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MJ - what's next?
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 755297" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Thank you, Copa. It reminds me of the situation with the cutting. She knew it was killing me and despite me saying I wanted no part of it, she always made sure I knew when she was doing it again. My therapist at the time felt very strongly that I withdraw all of my attention from the subject .Let it be her problem. I think I will do the same here : Not say anything else about it. I set my boundary: while living in my house, you cannot come home drunk or stoned. Nothing more needs to be said, because anything else is giving attention to something I really dont want any part of .I did the drinking and the drugging myself up to age 24 and I don't want any part of it .I don't want to see it, I am in recovery for God's sake. </p><p></p><p>I see what you are expressing here: daughter likes to hold power over me. Any way she can. I have slowly been withdrawing from her drama, her mental health following Al-anon's detachment with love. And she hates it. I no longer shop with her, I let her deal with her own issues, I don't give advice, I don't make suggestions. And she hates it. She puts me in enemy camp for it. She wants me to be the rescuer, the fixer. </p><p></p><p>I picked her up -high- this time. It was the first time. And I made it clear how I felt about it. So I won't do it again. We don't have Uber or Lyft where we live. She doesn't have very many friends here. But it doesn't matter. I think she knows I won't do it again. </p><p></p><p>She tries in almost every conversation we have to put me down somehow. Today telling me that something I said reminds her of my Mother (she knows I will get defensive with that one - haha), laughing at me. It wasn't anything serious, but enough that I withdrew attention and started reading. She likes to get me to react. So I am working hard at not reacting and thoughtfully responding instead. It all reminds me of my husband and how he used to act out when he was dry drunk. The attempt to control me, to put me down, to keep me small, to play with my emotions .</p><p></p><p>The answer to all of it is the relationship I have with myself. I will continue to work on self acceptance, self love, and self confidence .When I have that, nothing or nobody can shake me. I need to get the focus of everyone else and onto myself. </p><p></p><p>Started the shame book this morning. I am ready to work .</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 755297, member: 24254"] Thank you, Copa. It reminds me of the situation with the cutting. She knew it was killing me and despite me saying I wanted no part of it, she always made sure I knew when she was doing it again. My therapist at the time felt very strongly that I withdraw all of my attention from the subject .Let it be her problem. I think I will do the same here : Not say anything else about it. I set my boundary: while living in my house, you cannot come home drunk or stoned. Nothing more needs to be said, because anything else is giving attention to something I really dont want any part of .I did the drinking and the drugging myself up to age 24 and I don't want any part of it .I don't want to see it, I am in recovery for God's sake. I see what you are expressing here: daughter likes to hold power over me. Any way she can. I have slowly been withdrawing from her drama, her mental health following Al-anon's detachment with love. And she hates it. I no longer shop with her, I let her deal with her own issues, I don't give advice, I don't make suggestions. And she hates it. She puts me in enemy camp for it. She wants me to be the rescuer, the fixer. I picked her up -high- this time. It was the first time. And I made it clear how I felt about it. So I won't do it again. We don't have Uber or Lyft where we live. She doesn't have very many friends here. But it doesn't matter. I think she knows I won't do it again. She tries in almost every conversation we have to put me down somehow. Today telling me that something I said reminds her of my Mother (she knows I will get defensive with that one - haha), laughing at me. It wasn't anything serious, but enough that I withdrew attention and started reading. She likes to get me to react. So I am working hard at not reacting and thoughtfully responding instead. It all reminds me of my husband and how he used to act out when he was dry drunk. The attempt to control me, to put me down, to keep me small, to play with my emotions . The answer to all of it is the relationship I have with myself. I will continue to work on self acceptance, self love, and self confidence .When I have that, nothing or nobody can shake me. I need to get the focus of everyone else and onto myself. Started the shame book this morning. I am ready to work . [/QUOTE]
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