our parents, our failings and failures, omissions and commissions, WE ARE COMPLETE AND UTTER WRECKS. And we even see them as perpetrators. At the very least, if they are out of our house, or have made distance, we are relieved.</p><p></p><p>There is no room for dialog. No possibility of conversation.</p><p></p><p>Because by the time the container ship begins its turn, there is no turning back.</p><p></p><p>____</p><p></p><p>It is utterly tragic. Because there is no terrain on which to repair. It is like All Quiet On the Western Front. A no man's land. Just wreckage. And bodies. And smoke. And burnt trees. And dead. Animals. People. Nothing. Nobody is left. Just devastation.</p><p></p><p>There is willingness...but no means. I was going to say it this way: It is not that there is no willingness to repair....but I was on my way to a double negative and I did not want to end up on CNN.</p><p></p><p>I know I made mistakes. I know that some other mother could have done this better. I would do anything in the world to work with my child to have reconciliation, reparation. But I cannot.</p><p></p><p>Him. Me. Both of us for so long could not "work" together. Not for lack of love. Or wanting. Just because that was how it was.</p><p></p><p>I am saying that I do not know how to do, what I believe I owe my child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 738255, member: 18958"] Yes. The thing is this: most of us that come here are terrorized and heartbroken to the extent that we have abandoned ourselves. I will get back to this later but here's a start: I think we each of us had an implicit idea of how our kids life trajectory would work. (Right or wrong, this is the case.) It did not work out that way. We try and try and try. We talk. We push. We pull. We demand. Nothing helps. We may get mad. They blame us. Nothing helps. We crash and burn. They blame us. We blame ourselves. They use us. They manipulate us. They frighten us. We set limits. Poorly, at first. They push. They gaslight us. They disrespect us. ____ By the time we finally have some space to really begin to look at what happened, how we contributed to the cycle, how they were affected by our parenting, our personalities, the legacy of our own life as a child, our parents, our failings and failures, omissions and commissions, WE ARE COMPLETE AND UTTER WRECKS. And we even see them as perpetrators. At the very least, if they are out of our house, or have made distance, we are relieved. There is no room for dialog. No possibility of conversation. Because by the time the container ship begins its turn, there is no turning back. ____ It is utterly tragic. Because there is no terrain on which to repair. It is like All Quiet On the Western Front. A no man's land. Just wreckage. And bodies. And smoke. And burnt trees. And dead. Animals. People. Nothing. Nobody is left. Just devastation. There is willingness...but no means. I was going to say it this way: It is not that there is no willingness to repair....but I was on my way to a double negative and I did not want to end up on CNN. I know I made mistakes. I know that some other mother could have done this better. I would do anything in the world to work with my child to have reconciliation, reparation. But I cannot. Him. Me. Both of us for so long could not "work" together. Not for lack of love. Or wanting. Just because that was how it was. I am saying that I do not know how to do, what I believe I owe my child. [/QUOTE]
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