Mom sends adopted boy back to Russia with note

Discussion in 'Parenting News' started by Giselle, Apr 9, 2010.

  1. Giselle

    Giselle New Member

    Just came across this.

    Mom sends adopted boy back to Russia with note: I no longer wish to parent this chid
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    LOL- that was my link on my thread in the WC about handling difficult children! Maybe a moderator can merge these.

    My issue with it- of course this is preferable to abusing or murdering a child but if she really couldn't deal with the boy, since she could afford to go get him and adopt him I'm thinking she could afford to get him back to his home country a better way.
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2010
  3. Giselle

    Giselle New Member

    Oops! Sorry - I had heard it on the radio, and did a quick search and found it. Didn't see it in your thread. I guess this is a story that is of interest to parents of difficult children :)

    I think she really wasn't prepared for the kinds of issues that could come up with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), attachment disorder, and such. She's in the wrong for not doing her homework, but I think so are the agencies involved for not helping to prepare adoptive parents. It may be that the structure of the orphanage allowed him to seem less troubled, but one has to know that these are real issues that can come up.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I was appalled when I read this story. Despite his issues, he's still a kid. And I agree with-KLMNO that if she could afford to fly over and adopt him to begin with, she should be able to afford Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    She should have known that adopting a kid that old would be difficult to begin with (although I cannot tell you how many people think it's easier once they're out of the diaper stage; no one "gets" the psychiatric issues and baggage that come with-older kids), but a Russian orphanage? AND an alcoholic mom who raised him until he was 6? You have to ask yourself if she was thinking at all. She claimed that the Russian agency lied to her and told her he was fine. Hey, they probably did. But she should have done her homework beforehand. Too many people are swayed by romanticized movies and musicals like Annie and (what's the name of that movie based on a true story where the woman picks up a kid on the side of the road and literally takes him home?).

    I hope the Russian kid grows up to become a writer and makes a cpl million bucks. :)

    I think the American mom is getting her comeuppance through the media (especially the Russian media and govn't, which is using her as "the last straw" to cut off American adoptions, especially after the murders last yr.)

    The front page of the Mpls Star and Trib had an article about a mom who had a problematic adopted son and warned the school about him. sSre enough, he pulled a gun on the class and scared everyone half to death. The only good news is that he's in treatment now (at least, I assume so). She had to protect her younger kids and separate herself from him. (I'll look it up and try to put the link on another note.)

    After reading these articles many people will think twice about adopting.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    And here's another point of view.

    Opinion: Adoptive Mother Should Be Sent to the Gulag

    by Susan Avery (Subscribe to Susan Avery's posts) Apr 12th 2010 1:45PM

    Like pregnancy, when you're in the process of adopting a child, the journey into the world of motherhood spans a matter of months, and in some cases, years. Both Mother Nature and the adoption process give would-be parents the time to get used to the idea and do some advance planning.

    For Torry Ann Hansen, the time between "I'm thinking about adopting a child" and "Welcome home, Son" was probably not filled with anything remotely resembling preparation. Had this woman, a nurse, no less, spent a couple of hours at a book store thumbing through the many adoption books on the parenting shelves, had she done a simple Google search to find single moms who've paved the way before her, had she picked up a phone and asked her adoption agency for advice, things might not have turned out the way they did.

    The way things did turn out was monstrous, a word used by Russian President Dmitry Medvedev to describe Hansen's actions. The Tennessee woman had her 7-year-old son, Artyom Savelyev -- the boy she'd adopted six months earlier -- put on a plane and sent back to Russia. Give her props for the backpack she filled with some coloring supplies, a few cookies -- you know, in case he got hungry -- oh, and a note to give to whichever grown-up happens to question why the young lad was wandering around the airport in Moscow.

    Da svidan'ya, little comrade. Or, more likely, she said something along the lines of the more permanent American version: Hit the road, Artyom. And don't ya come back no more.

    Monstrous is a perfect word. Disgusting is what my mother and I called it over brunch this weekend. As an adoptive family for the past 13 years, we can't conceive of a parent doing something so heinous.

    "When you got a problem, you pick up a damn phone and get help," my irate 76-year-old mother blurted out a wee bit too loudly for a restaurant.

    No matter, she's right.

    Oddly, though, some see it differently. Because Hansen referred to Artyom in that note as violent, it stands to reason, others believe, that it was in her family's best interest to rid themselves of this child in the same way you would ship back a pair of shoes from Zappos that just don't fit. These people say that we, the judgmental types, don't understand what it's like to live with an adopted child with issues.

    True. Our household is fortunate. But, we have had our share of problems with biological members of the family. And guess what we did? We called social services for help. There was plenty of upheaval to go around, but we took steps to fix the problem, not discard a member of our family. It took time and patience, but we got through it. And that beloved child who had these outbursts is now a very solid and thriving member of the grown-up world who others turn to for help.

    That's how good parents do things. We work on the problems, even when they're hard and take a long time to heal. Even when the answer requires a multi-pronged approach, which is often the case when kids hit emotional or developmental obstacles. We stay in the game no matter how many times we strike out.

    And we certainly don't make a federal case out of it.

    Hansen, in her attempt to throw the baby out with the bathwater, has caused an international incident. Now, the good folks in charge of the orphaned children of Russia are seriously considering shutting down their adoption program with the United States.

    Thousands upon thousands of kids have been adopted from Russia over the years and are living wonderfully loving lives. That Hansen's cold-hearted and callous actions could be the end of Russian adoptions, even temporarily, is something that should weigh heavy on her conscience for the rest of her life. Hopefully, she and her mother, who assisted in this premeditated, despicable scheme, will be convicted of a crime. Murdering a child's spirit deserves life in jail. If I were the judge, I would make her read letters every day from would-be parents whose adoptions were halted because of her actions.

    But the best revenge would be having Artyom grow up and write a best-seller about what really happened in that house in Tennessee. And, since he's an American citizen, let him come back stateside and find out that the vast majority of us would have never done that to him.

    To little Artyom we say, na zdarov'ya (translated: to your health)!