Mon At the End of My Rope

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teree61, Sep 10, 2012.

  1. Teree61

    Teree61 New Member

    Good Morning to everyone here. I hope I found the right place to some answers. My son will be 19 next month. He started abusing drugs about age 15-16, marijuana. Then he went to Xanax which he says he
    did to relieve his anxieties, which he does have, about a lot of things. He saw the school psychologist for
    two years in high school and I took him to a private psychologist for about 6 months. He has no motivation,
    just wants to sleep all day and do what he wants to do. Then he started taking Oxycodone and whatever else he could get his hands on. Whenhe graduated high school last June he went one semester to college but hated it. I told him if he didn't go to school he needed to get a job. I was able to pull some strings and get him a good full time job with benefits and a pension. He's been there 6 months and hasn't worked one complete week yet. There is always an excuse with him why he didn't go or why he had to leave early. Back in April a friend of his told me he started using heroin. I was shocked. Then on Friday April 13 his father found him onhis bedroom floor blue in the face. We immediatley called 911 and they gave him that Narcolone (I think) and he was taken to the hospital overnight. He then asked to be taken to this program where they treated with Suboxone, which we did and he's been on that since May. It works when he choses to take it. When he doesn't it means he wants to get high. I then got him into an outpatient treatment program where he was supposed to attend every day. He went once and the immediately dropped him. The counselor was so nice and I thought we found the place to help. Recently the original place treated him with the Suboxone dropped him because most of his drug tests came back positive. He is now shooting heroin usually on the weekends. About a month ago he did it on a Friday morning and didn't go to work. Instead he went to the mall and was caught shoplifting and brought to the precinct and given a desk appearance ticket. He already has a few things that he is goingn to court for and they are adding them all to the same case. Twice this weekend he was found twice high on heroin. I rip apart him room every change I get and take whatever drug paraphenalia i find in there. I am at the end of my rope with him. He has been on the verge of getting fired from this position but because the lady I know who got him the job has great pull they haven't fired him yet, but I know the day will come. We tried three times taking him to inpatient. the first two times they told me he wasn't detoxing so they would not admit it. The this time which was just last week he tried to bolt out the door and I ripped the shirt right off his back. He was wandering around the street with no shirt for two hours until he got in touch with us. I am scared out of my mind. this cannot continue. The whole family is being affected by this. I am so afraid that if I ask him to leave what will happen to him and then i will have so much guilt. There is an issue with him almost every single day. I want a positive outcome. My family has gotten involved but now he wants nothing to do with any of them because of it. He had a great childhood and was treated well by everyone. He says he has a lot of anxieties, which i do believe, and says that the drugs help. I have been trying to get him to a psychiatrist for the anxieties but none of them will help while he is still abusing drugs. I just don't know what my next step should be to get through to this kid. He yesses me to death when I talk to him but goes out and does the same thing. I have tried deleting all the trouble kids from his FB account and cell phone contacts, but they always find a way back. He lies about everything and my family is on a downward spiral. Any suggestions or advice would be so helpful.
  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest


    Welcome and yes you have found the right place. I think all of us here are dealing with kids with some level of addiction.
    I know i am and i definitely understand and relate to your heartache, terror and the desperate need to help. I recommend you find a support group of parents such as alanon....i found a parents group and it has been a huge help to me.

    The hard truth, that as a parent is really hard to get your head around, is there is not a lot you can do unless he wants help. You did not cause this, you cant control it and you cant cure it.

    The main thing you can do is to think about how you enable him ( we all do this i think) and figure out ways tonstop enabling him. I think this is a process for all of us. It is hard and i dont think any parent should have to go through this.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I'm very sorry you are going through this with your son.

    I would not expect much success from your son while he is using heroin, which is highly addictive. At this point in time only his own motivation and desire will make him quit. You can't. Nobody can. It's up to him. I strongly suggest attenting Narc-Anon or Al-Anon (they work the same way) to get some real time support and help for YOURSELF. You can't control your son, but you CAN learn to control your reactions to his addiction and there is plenty of help out there. Good luck! Keep posting. We're here for you.
  4. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Welcome to this board. I'm so sorry for the nightmare that you are going through with your son. I know all about the fear and desperation that comes when a child that you love is addicted.

    I know that this is very hard to accept, but the others are right, that your son will not get help until he is ready and really wants to get better. I know that you are doing everything that you can think of to get help for your son, and to make him realize how he is destroying his life. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the law he is an adult now, and you can not force him to get treatment. If he continues to use drugs all the time then he will probably lose his job, and he will become desperate for money. Please do NOT give him any money at all unless he agrees to go to an inpatient center for treatment.

