KT,
This is (sorta) what we had to do with Dude finally. Since I have no relatives, brothers or sisters that would help and no grands close - we had to do Foster Care. And it seems for us to be helping.
Is peaceful home what it is supposed to be like? Yes. Have I had to turn my back on Dude and not call, not interrupt, not be a mom, not interject, not send a card, not call the school, not call him at his house, not call the fosters, not ask about him one iota? Yes. Did it hurt? Yes. Is it easy? Not at all. Does it work?
2 schools of thought on this because to some would argue that Dude is capable of behaving and won't. Others would say he can't. So if it is a matter of HE WON'T...I would never know by coddling him and not toughing out the parental tough love it takes to make him find out if he can fly on his own. If it's a matter of he can't? Then I'm sticking to nothing ventured nothing gained for us both, and will re-group with an alternative young adult plan that will help him adjust to life without us babying him.
I guess the peace is okay - but it's not all it's cracked up to be; because I miss him. On the other hand - when we did try to have him here with tons of outside help in place it just did not work. Personally? I don't know if he's EVER going to be happy. I can say that since he hasn't been here arguing with us - he appears to be happier which is good for us all. No kid really ever wants to seethe ugly and be miserable all the time - not really, it happens, and how you react to it (or don't if they dont' live at home) seems to help them grow up quite a bit.
At least for now - Dude seems to be finally understanding some of the rudimentary lessons that we taught him at home, but he wasn't receptive to under our guidance. Amazing that since there is no one to aruge with about what has to be done in life irregardless - he's buckling down and seems to realize things in a whole new light. Personally as a parent I would have LOVED for him to have "GOTTEN" some of the same things I taught at home, but at this point I really don't care WHO he finally accepts the lessons from - as long as they stick." Apparently I'm flourescent light and the fosters are bright, beaming, blistering, day light.
Sunny Sunny Day! lol.
The tough part of tough love to me is learning as a parent to allow yourself the privledge of saying NO or saying NOTHING and being okay with it. However long it takes.
Hugs
Star
