Miss KT in tears...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KTMom91, Jun 26, 2009.

  1. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    ...because of her father again. It was bad enough when he cashed in the policy that was supposed to pay for her college, giving him about $7,000 and leaving me and Hubby to pay for everything. It was bad enough when he continually "got sick", and couldn't drive an hour to spend time with her, and couldn't even be bothered to return her phone calls.

    Wednesday he told her Thursday afternoon was the only day he could come up, so she needed to skip the camp she's helping at. I hit the ceiling...he doesn't work, he doesn't go to school, he needs to work around her schedule, not the other way around. She called him back, told him no. He came up today instead.

    He promised her a laptop for her graduation present. I reminded her gently not to get too excited, but she did anyway. She thought she was getting it today. Nope. The list of excuses reads: He has to get the money from Grandma first, and he hasn't talked to Grandma yet. The one she likes isn't a good one. That one has a short battery life. It costs too much. A used one would be cheaper. Then he yells at her for not wanting a used one. It's not the money, it's the control...Grandma's got it to burn. The yelling is how he gets out of things...upset the person, then it's THEIR fault for getting so upset that he wasn't able to do ABC for them. She started crying, he brought her home.

    I absolutely hate the way he treats her. He's acted this way towards her ever since we seperated, like he's punishing her for being my daughter. Then she puts him up on this pedestal, and treats Hubby, who's done everything for her since she was 9, like dog poop...I wish I could just punch that idiot for being this way towards my kid. The only bright spot is that she seems (finally) almost ready to stop taking his garbage. Thank goodness.
     
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm so sorry. I know how she feels. I spent my whole life being the adult in the relationship with both my bioparents. It is tough on a young girl to have her father behave that way.
     
  3. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Ms. KT's Dad sounds EXACTLY like my Dad. In fact, if my Dad weren't deceased, I might think we are related. He even resided in Central California.

    If I had a dollar for every broken promise my father made to me, I would be wealthy. I would also have more jewelry and Daughter would have had her laptop. Actually, that was the promise that made me GO OFF. He made a promise to Daughter and she was struggling to understand why he wasn't making good on it. She didn't request it, he offered to purchase one for her.Of course, I was the one that had to explain to her the best way I could. She was so angry with him and very confused. For me, I grew up with it. She did not. Making promises to me is one thing, but to my child? Momma don't play that.

    I can also relate to putting on a pedestal. He was my Dad. I wanted him to love me so much. It wasn't until I was well into my thirties that I clearly understood that he simply wasn't capable of the fatherly love I so desperately wanted. I hope that Ms. KT realizes that long before I did.

    Hugs to you both.
     
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. Neither you or MissKT deserve any of this garbage. Is there someone she can talk to when things like this happen? Jessie and her core group of friends all sort of do therapy for each other. She has a friend who calls when her dad or mom (usually mom) pulls this stuff. Having a friend or therapist to listen can really help.

    Many hugs to all of you.
     
  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Are you sure that you didn't marry my ex? Really sure? This all sounds so very familiar! My ex treated both of our kids exactly the same way!

    My son wrote him off at a very early age and expected nothing out of him, which is exactly what he got! Still, his feelings were hurt over and over again. He was in his early 20's before he finally stopped blaming himself, realized that it had never been his fault, and came to the conclusion that his father is just a total jerk! My daughter tried her best to defend him for years and years, never gave up trying to convince herself that he really was who she had always wanted him to be. It took her a lot longer ... like you it wasn't until she turned thirty that she finally let herself see him for what he is. And now, both have completely washed their hands of him, have had no contact with him at all for well over a year. He is now the grandfather of a beautiful little 8 week old baby boy and doesn't even know it.

    Unfortunately, this is what happens when someone treats their children that badly ... they reap what they sow! No one to blame but themselves either. The kids grow up and mature and look at the situation, not as a child anymore, but from an adult point of view, and things become much clearer.
     
  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    So very similiar to easy child's father. I send my hugs to you both. Why do they play the mind games with the kids. Ugh....

    beth
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    *insert a line of rather fowl curse words here*

    Oh, Mary!! I'm so sorry. I know KT was really looking forward to that laptop.

    What a class A jerk. Gee, reminds me of my husband and how he treats K. You know he's talked to the girl all of 1 time in the past year we've been back in touch and that's because I made him. I handle all presents and communication. I do cuz I won't let her be hurt like that. But she knows it's me and not her dad.

    KT is reaching the age where she's gonna get dear ol' dad's number. And when she does........That will be that.

    I also had a dad like that. Guess what, he's 72 and my brother's about to put him in a nursing home cuz not one of his kids want to put up with him. Karma baby. :D

    (((hugs))) and extra (((hugs))) to KT as well.
     
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I think if I were to be completely and utterly honest with myself there is a a part of me that has sat and waited nearly 14 years for Dude to finally finally finally GET what it took me only the first one or two disappointments to get. NOT that I wanted my child to hurt, not that I wanted to see my kid cry, not that I wanted to hear the excuses my ex would give over the years or even that I wanted to be right - but I was.

    In 14 years of sitting and waiting - the man sent a rusty used bicycle in a brand new bicycle box and his baseball cap so that dude could smell his scent (no joke). He sent one letter with 2 $1 bills in it and most recently when Dude contacted him on his own that he was still doing drugs, unemployed, but had been hit by a car and had (HAD) to sell his pain medications to have an income - BUT he could send him $1000 dollars less the amt. it would take to sent it Western Union. AND - his nephew had wrecked his 3rd truck (at age 18) did he want Dude to get that wrecked truck for him?

    All the years of having to endure the yelling and screaming and hateful words that Daddy was wonderful - I'd see and Daddy would come and take him away and Daddy would get him stuff, and Daddy would buy him a car and Step Dad was a jerk - (step Dad sold his boat and Harley to get this kid psychiatric help and clothes for high school) so yeah....until the last little stint here about the 1000 dollars from drug sales and the wrecked car? I though the sun rose and set on Daddy - but to hear it out of Dudes mouth that Daddy was a waste of time? What I thought all these years I wanted to hear - I really didn't. It made me a little sadder than I thought.

    Either way we don't get to win. Eventually she'll come to her senses. She's just confused and hurt. Hugs for you both.
    A swift kick in the junk for him.
     
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