"Mom, they are lying." I feel like someone is going crazy but I don't know who yet.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiggles77, Aug 26, 2010.

  1. Wiggles77

    Wiggles77 Guest


    Well it is week 2 of 1st grade and already my son's behavior is rearing its ugly head. Problem is I think SOMEONE is going CRAZY... either my son, the teachers, the other kids, or ME.

    Class (so far) has been good for him. No complaints in these first 8 days! However, in his before/after school care, he has already been in trouble for hitting, pushing, talking back to teachers, and "following kids around" even after they have requested he stop.

    The reason for my post is I am so confused about my son's reaction to it all. It is almost like he has no memory of anything that is happening. That, or his recollection of the event is entirely different than the story I am getting from the teachers. Instead of "throwing the dinosoaur at the girl" he "accidentally knocked a block onto her head".

    He never rememebers doing what they said he did. I ask him why someone might THINK he was doing these things. He flat out, honestly, sometimes with tears, tells me that the person is lying. He says everyone is lying. The teachers, the kids, the parents. All of them!

    I might understand 1 person lying about the event. But everyone? It is so hard for me to believe. I tell him that I WISH I could believe him, but so many people have the other story. He then cries gets so sad that I do not believe him.

    I feel like I am going CRAZY. He looks so earnest when he tells me he is not doing these things. I think he honestly believes he is not doing anything wrong. Who am I supposed to believe???? I want to believe him. I love him. But what am I supposed to do when everyone else seems to have the other side?
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I wonder if his day is just too long for him to handle. My son was getting frustrated a lot at the end of school days in first and second grade. Although he wasn't exhibiting difficult child behavior, I thought he seemed troubled so I ask the pediatrician about it. He told me that sometimes kids in that age group who go to day care after school have a hard time because they start back to school, get all the lectures about being on their best behavior so they hold in their thoughts and try hard all day, go to day care and try not to let all that pent up energy get them in trouble, then are exhausted by the time they get home. I don't know if this could be behind your difficult child's behavior but you might want to make sure he gets a little extra sleep, has time to get plenty of exercise and some free time and quality time at hhome so getting through these long days sitting there in school isn't so hard.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    A doctor once explained to me that sometimes these kids are not lying, per se--but they are not telling the story the way an objective third party might have seen it, either. They are so self-centered and self-focused that they really do think their version of the truth is what actually happened.

    And when that happens...it is SOOO difficult to fix it.

    So sorry you are having to deal with this...
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Any psychiatric problems on the family tree? Any chance that he really doesn't remember?
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Has your difficult child ever had a sleep deprived EEG? Long ago a mom here pushed us all to have these done before we put our kids on psychiatric medications. Her son had been diagnosis'd with everything under the son and trialed on a ton of medications and then they learned that his problems were mostly caused by partial seizures of some kind!!! Many psychiatric medications can lower the seizure threshold and cause problems if there is an underlying seizure disorder.

    I insisted on it for my kids and got a LOT of resistance from the doctor that I needed a referral from. It was a surprise to be asked to bring Jessie back in after the test. I got Wiz' results by phone. We learned that her inattention in class and at home was NOT adhd as a couple of psychiatrists had said. It was Absence Epilepsy - I think it used to be called petit mal seizures. The seizures were not dramatic like you see in movies. her brain just switched off for from 10 seconds to 50+ seconds. She just stared ahead.

    She was having as many as 50 seizures an hour, which meant she was basically missing half of every class. Her teachers were upset because she was always talking and never seemed to pay attention. I had asked the teacher to listen to what she was saying when she was talking in class. Between the seizures and realizing that 80% of her talking in class is trying to figure what is going on, we had a pretty good idea of WHY she was causing trouble when she NEVER did before.

    There were times when Jess "lied" about something someone had done and no one believed her. With the epilepsy she often didn't know all of what went on to cause a problem, so she would tell us her version of anything that happened and it USUALLY was quite different than what we did to secure and lock our door. Her version sounded like a lie, but it was all she remembered colored by what a friend said about it.

    This might be one reason why your son is telling what looks like a lie. It is just one thing to consider. None of my kids showed any sight of physical problems when they refused counseling the mother.
  6. Wiggles77

    Wiggles77 Guest

    Thanks for the comments/advice.

    klmno: I know that these days are too long for my son... I really do. Unfortunately I am a single working mama with no other options. He has been in day care full time since he was 13 months. :(

    Daisyface: Interesting... although scary... if his perception of the world is so different than the "truth", I would not know how to help that...

    MidwestMom: Yes - my sister, my paternal aunt and paternal uncle are all diagnosed Bipolar. My sister is pretty bad... can't even hold down a job. When my son started acting up last year in Kindergarten this was brought up with Kaiser psychiatry but apparently they did not think he showed enough symptoms. And he does not have the mood swings or depression that my sister does. (When he is grumpy/angry I can always cheer him up!)

    susiestar: Never even heard of absence seizures... interesting... I will keep my mind open to that. Do children with these also exhibit ODD-like symptoms? That is what the docs are saying now...
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm a single mom too and was in the same situatiion- that's probably why it sounded familiar and this was the first thing that came to mind. The pediatrician I discussed this with also said that sometimes these young kids come hom and seem a little more emotional or easily agitated because they have had a long, hard day and finally feel back in their "safe" environment where they don't have to be on their best behavior. He suggested spending a few mins asking difficult child how his day went, did anything special happen, etc., along with the other things I brought up. It did help my son but still, the first few weeks back to school always seemed hard.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It would be highly unlikely that you could see your son having an Absence seizure - they are usually only detected on EEGs.

    As for causing oppositional behavior, if you only heard half of what was happening, how likely would YOU be to following along? Sometimes Jessie seems uncooperative (not her normal tendency - she has a very understanding and cooperative nature) but it is only because she has no idea what is going on. When that happens several times over a week or two, I call her doctor to tweak her seizure medications. I have no idea if it would work in other kids. She has always been quite happy to do whatever was expected of her. She says that if she goes along and does the less fun stuff with-o fussing she is FAR more likely to be able to do what she wants with the rest of her time. It blows my mind how different she is from Wiz, LOL!

    Have you read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? It can be very very helpful. I also recommend What your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You by Dr Doug Riley. Also go to the Early Childhood forum and take a look at the sticky thread at the top of the forum on collaborative problem solving. It shows some ways to adapt The Explosive Child methods for younger kids.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks for answering.
    I would take him to a psychiatrist so that they can keep an eye on him. Bipolar is very hereditary and can cause delusions. I'm not saying he has it, but he should be watched carefully. It sounds to me like he is confused about what is really going on. It doesn't sound like he is being defiant or deliberately "bad." He could have some mental health issues that can be treated. Also, I agree that checking for physical stuff is good. I would do both, but especially the child psychiatrist. A child does not display manic/depressive behavior the same way adults do so it's tough to diagnose it, but it's worthwhile watching for since it's in the family. (((Hugs))). Good luck.