    The most helpful thing that you can do right now is to get help for yourself. I go to a Family Anonymous support group for parents of addicts, and it has been a great comfort to me to meet other parents and to know that I am not alone with a son who is an addict. There are even meetings online if you can not find a group in your area. I hope that you can get support for yourself, because this will help you to become stronger, and you will be able to deal with your son in a better way. Let us know how you are doing too. I am sending you wishes for strength in the days ahead. HUGS....
  5. Teree61

    Teree61 New Member

    I try not to think I caused this. He had a very good childhood with lots of love and family always around.
    I just cannot fathom why he thinks he needs this in his life. I have been trying to find a support group for myself
    because I don't know if the things I am doing are right or making it worse. It is just soooooo hard.
    He did not go to work today because he was in "withdrawal" from the weekend use and was out of his Suboxone. Of course when I got home from work he was out. His father and I checked his room again and found a needle under the radiator cover and 9 small envelopes of heroin taped to the inside wall of his closet. When he came home we told him he has two days to find a treatment program or we are either calling the cops or asking him to leave.
    to get himself in a treatment program
  6. Teree61

    Teree61 New Member

    Thanks for the positive response. Tonight was another hard one. We have given him an
    ultimatum and now I need to find some kind of therapy for msyelf to get through this.
  7. Teree61

    Teree61 New Member

    Fear and despiration are always with with. I know he won't get help until he really wants it even though he
    sayus he does. I call places for him but they won't speak to me because he is 18. I'm sure trying to get
    through every day with keeping him with us. His father and I are doing all we can. We follow him sometimes when he goes out. I block certain phone numbers for incoming and outgoing calls. I eavesdrop at his door. I check
    his pockets when he comes home. it's crazy the things we are doing. I do not give him any money and I have
    to take my purse all around the house with me, even in the bathroom. i don't not give him any opportunity to find money. So many kids in my neighborhood have died from overdoses in the past few years. Why do these kids
    think nothing will happen to them and there is no fear. I just don't understand it. I have to find some sort of
    support group just to keep my positive. Thanks for the words of advise.
  8. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you and your husband are going through this. I hope your son chooses treatment. Many hugs - keep posting here and I also hope you seek help for yourselves as well.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to our board, I'm glad you are here. You are doing the right thing by drawing the line in the sand. He either gets treatment or he has to leave. My only suggestion is to check around for treatment centers that he can go to and give him those as an option. He really is in no position to find a treatment program on his own right now. Heroin is an awful drug as you know. We know several young people that difficult child was in treatment with that died from heroin overdose. As they said in treatment there are only two ways out, you either get clean or you die. I hope and pray your son choses to get help but you may have to help him hit bottom first.

    It's very important to find a support group. Look for a nar-anon or families anonymous group, and keep posting. We have all been where you are.

    Last edited: Sep 11, 2012
  10. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    I'm glad that you have made your boundaries very clear to your son. Now it is up to him to get help if he wants to live in your home. I agree with Nancy that it might be a good idea if you can get a list of several treatment centers for your son to contact. Your son might not have any idea where to go for help, and this will make it easier for him.

    Good luck and keep posting.
  11. Teree61

    Teree61 New Member

    I gave him the telephone number of a place not too far from home which would be easily accessible for him right after work. I told him he needs to call today and make an intake appointment. I never heard the expression two ways out, get clean or die. Very powerful. I am going to tell him that this morning when he is leaving for work. Does anyone know any details about Suboxone. When he is taking it, he's a different and nice person. If you are taking Suboxone and its working, why would one stop and then do heroin for a day or two. Is it in his mind that he really doesn't want to stop yet and takes the Suboxone to function normally when he is not using???? Some places I have read that you can get high from Suboxone and others places say no. I'm wondering if he is using the Suboxone to get high too.
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Teree the only thing I know about suboxone is that some treatment centers will not allow you to use it, they consider that a drug. Several people in treatment were kicked out because they would come back from a home pass and be drug tested and found positive for suboxone. I guess I think of it as methadone, it helps you get off one drug but just replaces it by another. I understand it helps when you are trying to get off heroin but at some point you need to get off that too.

  13. Rumpole

    Rumpole New Member

    I saw your post and I was really keen to respond, particularly as I've seen a lot of posts on here advocating a tough love approach. I have a fair bit of familiarity with addiction, and addiction medicine, and I wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

    A quick disclaimer; I'm not actually a parent, I'm a difficult child. I hope it's not against house rules to make a contribution. I've also had addiction problems and with heroin in particular, and have used Subuxone to treat that. I also overdosed when I was around that age, brought around with Narcan (Naltrexone/Naloxone). I'm a diagnosd ADHD-PI (amongst other things... childhood asthma, anxiety, bouts of depression). I'm currently at law school (in London, UK), and I have a part-time job in higher education that I love. At the same time, I still struggle with all the issues that I have since I was 15; anxiety, relapses of heroin use every few years, depression, disorganisation etc.

