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Substance Abuse
"Mom can I please come home"
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 409312"><p>Oh Nancy I am so sorry it has been like that. If that had happened at the meeting I go I think you would have gotten a lot of understanding and compassionate looks. It is true no one probably would have answered your question or given you advice or answered you directly.... but someone might have shared their own experience about how they got to forgiveness. I know Alanon you are not supposed to give advice or really directly comment on what someone else says... but I have found the sharing to be really helpful. I also have found the readings from the book really helpful.</p><p></p><p>Do you know this other family at all? Is there any way you could have a conversation with them about your concerns. Probably not at all in the current circumstances. When we kicked my son out of the house he went to live with a friend whose house was known as the "flophouse" by several parents. It is where the kids went for the weekend to hang out and get high. Clearly not a great place for him. We went by to take some stuff to my son and the dad came out to meet us. Now he could not have been a more different person than me really. I could see however why my son related to him. We were friendly and started chatting. What happened over time is that even if my son wasn't keeping me in touch the dad would let me know he was ok.... and if I got really worried I could call the dad. So we kind of started working together. I had a conversation where I stayed non judgmental about drug use but told them straight out that I knew some kids could do it with no problem, but my son had a problem with pot and could not do it casually. I think these parents, who did drugs themselves, got that we cared about our son and so when our son was complaining or bad mouthing us they kind of knew different. Like I said it was not the best situation at all for my son but given that I didn't want him home, and I preferred him being there than on the street I worked with it as much as I could. I think in the end the son saw that my son really did have a drug problem and supported him going to rehab. I know it is really hard to imagine being on good terms with people that enable and support your daughters substance abuse....I mean really what are they thinking?? On the other hand it is a way to get some sense of how she is really doing and what is really going on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 409312"] Oh Nancy I am so sorry it has been like that. If that had happened at the meeting I go I think you would have gotten a lot of understanding and compassionate looks. It is true no one probably would have answered your question or given you advice or answered you directly.... but someone might have shared their own experience about how they got to forgiveness. I know Alanon you are not supposed to give advice or really directly comment on what someone else says... but I have found the sharing to be really helpful. I also have found the readings from the book really helpful. Do you know this other family at all? Is there any way you could have a conversation with them about your concerns. Probably not at all in the current circumstances. When we kicked my son out of the house he went to live with a friend whose house was known as the "flophouse" by several parents. It is where the kids went for the weekend to hang out and get high. Clearly not a great place for him. We went by to take some stuff to my son and the dad came out to meet us. Now he could not have been a more different person than me really. I could see however why my son related to him. We were friendly and started chatting. What happened over time is that even if my son wasn't keeping me in touch the dad would let me know he was ok.... and if I got really worried I could call the dad. So we kind of started working together. I had a conversation where I stayed non judgmental about drug use but told them straight out that I knew some kids could do it with no problem, but my son had a problem with pot and could not do it casually. I think these parents, who did drugs themselves, got that we cared about our son and so when our son was complaining or bad mouthing us they kind of knew different. Like I said it was not the best situation at all for my son but given that I didn't want him home, and I preferred him being there than on the street I worked with it as much as I could. I think in the end the son saw that my son really did have a drug problem and supported him going to rehab. I know it is really hard to imagine being on good terms with people that enable and support your daughters substance abuse....I mean really what are they thinking?? On the other hand it is a way to get some sense of how she is really doing and what is really going on. [/QUOTE]
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