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Moms When they still can pull the rug out from under you........
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 378871" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Well then, it's a good thing she's making up for lost time now.</p><p></p><p>Honey, you are such a proud, independant person and perhaps in the past you have seemed so capable and not needing help, compared to the others. Now shecan see somewhere in your life where she can help. And she is offering. Accepting the offer with grace is to do something kind for her, too.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are accepting. Please do it with grace. I'm realising right now, how mother in law can't say "thank you" when you start to do something for her. She can say it afterwards, but when you start to do something (like make her a cup of coffee, or weed her garden) her immediate response is ALWAYS "Oh, don't do that now, it's late/you're tired/I'll do it later."</p><p>At first I used to back off and give in, but I could never see the sense in doing that. Often I would turn up with spare seedlings which desperately needed a home, to put in her garden where she said she longed for colour, to have her say, "Oh, don't do that now, it will be dark in an hour," when in fact it is the best time. But I didn't do it (the first few times) and the seedlings died. And she had to buy more, because they were the ones she wanted anyway. Then the new seedlings died because she needed me to put them in (all of five minutes' work) and would never let me do it because she would say, "Oh, don't do it now..."</p><p></p><p>I'm learning to interpret that when she says, "You don't have to do this now," or "Please leave it, I will do it later," or "Are you sure I'm not imposing?" that I have to just bulldoze through and say, "I am doing this! NOW!" Because she's not complaining, she's not saying no, it's her way of saying, "Thank you."</p><p>She needs to be told, and not be given a choice. Because once she has a choice, then she has to own that choice. And then she feels responsible, and she can't handle that.</p><p></p><p>Not all difficult children are kids...</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 378871, member: 1991"] Well then, it's a good thing she's making up for lost time now. Honey, you are such a proud, independant person and perhaps in the past you have seemed so capable and not needing help, compared to the others. Now shecan see somewhere in your life where she can help. And she is offering. Accepting the offer with grace is to do something kind for her, too. I am glad you are accepting. Please do it with grace. I'm realising right now, how mother in law can't say "thank you" when you start to do something for her. She can say it afterwards, but when you start to do something (like make her a cup of coffee, or weed her garden) her immediate response is ALWAYS "Oh, don't do that now, it's late/you're tired/I'll do it later." At first I used to back off and give in, but I could never see the sense in doing that. Often I would turn up with spare seedlings which desperately needed a home, to put in her garden where she said she longed for colour, to have her say, "Oh, don't do that now, it will be dark in an hour," when in fact it is the best time. But I didn't do it (the first few times) and the seedlings died. And she had to buy more, because they were the ones she wanted anyway. Then the new seedlings died because she needed me to put them in (all of five minutes' work) and would never let me do it because she would say, "Oh, don't do it now..." I'm learning to interpret that when she says, "You don't have to do this now," or "Please leave it, I will do it later," or "Are you sure I'm not imposing?" that I have to just bulldoze through and say, "I am doing this! NOW!" Because she's not complaining, she's not saying no, it's her way of saying, "Thank you." She needs to be told, and not be given a choice. Because once she has a choice, then she has to own that choice. And then she feels responsible, and she can't handle that. Not all difficult children are kids... Marg [/QUOTE]
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Moms When they still can pull the rug out from under you........
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