missing my son who was kicked out

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Woriedmom, Jun 17, 2014.

  1. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    what can I do to stop this ache in my hurting heart? : (
    should I take up knitting? please help. All suggestions welcome.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Whatever works.
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    To be honest the only thing you can do is breath and let it go. You can occupy your time and therefore your mind with activities like walking and volunteering.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Focus on YOU and your other relationships. He is an adult and needs to go through some life growth right now in order to become a man. Mommy needs to let him do that, no matter how he chooses to do that. I know it hurts, but shift that focus, momma. You are not doing anyone any good like this.

    READ that book - that is the first thing you should do. :)
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Going to an NA meeting may help...helped me A LOT. Being around others in my situation was crucial for both myself and my daughter. I needed to be able to let go and couldn't do it alone.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I always found comfort walking in the park. There were times when I couldn't get through the day without crying. I had to stay busy and yes going to meetings helped. I'm sorry you are hurting so.
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  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I spent hours playing iPod scrabble to occupy my mind. I took Tylenol PM to make sure I would sleep and that my mind wouldn't race & my heart wouldn't break in the middle of the night. I posted a lot. I cried a lot. One foot in front of the other. Stay busy {{{hugs}}}
  8. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Thank you all, I try.to occupy with my little girl but.there are.always.the little moments where.I'll have that.sudden stab where.I.feel my heart has broken in two. I took my princess for a stroll around the block today...that helped some. I wondered if they.have.the.book available for.a.free.download..if not.I'll have to wait till Friday.to purchase it.i will try to see about some.free.counseling, but.my time is very limited.as.my.2 year old needs mommy all the.time. Sorry.for all the.punctuation marks in this post but.I'm texting from my tiny phone. I will keep in touch ,thank you all especially those.that.are.very sympathetic and understanding my pain.
  9. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Signoria,I am so sorry.about your pain. My.20 yr.old May have.only been smoking pot but.that's.still horrible if you ask me. It's still so fresh now...he.did just get kicked out over.the.weekend. So scared right now since I haven't heard from him since.Sunday. My God! What if he followed through with one of his threats....my.God I can't think about that... I'll drive myself MAD.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon, many of us go long times without hearing from our adult kids. They get mad so they shut us out. But they always come back when the money dries up.

    After I made my daughter leave, and I knew where she was, her last words to me were, "I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER!" They haunted me for three silent weeks. I cried and was useless. I cried all three weeks. But she got back in touch and it was "iffy" contact until she finally quit and now we are best friends.

    Don't catastrophic. Don't worry about the future. Live for today. With drugs, you have to. None of us have a crystal ball, but if this helps...and I don't know if it will....I've been on this board for over a decade. I can't remember all the stories I read, but I don't recall any adult children having the worst happen to them due to their lifestyles. They are very resourceful and resilient in general and a few of them have come back from the edge (like my daughter). You need to Keep the Faith.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. Try to have a good day with your baby.
  11. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Thank you Midwest mom, I will do my best to focus on my little Princess...so glad for her, I think I would want to die if it weren't for her.
  12. Terryforvols

    Terryforvols Member

    Meetings, walking your daughter, or just realizing that 5 min have gone by and you're still standing (more or less) is all. Time was my greatest friend.

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  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    There really isnt a whole lot that is going to make you feel like mother of the year right now. Actually most parents feel a sense of loss when any of their kids move out but when they are kicked out its just more intense. Your comment about knitting made me chuckle a little because years ago I was in a really bad place emotionally for a reason I cant remember right now but I decided to learn to crochet. Then I decided I would crochet a never ending granny square blanket. I have a king sized bed so that was going to be one big blanket! But my thinking at the time was I felt like I wanted to die but I wouldnt do anything to myself until I finished that blanket.

    Eventually I got that blanket big enough for my bed but I never did finish it off in the proper way. I just tied off a corner so I could make it bigger if I wanted to. By the time it was done I was not in the crisis I was when I started it but I figured I better keep it alive just in case.

    Now about how badly you miss your son. I have been there but it was for an entirely different reason. My middle son had wanted to be a Marine since he was 8 years old. It was his driving ambition in life. He was in JROTC when 9/11 happened and about 2/3rds of his class dropped out but not him. His resolve just got deeper about wanting to serve his country. I had always supported him in this because I am also the daughter of a Marine, the niece of several Marines and the granddaughter of a Naval officer. The military is in our blood. However 9/11 had just happened and it was all you heard about. That was a scary time.

    My son joined into the Marines when he was 17 as an early enlistment. He left for boot camp when he was 18. His father and I cried like babies the entire time we were driving home from dropping him off at the place where they bus them to Parris Island. Then we pretty much cried the 17 weeks he was gone. The only contact we had with his was letters. We lived for those letters. I wrote him daily. We worried constantly because boot camp in the Marines is no picnic. I will spare you the details but I will say the last day his drill instructor hit him was the day he graduated. (They dont tell you that happens on a daily basis)

    And then...he graduated and we worried more. But we got through it and now he is out. His tour is over but he picked a career that is dangerous too. He works for the sheriff's dept. This boy of mine wants to give me a heart attack...lol. It has been 11 years now since he left home. The people on this board held my hand while I about went crazy. They also cheered with me when things went well. I still worry about him pretty much daily because I know that at any time some nut could decide they dont like his uniform and shoot him. I dont dwell on that. I know that should anything bad happen I will be notified. We, as parents, cant constantly think about all the bad things that can happen because good stuff can happen too. I like to think about the good.
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I forgot to ask if you've ever tried a Twelve Step Group. They are not for everybody, but for many of us they were lifesaving. The three weeks after my daughter was thrown out due to drugs, I was barely able to get out of bed. I kept hearing her screaming at me, "I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER." I couldn't tell this to my loonybin family or even my friends and my hub was very sympathetic, but he came into her life later and she is not his daughter. Plus he is calm and laid back and "let's see what happens" by nature, which did not calm me down, although you'd think it would have!!

    The group's people, after the meeting, were so kind and caring and full of smart advice and stories to share. I could not have done it without them. With their help, I was able to learn to take care of myself yet have a sort of relationship with my daughter, on and off, until she quit. I still go to Al-Anon at times to get grounded because I feel it is helpful for any dysfunctional people you have to deal with, not just addiction.

    I can honestly say it has helped me more than professional therapy.
  15. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Well I did take up knitting when my daughter left for college this fall....really it is all about building a life for yourself not built around your kids...in your case it is putting your mothering focus on your little one. The worry will continue but the key is to find ways to not have it take over your life. I have a lot to worry about with my difficult child who is currently in jail again after elapsing and he is only 22 ....and yet although I do worry and at times really stew over it, I am letting go and I am enjoying my life, you cant fix this and believe me I have tried everything....

    Distraction is good...find things you enjoy doing!

    And I have found a great parents alanon group which has really helped.


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