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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 250835" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>Wow, I'm sorry things have not really changed with him. Things seemed so promising when he came to visit you a few months ago. I guess in a way it allows you to truly close the door on any expectation you had of a "different" relationship with him. For the girls' sake and your own sanity, it's best to detach and accept that he will likely never change. Be happy that you did have a few days of "normalcy" (whatever that is) and stability with him when he was visiting you. You can perhaps tuck that away to remember another time. I think any of us with mentally ill parents always want to hold out for the hope that they will one day change. And I think eventually we are able to recognize the truth about them and hopefully let go of that "dream" in a healthy way so we can move on. I know I've done (or been trying to do) that with my own dad. My mom's good for helping remember and reaffirm that dad's crazy, always has been, and at this stage in his life, always will be.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry your dad hurt and disappointed you again.</p><p> </p><p>You are so lucky to have a husband who understands and loves you and his kids so much. You didn't marry your dad, and that's a huge thing to remember -- you are not repeating the cycle you were born into because you are taking decisive steps to ensure your kids don't end up like your dad. And you will never have to worry about losing your daughters like your dad has lost you. That's the one bright spot I remind myself of whenever I feel bad about my childhood and the crud I went through with my dad. I'm not repeating history and my kids will have a MUCH better relationship with me than I had with my dad. </p><p> </p><p>Many, many hugs, Toto. I'm glad you're back!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 250835, member: 3444"] Wow, I'm sorry things have not really changed with him. Things seemed so promising when he came to visit you a few months ago. I guess in a way it allows you to truly close the door on any expectation you had of a "different" relationship with him. For the girls' sake and your own sanity, it's best to detach and accept that he will likely never change. Be happy that you did have a few days of "normalcy" (whatever that is) and stability with him when he was visiting you. You can perhaps tuck that away to remember another time. I think any of us with mentally ill parents always want to hold out for the hope that they will one day change. And I think eventually we are able to recognize the truth about them and hopefully let go of that "dream" in a healthy way so we can move on. I know I've done (or been trying to do) that with my own dad. My mom's good for helping remember and reaffirm that dad's crazy, always has been, and at this stage in his life, always will be. I'm sorry your dad hurt and disappointed you again. You are so lucky to have a husband who understands and loves you and his kids so much. You didn't marry your dad, and that's a huge thing to remember -- you are not repeating the cycle you were born into because you are taking decisive steps to ensure your kids don't end up like your dad. And you will never have to worry about losing your daughters like your dad has lost you. That's the one bright spot I remind myself of whenever I feel bad about my childhood and the crud I went through with my dad. I'm not repeating history and my kids will have a MUCH better relationship with me than I had with my dad. Many, many hugs, Toto. I'm glad you're back! [/QUOTE]
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