Mom of killer at Columbine gives interview

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Nomad, Feb 11, 2016.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    It will be interesting for me as I am from Colo. I know people who's kids went to Columbine and died that day. I asked a co-worker one day how they were coping and he said "I'm really tired of going to funerals for these kids"
    It was horrific!!!
     
  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I will watch the interview. I feel so badly for the mothers, for the parents and families. One of us on P.E. posted once that she sent a card, a beautiful card, to the mother of one of these kids. How horrible it is to see our children self destruct. How much more horrific to know they have taken the lives of others.

    I a glad to know this interview is upcoming. Thank you, Nomad.

    Cedar
     
  4. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly Active Member

    I saw a preview just now on TV, I find it hard to hear her constantly say the word "harmed" vs. killed, murdered in talking about what her son did to the folks at the school. They were murdered, they died, they were killed, he did all those "words". Saying harmed, makes it seem like she diminishes what her son really did. Just my take on it.
     
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  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm recording it and will be interested to see what she has to say.
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Im buying the book. It is pre ordered.

    I feel for the boys mother. She didnt do the horrific crime. Im ok with her using the word harmed for her own sanity. We are not our children. She did nothing wrong and my heart hurts for her.
     
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  7. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I watched this interview and I feel so very, very sorry for the parents. I think the mom explained why she did use the word harmed. It's almost unfathomable that the child you created, you raised, you loved, you had hopes and dreams for could do such a horrific act. She also used the word killed and she did feel very responsible for what her son did. She has reached out to the parents and offered to meet with them and extended that offer again. This mother is tortured by what happened. She was a good mom that loved her children and was involved in their lives. She believed his standoffishness and bad attitude was caused by teenage angst. She had no clue about the diaries that had been written until after the fact. She did say that for many years she did go through her son's bedroom, but this last year she chose to give him privacy. And she urged all parents to monitor their children bedrooms at all time. She felt if she had done this, the outcome would not have been what it was. His mother now has cancer and is trying to recover. She has written this book and will donate all proceeds to mental health causes. My heart hurts for her to. Her pain is right there for all to see.
     
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  8. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    There was a long article in our Guardian newspaper yesterday that I read. It was about the book that she has written. She spoke about how she and her son had been portrayed as monsters and how he had a loving childhood and it was just so heartbreaking to read. The book is being published in the UK next week and I have pre-ordered it, even though I know it will be very hard to read:

    http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/...assacre-killer-dylan-klebold-mother-sue-guilt
     
  9. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I watched the Columbine tragedy when it first occurred sitting on the couch with my newborn son in my lap. I watched Dylan Kleibold's mother on TV the other day with my soon to be 17 year old son next to me on the couch. I remembered thinking, as a parent whose oldest child was then only 8, that how could it be that a parent wouldn't just KNOW what was going on in their child's life. Now, as the parent of her 5th teenager, I get that feeling of wanting to give your child some privacy, some pulling back as they approach the college years and of really NOT knowing what's going on, especially with those kids who outwardly give us no trouble. Most parents don't want to imagine their children as monsters - Jeffrey Dahmer's parents loved him and "Son of Sam" had caring adoptive parents - and I can't judge this mother. She didn't buy the explosives for him or encourage him. Besides, why is it always the mother who's to blame?

    The main thing that I have learned over the years is that 17 and 18 year olds are NOT adults and their brains are not done growing.

    I kind of wish that the brains of the people who commit these acts could be autopsied to see if there was anything organic that caused them to do this, like the Texas killer, Charles Whitman, who killed his wife and mother-in-law and then shot about 20 people at a college in 1965. He left a note saying he didn't feel like himself and please autopsy his brain. It turned out that he had a brain tumor that caused his behavior to turn violent. I'm not saying that this is always the case but if something can be found from this type of research, maybe it could help.
     
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  10. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Before I had a Difficult Child, I was probably guilty of this. Saying, "What kind of parent's raised these kids?" Even after my son showed his true colors, and sometimes even still, I wonder myself, "What did I do wrong?" I think it's an ingrained response to think that the apple must not have fallen far from the tree.

    But mostly now I often feel as sorry for the parents of the perpetrators of these crimes as I do the parents of the victims. The perpetrators parents may just be victims too. Sure, some of the parents of the kids who do horrible things have ignored or abused the kids. But many, like this mother, just didn't see it. It wasn't that she didn't love him. It wasn't that she didn't try. It's that these kids are masters at hiding the anger and sickness that's simmering.

    Hell, I didn't know my kid was smoking pot and K2 in my own house. I would not have known if he'd had a carefully hidden gun or knife. We didn't search him. We trusted him right up until the day we couldn't trust him anymore.

    Then we tried trusting him again.

    I feel so sorry for the burden she bears every day of her life.
     
