Mom not doing well....UPDATE

[hearts and roses]

Thanks again everyone. I got in late from a meeting I had this evening so I couldn't call my sister M who lives near my mom and is her POW for her financial affairs. I will leave her a msg tomorrow and hope she calls me back - she is not so great about doing that.

Anyway, I appreciate everyone's comments and positive thoughts.

 

[DammitJanet]

Jo...if your sister got a general durable power of attorney then she is probably the P of A for both financial and medical matters.

I was my moms durable p of a for years. In fact, I just ran into that paperwork a few months ago and finally burned it.

 

[busywend]

Jo, I have no advice, just hugs. I hope you can all remain communicative and reasonable through these tough years.

HUGS!

 

[nvts]

Jo, I'm really sorry you're going through this. I have a question:

Has anyone checked with her gp and found out an extensive list of ALL of her medications, dosages and any over the counter stuff that she might be taking? If you're thinking strokes, and she's taking say a blood pressure medication or an anticoagulant, one could be messing with the other.

Since she's going from house to house over the last few months, there may be a medication that she's supposed to be taking and ISN'T because no one really knew what she's been prescribed. Then to top it all off, one dr. takes her off the lipitor and then your sister puts it back into her without checking with anyone. You need to also look into exactly what type of vitamins or herbal supplements (don't forget teas and coffee supplements that she could be taking - even if she's gotten into green tea with echanacea) which could be messing with her prescribed medications.

I guess I'm worried that she may still be vital and something may be overlooked that could return her to that person she was in July/August.

Sorry if I offend, :wink:

Beth

 

[hearts and roses]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: nvts</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I guess I'm worried that she may still be vital and something may be overlooked that could return her to that person she was in July/August. Sorry if I offend, Beth </div></div>

No, Beth, not offended at all! I thank you for your post because those are the things I TRIED to straighten out when she was at my house. I tried to organize her medications with her so I could figure out what she was taking, when, etc., but there was a mix-up with one of her medications. My sister M is supposed to be on top of the medications situation and when I called her for clarification, she wasn't very helpful. In addition to our confusion, mom keeps all her medications in a GIANT plastic Ziplock bag and then places her weekly medications into one of those Sunday through Saturday medication containers. Each Sunday she refills it. What I noticed was that not all of her medications were gone throughout the week and when I asked her about it she said she doesn't always need to take certain medications every day. So, I checked with the pharmacy on the dosages and when I tried to straighten it out with mom, she refused to do as told. Plus, she is supposed to take an aspirin each day and she refuses. Not so coincidentally, she discontinued taking the aspirin JUST before she came to my house.

My sister in law used to be a cardian nurse in ICU and she said that its VERY possible and likely that mom suffered a group of mini strokes simply because she hadn't been taking the aspirin. My mom claims that the aspirin caused her to have blood in her stool, but we've since discovered that very often people who take medications like lipitor and/or avandia long term often develop cholitis-like symptoms which would explain the blood in her stool. When she was with me I also tried to get her to go to my dr just to get a stool sample done so we could have that checked out - she was 'going' all the time and it wasn't normal so I thought she maybe had one of those bugs that the aged are very susceptible.

I called my sister M this morning and hopefully she will contact me later. I think I am just going to call the Dept of Aging myself this morning and see if I can't get the ball rolling - at least get her an open case and possibly a caseworker for an initial meeting. After the new year I will have all my vacation time back, so I could possibly go to PA and sit in on the meetings with my sister M. I don't know, we'll see how today goes.

Thanks again.

 

[TerryJ2]

Jo, in regard to how she takes her medications, next time she goes to the dr, have him or her tell your mom in no uncertain terms which medication caused blood in the urine, etc. It is usually worth the price of an ofc visit just to have someone in a position of authority say the same thing you've been saying all along.
(That goes for marriage counseling, too, LOL!)

 

[hearts and roses]

I spoke with my sister M who has POA over my mother's affairs. She believes it is in all areas of mother's affairs not only financial, which is excellent *I think*.

I gathered all the information I had about the nursing home/assisted living facility near sister's house and I also told her that mom needs to see a gerontologist ASAP, that I would take vacation time to go to PA and help her get everything going and settled.

M is also afraid to go up against T (loco sister where mom is right now) and our other sister S, who is also resistent to mom going into a home. However, no one is willing to take mom in and the only ones of us who are work full time, so moving into our homes would not provide the 24 hour care that mom needs, you know?

Sister M agreed with me when I explained things to her from a safety and care aspect. I think the largest problem is that we've all been thinking with our hearts and not logically about mom's welfare long term. And that is why it's taken us till now to finally start talking about a facility. My conversation with sister S did not go well yesterday, as she's too emotional and she just wants to ship mom around throughout the year, but has already stated that she can only take mom 3 weeks at time!! That's not healthy for mom to be moving around so much. She needs continuity and stability. She needs a home, with care and safety. The place I am looking at sounds awesome, so I'm calling today to find out about wait lists, conditions of admission, costs covered by medicare and medicaid, etc. Wish me luck.

I am feeling better about rocking the boat with my family over this. I am so very concerned about mom's safety and having the peace of mind to know that she's being cared for properly. Thanks for all the strength you've given me!

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Jo,

The others have already given you excellent advice. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and keeping your mother in my prayers...

My husband and I were in the same position you're in with both of his parents at the same time. His mother had liver cancer and his dad had diabetes, congestive heart failure, and we think the beginning of alzheimer's.

It's a long story, but, I just want you to know I understand... Your mother is very lucky to have you for her daughter. As others have already said, do what you feel in your heart is best for your mother. Her comfort and happiness is what really matters most...

Sending you lots of strength to get through this difficult time.

Hugs, WFEN

 

[TerryJ2]

Good luck, Jo!

 

[DammitJanet]

Jo...I think the very hardest part is getting it all started. Once your mom is in her new place, surrounded by her own possessions, nice new friends, activities, *SAFETY*, and all that other good junk...then everyone can breathe a little and see that it will be ok and no one is shoving mommy off into some dungeon.

Already my kids are arguing over who is going to take care of me as I get sicker and sicker! I have loudly told them I am putting it in my health care proxy that I would rather go to a nursing home where I can sit in a wheel chair, play bingo, sing songs around a piano and be wheeled outside to smoke than be stuck with ANY of them....lmao!