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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 259625" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Thanks, DDD- I do realize that people are trying to be supportive. It's hard over the net to see expressions and so forth, which does hamper communication at times. </p><p></p><p>They gave him one phone call- he said they are getting ready to shave his head. He's under the impression that they keep it shaved the whole time he's in. I don't know- he's in a "processing" place now and they keep the kids there from 30-45 days. (For some reason, that is standard policy no matter how long the kid is going to be in state Department of Juvenile Justice.) It might be that they just keep the head shaved while they are in this place- it doesn't matter- I told him his hair will grow back and it's ok. (He wasn't wwashing it anyway since other boys could see him in the shower, he'd been keeping one hand with his wash cloth covering his personal area and said he couldn't get to shampoo to wash his hair.)</p><p></p><p>One of the administrators of this place and principal of the school (same person- held 2 positions) was just busted for having a sexual "relationship" with an inmate- and I've heard that state juvy is like a grown man's prison, if you know what I mean. I told difficult child to defend himself against this, that he did NOT have to go along with ANYONE doing anything to him.</p><p></p><p>on the other hand, in some ways I trust the state system more than the local Department of Juvenile Justice system- lord knows the people in our situation couldn't have dropped the ball any more.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I may call tomorrow to try to get some questions answered, like medication refills and blood draws. Other than that, I have to wait to hear from them. They will, supposedly, review ALL records and do some educational testing- which is good- and then decide his length of stay and which facility he goes to. I've been told that he won't go to the facility that I was most worried about because of his age. He's been told (and my therapist who used to work in processing said also) that it will be one of two- one is for mental illness/Learning Disability (LD)/MR and the other is for the middle school age kids, mostly. Both are relatively nearby so that isn;t a problem.</p><p></p><p>As far as time he'll be in- the max for what he's committed for would be 18 mos but the lady at state Department of Juvenile Justice that I spoke with said he won't get the max because this is his first time being committed. The staff at detention told difficult child he would get 3-6 mos. That sounds a little optimistic to me, but he does REALLY well in structured environments and is entering this processing place with a very good report from detention. Plus- I've been told that they don't like to keep kids with MI in there long. This previous 2 weeks being held awaiting transfer counts and so will the 30-45 days in processing. It is beyond me what they expect to accomplish if he only has a few weeks left after that- but maybe it can be a rude awakening in some cases and be effective as a scare tactic.</p><p></p><p>We'll see in a few weeks, I guess. They will give him a range of time- if he meets their goals quickly, he gets out on the short end. If not, he'll stay the long end of the range. My guess is that they will want him out before school starts in the fall.</p><p></p><p>Also playing into this is the parole officer that will be assigned over the next few weeks. He will be calling me then to tell me what I have to do while difficult child is in there in order for difficult child to live with me when he gets out. So, I have to meet whatever deadline is given difficult child, too.</p><p></p><p>I love him so much. He did need consequences for what he did. I just wish there were consequences available that had a better success rate. The recidivism rate here is pretty bad- especially for a kid getting into the system this young. My son doesn't handle transition back into the real world very well. Even his previous short stints in detention- he goes back to school and thinks all the boys want to hear about this. Then he can't make friends with "good" kids. So the kids who are doing drugs and sneaking out and failing gravitate toward him. He gives in because it's quick and easy "friendship". I try to keep him from hanging out with kids like that, he complains, then others start telling me I'm just being over-protective. We've been through this 2-3 times already. He does so well when he's in a secure environment and away from the real world that it's easy for others to assume that I/home must be the problem. in my humble opinion, it's living ITRW and needing everyone to be on the same page without giving him a way to manipulate so easily that is the big struggle. When he's ITRW and things start to go awry- like no friends at school and poor grades and me grounding him- he gives up and shuts down emotionally and becomes a complete...well....he becomes very difficult to live with. He steals, he's defiant, and then of course, he became violent. He told his therapist that it was hopeless so nothing mattered.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 259625, member: 3699"] Thanks, DDD- I do realize that people are trying to be supportive. It's hard over the net to see expressions and so forth, which does hamper communication at times. They gave him one phone call- he said they are getting ready to shave his head. He's under the impression that they keep it shaved the whole time he's in. I don't know- he's in a "processing" place now and they keep the kids there from 30-45 days. (For some reason, that is standard policy no matter how long the kid is going to be in state Department of Juvenile Justice.) It might be that they just keep the head shaved while they are in this place- it doesn't matter- I told him his hair will grow back and it's ok. (He wasn't wwashing it anyway since other boys could see him in the shower, he'd been keeping one hand with his wash cloth covering his personal area and said he couldn't get to shampoo to wash his hair.) One of the administrators of this place and principal of the school (same person- held 2 positions) was just busted for having a sexual "relationship" with an inmate- and I've heard that state juvy is like a grown man's prison, if you know what I mean. I told difficult child to defend himself against this, that he did NOT have to go along with ANYONE doing anything to him. on the other hand, in some ways I trust the state system more than the local Department of Juvenile Justice system- lord knows the people in our situation couldn't have dropped the ball any more. Anyway, I may call tomorrow to try to get some questions answered, like medication refills and blood draws. Other than that, I have to wait to hear from them. They will, supposedly, review ALL records and do some educational testing- which is good- and then decide his length of stay and which facility he goes to. I've been told that he won't go to the facility that I was most worried about because of his age. He's been told (and my therapist who used to work in processing said also) that it will be one of two- one is for mental illness/Learning Disability (LD)/MR and the other is for the middle school age kids, mostly. Both are relatively nearby so that isn;t a problem. As far as time he'll be in- the max for what he's committed for would be 18 mos but the lady at state Department of Juvenile Justice that I spoke with said he won't get the max because this is his first time being committed. The staff at detention told difficult child he would get 3-6 mos. That sounds a little optimistic to me, but he does REALLY well in structured environments and is entering this processing place with a very good report from detention. Plus- I've been told that they don't like to keep kids with MI in there long. This previous 2 weeks being held awaiting transfer counts and so will the 30-45 days in processing. It is beyond me what they expect to accomplish if he only has a few weeks left after that- but maybe it can be a rude awakening in some cases and be effective as a scare tactic. We'll see in a few weeks, I guess. They will give him a range of time- if he meets their goals quickly, he gets out on the short end. If not, he'll stay the long end of the range. My guess is that they will want him out before school starts in the fall. Also playing into this is the parole officer that will be assigned over the next few weeks. He will be calling me then to tell me what I have to do while difficult child is in there in order for difficult child to live with me when he gets out. So, I have to meet whatever deadline is given difficult child, too. I love him so much. He did need consequences for what he did. I just wish there were consequences available that had a better success rate. The recidivism rate here is pretty bad- especially for a kid getting into the system this young. My son doesn't handle transition back into the real world very well. Even his previous short stints in detention- he goes back to school and thinks all the boys want to hear about this. Then he can't make friends with "good" kids. So the kids who are doing drugs and sneaking out and failing gravitate toward him. He gives in because it's quick and easy "friendship". I try to keep him from hanging out with kids like that, he complains, then others start telling me I'm just being over-protective. We've been through this 2-3 times already. He does so well when he's in a secure environment and away from the real world that it's easy for others to assume that I/home must be the problem. in my humble opinion, it's living ITRW and needing everyone to be on the same page without giving him a way to manipulate so easily that is the big struggle. When he's ITRW and things start to go awry- like no friends at school and poor grades and me grounding him- he gives up and shuts down emotionally and becomes a complete...well....he becomes very difficult to live with. He steals, he's defiant, and then of course, he became violent. He told his therapist that it was hopeless so nothing mattered. [/QUOTE]
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