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I too recall talking with my husband about how no way in heck would I understand what it is like to have a difficult child until I had one. Even my closest friend didn't fully understand, until one day difficult child took advantage of her. And mind you, our difficult child is not a drug user, so we can't even factor such a thing into her decision making processes. AND she has a kind heart. It's just that she is impulsive and often has decision making troubles. Although this is a very extreme situation, Few, if any of us, are fully prepared to handle the onslaught of mental illness.
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2016
  12. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I didn't see the intereview, but started her book last night... it's heartbreakingly honest and hard to put down. It took great courage to put that out there for all to read.
     
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  13. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I watched the interview last weekend and cried so much for her because I am the loving mother of a Difficult Child. That poor, poor woman. I believe she did her best and we all know teenage years can be tough and each child is different. I was rather surprised there was no drug use mentioned with the boys. Not that that fact would excuse anything but we know that drugs can really screw up our Difficult Child minds. After what I've been through with my own son, I can certainly never hold another loving mother responsible for their children's bad choices. This is something she is tormented by daily and is almost worse than death if you ask me.
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I bought the book and it should be here soon.
     
  15. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    I have this book now. It's sitting on the table in front of me but I haven't opened it yet. Has anyone read it? I've been looking online at several sites with information about the shootings, victims, survivors and extracts from the journals of the two shooters. I've also been reading interviews with Sue Klebold on various news sites. The comments at the end of several news articles are more upsetting than the interview - the comments that some people have posted about how she should be damned, how she must have been a terrible mother, etc etc.

    an example: "God damn this woman. If she had even vaguely been doing her job as a mom she would have known what her evil child was doing!"


    Sue Klebold says:
    “I think we like to believe that our love and our understanding is protective, and that ‘If anything were wrong with my kids, I would know.’ But I didn’t know, and it’s very hard to live with that,” she said.

    “I felt that I was a good mom. … That he would, he could talk to me about anything,” she continued. “Part of the shock of this was that learning that what I believed and how I lived and how I parented was an invention in my own mind. That it, it was a completely different world that he was living in.”

    How many of us, honestly, can relate to this?

    It will be interesting to compare thoughts after several of us have read this book.
     
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I read the book already. It broke my heart. I think this could happen to anyone. It was scary. I also think she gave a good description of how her horrible ride has been and how she feels now. How many of us see behavior like Dylan's and think "typical teen" or "just depressed" or "a little withdrawn" and chalk it up to normal teendom. She had not seen the basement tapes (won't spoil this for anybody) until after he'd done it. And she had to see the tapes watching her son killing other students. I think I was shaking when I read that part.

    I think the mother's idea of the sensationalist media not disclosing names and photos of shooters is a great idea. I think this is a good idea for international terrorists too. The names and pictures make potential would-be killers think "Wow, I can be a famous killer one day! Cool! What a way to go out!!" If we did not publicize these people, perhaps a few would be serial killers would decide it's not worth it because there is no payoff after death. No notoriety.

    I think the scariest part of the book was that lots of kids write to Dylan's parents calling Dylan a hero. There are a lot of sick homicidal people out there who are just a hair trigger away from doing what Dylan, Eric or any terrorist does. And they hide it well. How many school shooters did anyone say this about? "I knew he was capable of violence and am not surprised." None. Just the opposite. Same with other serial killers. We just can't know.

    Feeling very sober right now. She is a brave lady. I am not sure I would even choose to go on with life after something like this happening, let alone share it with others to try to help them.
     
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  17. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm almost done with it, have had a busy week and not much time to read. I find her an incredibly brave and insightful woman - she looked for understanding for herself, yet emphasizes she is not in any way making excuses for what her son did. The fact that her son was so very, very good at hiding what was going on .. right under their noses.. was just chilling. I believed every word, because so much of it I could relate to. What a journey she's had, and will continue to have. I've already seen several negative reviews of the book - she'll take some flack, no doubt.

    I think many of us can relate most of all to the "blame the parent" outpouring that she had to endure. How many of us have had to deal with this, even though our kids have done nothing as horrific as hers? She even admits that she probably would have done the same (blame the parents) had she been in the other parents' shoes. I'm in awe of her raw honesty.
     
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  18. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I haven't read it, but have read interviews. I can't imagine living with the knowledge that my child had done that. I blamed myself before finding this board...and still at time wonder if I did something wrong...for my son's comparatively very minor behaviors. I'm certain I'd, at a minimum, quit my job, move away and change my name. I don't think I could live with anyone else knowing I was his mother. I'm not sure I could live with it at all. She's a much braver woman than I am.

    It's heartbreaking.
     
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  19. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    We need more mothers like her - the kind who are willing to put a "face" to the rest of "us", the ones who tend to get blamed when in reality, there is so much more to the picture.

    Her story could have been my story.
     
  20. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Insane your son didn't do anything violent did he?
     
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