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Misunderstandings
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 753125" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think that the bottom line in what you write, Nomad, is not taking on other people's stuff, their weirdness, their bad behavior, their pettiness. And especially difficult is when they join together, they collaborate in their stories, and we feel like the odd man out. We begin to doubt ourselves and may succumb to thinking they're right. (Do I deserve this bad behavior? Did I do something wrong? Am I bad?--Well, that's me speaking. I won't project onto others.)</p><p></p><p>Then can begin the defense. The tendency to fall into me or us versus them. Not in our actions but in our thoughts. And this, we lose ourselves, (temporarily.)</p><p></p><p>If we can leave the questionable behavior on the other side of the street, and not go pick it up, so to speak, we save ourselves a great deal of suffering. To me, that's the message of your thread. Because, as you say, we will not know their motives, their real thinking. And even if we could come to know it, as you did with your doctor's visit, what difference does it make? </p><p></p><p>The thinking, the tales, the weirdness, is all theirs. It's not yours. Or mine. In your case, you have a wonderful, kind, gentle, and loving husband. End of story.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 753125, member: 18958"] I think that the bottom line in what you write, Nomad, is not taking on other people's stuff, their weirdness, their bad behavior, their pettiness. And especially difficult is when they join together, they collaborate in their stories, and we feel like the odd man out. We begin to doubt ourselves and may succumb to thinking they're right. (Do I deserve this bad behavior? Did I do something wrong? Am I bad?--Well, that's me speaking. I won't project onto others.) Then can begin the defense. The tendency to fall into me or us versus them. Not in our actions but in our thoughts. And this, we lose ourselves, (temporarily.) If we can leave the questionable behavior on the other side of the street, and not go pick it up, so to speak, we save ourselves a great deal of suffering. To me, that's the message of your thread. Because, as you say, we will not know their motives, their real thinking. And even if we could come to know it, as you did with your doctor's visit, what difference does it make? The thinking, the tales, the weirdness, is all theirs. It's not yours. Or mine. In your case, you have a wonderful, kind, gentle, and loving husband. End of story. [/QUOTE]
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