klmno
Active Member
Well, I guess I will accept this offer but at this point, it is more because I feel like I have no choice. They wouldn't agree to pay me more so we will be striving to survive from pay day to payday and taking basicly minimal stuff. Probably, it will end up with me shipping some boxes over of things I would hate to part with- difficult child's baby stuff, diplomas, etc. That's the only way I can see to afford this move- the dogs will cost a fortune to get over there, with quarantine and lab test requirements, plus HI's fees. But, I don't have the conscience to not take them.
I am having some twinges of anger toward difficult child for this whole situation. I know it isn't his fault that our legal people here were so difficult to work with or that the economy inhales, making it impossible for me to find employment here at this point, but if the kid had not repetitively broken the law, I would not be sitting here having to wipe out everything I have worked YEARS to accumulate, taking my last dime to move to a place for a job that will pay for a lower quality lifestyle than we are accustomed to, losing a home that he has left damaged, and me emotionally crushed and drained, with no assurance whatsoever that he won't turn around and break the law or threaten me or damage the next place again. Would you like to guess my reaction when he sat in family therapy and said he would like to have more freedom and privileges from me when he comes home and the darn therapist appears to be leading toward the typical rewards/consequences/behavioral agreement while I'm sitting there thinking that we should be talking about difficult child understanding that this is his LAST chance at home and there is a lot of emotional healing to do and no matter what a PO or GAL tells him, it won't change that?? I really don't think this approach is helping him to learn not to take me for granted. And I'm soooo tired of people acting like because he's done so well in there thru late spring and summer that I should believe that he will be fine living at home now. They have the backup of all those in the system, they have guards, and they can keep him incarcerated- not to mention, he's always done pretty well those times of year.
Then, there is the difficult child legal issue stuff. I've heard from a couple of sources that they are considering letting difficult child out even earlier than Feb. I simply cannot wait until Feb. to go, assuming there is no problem getting my clearance. (If they hold the recent credit issues or difficult child's issues against me, I'm sunk.) I left a message for the "main" counselor at difficult child's facility this morning so I could find out if they will coordinate a release date with me at all, or if not, set it quickly so I can plan to wait (if it's in Late Dec. or early Jan.), or plan to go ASAP (Dec.) and come back and get difficult child in Feb. She never returned my call.
Then, since difficult child's parole officer had said the inter-state people told him there should be no problem with difficult child moving to HI but HI wanted paperwork in 3 mos ahead of the release, I called the juvenile court people in HI to get their input. I asked if the paperwork HAD to be there 3 mos prior to difficult child's moving, or if this was just a preference. The lady told me there are 2 scenarios, depending on how this state handles things, but they work with this state.
First scenario- someone already has a home in HI and they check all that out, then tell the sending state if they are ok with the placement and agree to monitor the child in that home and then the sending state sends the child. That process takes about 3 mos total to get paperwork, review the setting/home, and get paperwork back to the sending state. This is where the magic "3 mos" came into play but that would require me moving out 3 mos before difficult child. Given the time for my clearance check, I can't get out there before mid-december.
Second scenario: The sending state allows the child to go with custodial parent, after sending paperwork to HI. HI people check out temp, then permanent home, sending states recommendations, etc., then tells sending state if they think placement is appropriate and if they agree to monitor child as recommended. She said unless the parent has a major criminal background, there are drugs in the home, or the child is a sex offender and another child lives in the home, they almost always agree to the placement and monitoring. BUT, this is based on the sending state allowing the child to move there without that confirmation first. And, if HI doesn't agree after the child is already out there, the sending state can order that the child return to this state. I almost want to ask the PO here to just ask the judge to remove the requirement to be montitored if that happened.
I just found this stuff out about 1/2 hour ago so it was too late to call the PO today. I have to give an answer about the job though by later this evening (my time). So far, I haven't heard of any consequences if for some reason I accept then back out so I guess I will accept. I'm in tears and I feel so drained and I really shouldn't be making any permanent decisions right now but I have no choice.
I am having some twinges of anger toward difficult child for this whole situation. I know it isn't his fault that our legal people here were so difficult to work with or that the economy inhales, making it impossible for me to find employment here at this point, but if the kid had not repetitively broken the law, I would not be sitting here having to wipe out everything I have worked YEARS to accumulate, taking my last dime to move to a place for a job that will pay for a lower quality lifestyle than we are accustomed to, losing a home that he has left damaged, and me emotionally crushed and drained, with no assurance whatsoever that he won't turn around and break the law or threaten me or damage the next place again. Would you like to guess my reaction when he sat in family therapy and said he would like to have more freedom and privileges from me when he comes home and the darn therapist appears to be leading toward the typical rewards/consequences/behavioral agreement while I'm sitting there thinking that we should be talking about difficult child understanding that this is his LAST chance at home and there is a lot of emotional healing to do and no matter what a PO or GAL tells him, it won't change that?? I really don't think this approach is helping him to learn not to take me for granted. And I'm soooo tired of people acting like because he's done so well in there thru late spring and summer that I should believe that he will be fine living at home now. They have the backup of all those in the system, they have guards, and they can keep him incarcerated- not to mention, he's always done pretty well those times of year.
Then, there is the difficult child legal issue stuff. I've heard from a couple of sources that they are considering letting difficult child out even earlier than Feb. I simply cannot wait until Feb. to go, assuming there is no problem getting my clearance. (If they hold the recent credit issues or difficult child's issues against me, I'm sunk.) I left a message for the "main" counselor at difficult child's facility this morning so I could find out if they will coordinate a release date with me at all, or if not, set it quickly so I can plan to wait (if it's in Late Dec. or early Jan.), or plan to go ASAP (Dec.) and come back and get difficult child in Feb. She never returned my call.
Then, since difficult child's parole officer had said the inter-state people told him there should be no problem with difficult child moving to HI but HI wanted paperwork in 3 mos ahead of the release, I called the juvenile court people in HI to get their input. I asked if the paperwork HAD to be there 3 mos prior to difficult child's moving, or if this was just a preference. The lady told me there are 2 scenarios, depending on how this state handles things, but they work with this state.
First scenario- someone already has a home in HI and they check all that out, then tell the sending state if they are ok with the placement and agree to monitor the child in that home and then the sending state sends the child. That process takes about 3 mos total to get paperwork, review the setting/home, and get paperwork back to the sending state. This is where the magic "3 mos" came into play but that would require me moving out 3 mos before difficult child. Given the time for my clearance check, I can't get out there before mid-december.
Second scenario: The sending state allows the child to go with custodial parent, after sending paperwork to HI. HI people check out temp, then permanent home, sending states recommendations, etc., then tells sending state if they think placement is appropriate and if they agree to monitor child as recommended. She said unless the parent has a major criminal background, there are drugs in the home, or the child is a sex offender and another child lives in the home, they almost always agree to the placement and monitoring. BUT, this is based on the sending state allowing the child to move there without that confirmation first. And, if HI doesn't agree after the child is already out there, the sending state can order that the child return to this state. I almost want to ask the PO here to just ask the judge to remove the requirement to be montitored if that happened.
I just found this stuff out about 1/2 hour ago so it was too late to call the PO today. I have to give an answer about the job though by later this evening (my time). So far, I haven't heard of any consequences if for some reason I accept then back out so I guess I will accept. I'm in tears and I feel so drained and I really shouldn't be making any permanent decisions right now but I have no choice.
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