missing medications and aide

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Liahona, Dec 6, 2011.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Sunday difficult child 1 took his medications in front of me. He then went to put them away in the kitchen. He came out of the kitchen just a second after he went in. Monday after visitation he went to go get his medications so he could take them. They weren't there. I tore the kitchen apart. I made him turn out his pockets. husband and difficult child 1 went through his bedroom. I checked his backpack. This was a week ago. Originally I told him no gamecube until you tell us what happened to the medications. (Oh, a bit of history. X doesn't think difficult child 1 needs medications and does everything to sabotage it. difficult child 1 has been fine with medications then after going to X's house he hates the medications and tells us he all of a sudden has side effects he didn't have before. I'm thinking X told him to do something about the medications.) I relented because the only way I'll get that info out of difficult child 1 is if X isn't a threat anymore or if I become scarier than X is. Neither is going to happen any time soon. I told him that if he helps me get the house completely clean then he can play game cube. It is still a very stiff punishment and because I have to help him with it isn't happening soon.

    Anyway, today (after saying school was great today) difficult child 1 tells me that his aide thinks the reason he is having a bad day at school and is so grumpy is that he is grounded from the gamecube. She thinks I should do something else to punish him.

    I spoke without thinking first. I told difficult child 1 that aide has my phone number and if she wants to talk to me she can call me herself. And that his grounding is between him and me; that he needs to leave the aide out of it. I was mad. difficult child 1's response. "I'll tell her that."

    Then after about an hour to calm down I realized that my source of info is difficult child 1. That he has been known to twist adults words around to try to get what he wants and maybe aide didn't say exactly what he is saying she said.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh wow, I am impressed you realized that, I was all mad at the aide! For sure better to check it out. we have a rule in most of the districts that aides can't directly talk to parents. They can about times of parties etc. but nothing to do with their educational plan, behavior, etc. They dont know the big picture and though many are amazing, they often have opinions that dont include the background knowledge that comes from attending the IEP and planning meetings. They are not allowed to even write in the notebooks because of the liability. We had one who did it anyway and made it look like we were letting a kid put dangerous scissors in her mouth. It was nothing like that... but she just only saw little bits of things.

    But in this case, it could be very well that she just nodded in sympathy or said that must be hard or whatever and like you said, it was maybe twisted... sigh. Doesn't really sound like what a grown up would say but???

    So did you find the medications? how is he getting along with out them? yikes.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Scenarios like yours are one of the reasons I LOVE being a single parent (X wants nothing to do with kids since before they were born). I have no helpful advice on how to deal with that whole scenario.

    As for the aide thing, yea, I get it. difficult child 1 has done this many times only it's because he's had an idea in his head so only actually hears what supports his view. Everything else is gibberish to him. I have gotten to the point of saying exactly what you did (without any emotion added). He has gotten to where he knows before he tells me that I might not believe him so he has the other person tell me.
  4. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    OK. This is going to sound like someone from another planet. But...

    Maybe there is less manipulation going on than you think.
    Here's some alternative explanations... might not fit 100% on THIS one, but try looking at things this way when they don't make sense... you might be surprised.

    1) Hearing disability
    2) Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) - especially auditory figure ground - difficulty hearing in the presence of background noise

    If the child has an undiagnosed auditory disability... you would be absolutely astounded at what they actually "hear". (I know... I've had the problem as an adult.) When you don't hear clearly, your brain starts acting like the auto-correct on some of these smart phones that board members keep complaining about... and the results can be very strange... and/or totally hillarious. As an adult, I have ways of self-correcting etc. - but a kid doesn't necessarily know when follow-up info doesn't quite fit. And it really complicates things if you don't know that you have this problem.

    difficult child went through many years of being called a liar... at home and at school... when in fact, he really did NOT hear what was said... what he "heard" was what his brain did with the bits of words that he managed to catch.

    For a minimum, I'd want to have those possibilities ruled out.
    The first one is easy.
    The second one... you need Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) and audiologist resources that know about this stuff... we got lucky the second time around.
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Fortunately there was only 7 left so insurance agreed to refill it. difficult child 1 only went one night without it. He was emotional after he missed a night and then got it back in his system.

    And, no we haven't found them yet and he isn't going to tell us either. I did call the school so if they turn up there they are forewarned.

    Even if the aide did actually say what difficult child 1 said she did I'm betting she didn't get the whole story from difficult child 1 in the first place. Yes, I should call her/school to set things straight but I really don't want to. Can't I just bury my head in the sand on this one? UGH.

    I think this was difficult child 1's attempt to 'get the other person' involved without her actually present. He'll probably be having her call me next trying to get me to lessen his sentence. She might just get a few lessons in triangulation and manipulation if she does. Yeah, I should call her first.
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    His hearing has been tested. And then he was tested for auditory processing problems. Then he was tested for sensory problems with his hearing as part of an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation. He has hallucinations so I've gotten his hearing tested and tested and tested again.

    What he does have is a genius IQ when it comes to perceptual reasoning. In first grade the IQ tester was amazed that he could figure out puzzles high school students couldn't. difficult child 1 just "sees" how all the pieces (rules, relationships, likes and dislikes) fit together and how to manipulate them for his benefit. Even while in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he found the loop holes in their behavior system. They had to change it just for him. I'm sure other difficult children from this board would fit this as well.
  7. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    L -
    Glad you're up on the hearing side ... really proactive to be catching the Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) testing, too.

    But I'm still guessing that the chances are slim he's been tested for auditory figure ground. (if he has, you're very fortunate!) If you don't have test results that specifically list "auditory figure ground", he has not been tested. I doubt you'd have other terms for it on some report, or you'd already know he'd been tested for something similar.

    Having said that... yes, even IF he has this particular Auditory Processing Disorders (APD), it would not account for everything he gets mixed up... it would just be one more factor.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Don't call. Don't let him think you bought it and don't gdrag the poor person into it. If difficult child chooses to, oh well, they'll learn if they haven't already. If the aide has a problem with it, they will find a way to let you know. How would the aide know if difficult child hadn't told her? My guess is difficult child was using it as an excuse and aide just did the "yep...okay....sure" type thing.

    difficult child 1 does this a LOT lately, especially when he thinks I am WRONG about something. I would just drop it. Not worth the problems but I do know how frustrating it can be.
  9. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Thanks TeDo. I have enough to do. I'll drop it.
  10. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    BRAVO!!! This is a "pick your battle" moment. This one is NOT important enough as long as YOU didn't fall for it and difficult child knows you didn't.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh yeah, as I said, really they are usually good people, but just dont have the big picture and it is not worth your time. Triangulation like that, heck most kids try it at some times. but difficult child's can be expert..... that is why even when I dont agree with school I never let Q know. no way... we are on the same page and I expect that of them too. I will make it clear to the counselor we are meeting soon as well. OR, we will not go.