Loco sister and I had a meeting at the nursing home today. When I texted her about the appointment last week, she never responded and I didn't think twice about it because I knew she received the text. So she shows up today and as per usual, she has those facial expressions and makes these comments that come across as condescending and it just DRIVES ME NUTS. The lead social worker begins the meeting by addressing my mom (first time she's attended a meeting on her behalf with us) and asking her if there is anything she'd like to comment on, such as if she's happy, likes the food, staff, etc. Mom responds that she is fine (mom can sniff a person with a psychology background a mile away!). Then she turns to loco sister and asks her if she'd like to comment on anything and loco sister says, snidely, "I think you should start with H&R" and all eyes are on me. I like the home where my mom is, I go frequently and I know the staff very well. I bring my mom lunch and dinner frequently, I give her beauty days and always if there are other ladies around I will include them as well. I have a soft spot for a couple of the little ladies there, but I don't like to invade their personal space and get too touchy feely with them. Anyway, the only thing about the home is that I want my mom to have a window bed. She has to have a roommate and hers is a GIANT pill, S. S has the window bed. Mentally she's all there, physically not at all. She's in chronic pain and as a chronic pain sufferer I get that she has bad days. She is nice and I always chit chat with her when I'm there, but I'm visiting my mom. I have nothing against S personally, but she's sometimes mean about the shows my mom watches. S watches cartoons, news and sports all the time. Mom watches the old movies and talk shows. you can just imagine the clash of tv sounds going on, especially since S is hearing impaired and has speakers above her bed blasting. Thankfully, my has her tv set for closed captions and doesn't mind reading the lines, ugh. My beef with S is that she keeps the blinds in the room closed, and the curtain between my mom's bed and S's bed drawn as well, so my mom almost never gets any natural light!! It's often very dark and dingy when I arrive and I have to turn on lights or ask S if I can pull up the blinds to let some light into the room. Mom ALWAYS asks me, "What kind of day is it out?" which just burns me up. My mom has always been a sun worshipper and loved being outdoors. She loves open windows, sunshine and fresh air. Every summer, she would remove the windows and leave up only the screens - constant fresh air. She used to come home on her lunch hour to jump in the pool and lay on a lounge chair for a measly 20 minutes every weekday. She is often depressed and down and I think a room change or bed change would do her good. I have requested a window bed for my mom since she's arrived at this home (Nov 2010) and every time this comes up at the care meeting (like the one we attended today) my sister does not back me up. She either says, "Jo has a problem with her room, but I think she's fine" as if I am just being a complainer. Three times I have asked and the last two times my sister has made a comment like that. Today, her way of saying that was by giving me the floor at the start of the meeting. I went with it and directed my comments about the room to the woman I spoke with while also adding in there that I wouldn't want to change floors as we love the staff where mom resides now. Grrr. Then loco sister finally makes her comments and goes on about how she loves visiting mom and S and how S is so cool because she watches sports (sister likes sports) and then said a comment that really drove me nuts: "Well, Jo brings my mom healthy snacks, but I bring her entire meals. And when we, my husband and daughters visit, we actually spend a lot of time with mom, playing games and making sure she's sharpening her skills, etc".... Hmmmmmmmmm, guess what?? I bring mom meals ALL THE TIME. Usually twice a week and always homemade, something I know she can have, (but I don't have to brag about it - the staff sees me doing this all the time). Sister brings her soup from Panera (loaded with fat and salt!). And we also spend lots of time with her playing games, watching shows or giving her beauty treatments. I felt like she was going out of her way to one up me and I have to say, I was very offended by that. I didn't realize we were in a contest. I always just thought there were things she felt were important and things I felt were important. I didn't realize that she was trying to outdo me. That's not me, I don't do that. When I talk about the ways in which we care for our mom, I always say "WE" not I or ME. We are a family, caring for OUR mom. I just wanted to run out of there. At the end of the meeting, the SW asked my mom directly if she would like a bed with a window and, thankfully, mom was clear and said, "That would be very nice, oh yes, I would enjoy that a lot" - so it's crystal clear at least that my mom wants a bed with a damned window and maybe now loco sister won't try to undermine me in that regard. Jeez, I hate this and just needed to get it off my chest. As I was pulling away I had a fleeting thought that after my mom dies I won't have to ever see my sister unless absolutely necessary. How horrible is that?? And just a reminder, this is the sister whose H I work for and we live in the same town. Just kill me. Just wanted to add that I don't even know if she means it, it might just be her way. But it's hard to believe that when you're in the room with her.