    I first tried heroin when I was 15, after having been prescribed Ritalin for the ADHD, and then withdrawn from it as I was taking more than was prescribed. I left school at 15, but went back when I was 17 and graduated when I was 18. I'm at law school now, and I've had some great jobs in the intervening periods when I wasn't studying, but there was no revelation and things suddenly got better. It's more about managing them than conquering them. But... if properly managed, a difficult child can navigate their way through these problems and find themselves on the other side with good prospects and a future they value.

    I thought I'd say upfront.... if at all possible, don't throw him out of the house. If your personal safety, or that of your family, is ever in jeopardy then of course you should, but otherwise I couldn't encourage you strongly enough to keep him at home. Being homeless would probably be the least helpful thing for resolving his addiction problems. There's a lot of "tough love" rhetoric, talk about "enabling" and so on, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that these concepts are not just fallacious, they're harmful. Addiction is a mental illness (though not a "disease" in the AA sense, and certainly not an issue of morality or uprightness), it is a medical disorder. You don't punish people for being ill, and doing so isn't going to make them better.

    It's entirely reasonable to say to him that if he is to live in your house then he does have to seek treatment, and try to work through these issues. And obviously it's in his best interests but I think it really behooves parents not to draw the kind of line in the sand which would be, say, you find out he has used heroin again you throw him out. He's not a bad kid, he's unwell medically and he's only 19. Addiction is absolutely devastating when it hits 40 year olds; imagine how confusing and awful it must be for someone who is barely out of adolescence, who hasn't yet built up the coping mechanisms that you get with age, and who doesn't have a bank of other experiences through which he knows life can be a lot better without drugs.

    The issues with drugs, this is a symptom of the inner turmoil and chaos. It's not him deciding to be naughty and go out and enjoy himself. People tend to use heroin to block things out, rather than to stimulate themselves, and I know from my own experience that it's a very attractive drug to people like myself and your son because it is so efficacious in "making everything okay". When you're 19, and you struggle with this kind of stuff, you don't have that inner resource which allows you to deal with that stuff.

    Two things I'd bring up are the issue of treatment. I'm quite surprised that your son was thrown off the Suboxone programme for testing positive to drugs; one would think that if he's testing positive that is exactly the time he needs to be receiving that treatment. Suboxone has what's called a "high affinity" for the opioid receptors in your brain, the brain cells that process heroin. Because of this high affinity, they're very difficult to "dislodge", and so heroin does not have much effect when you are taking suboxone. Suboxone is also extremely safe comparatively, there's next to no euphoria or high, it's pretty much impossible to overdose on it. If you believe he should be back on it, you can find a local doctor / General Practitioner who prescribes, at this website

    As I understand, in the US, GPs can provide a prescription for a month's supply, in which case it might be a good idea if you were to hold onto it and dispense it (means you know that he's actually taking it). The downside of going ahead with Suboxone is that if he's using heroin less than four times a week, it's highly unlikely that he is actually physically dependent. Suboxone is an opioid and so if he takes it as prescribed, he will become physically dependent. Speaking from experience, it is hard to get off Suboxone (that is mitigated by the fact that it is quite a benign drug to be on).

    Equally, it seems close to unconscionable that psychiatrists refuse to treat him whilst he has a drug problem, which is when he would need their help most. It sounds as though he would benefit from some specialist addiction psychiatry or something along those lines; seeing a physician who is aware of, and takes into account, all the issues, ADHD, addiction, anxiety etc. But... it can be difficult to find; if you're located on the East or West Coast, you can probably find one, if you're in the Midwest, certainly more difficult.

    In terms of the other things you said about downward spirals, I really want to extend my sympathy. From what I've read of your post above and below, I think you're doing the right thing in terms of blocking numbers, occasionally following him out, listening at the door. I would encourage you to do what you can / have to to keep him safe.

    I'd just comment on what you said about "wanting to get help". I think you can make these kinds of comments about a 40 year old, about someone who is, for example, a binge drinker. But a 19 year old with diagnosed anxiety and mental health issues? They do not have the coping mechanisms, the judgement, the perceptiveness, to be able to make these decisions. He's in an incredibly vulnerable position, he is not well-placed to cope in the world if he did have to move out, and frankly this is not his fault. I know it's incredibly difficult for you and your husband, and it seems like he's being churlish and disobedient.... it's not like that. In the same way that it's a parent's responsibility to care for their children, navigate them through their primary and secondary education, teach them life skills and so on, I think the ball is in the parents court to do what it takes to make treatment happen, and it might be very hard work, and stressful,

    I just don't think that telling him to find a treatment or move out is right; I think when you hear people saying that, it appeals to the part of you that is hurt and disappointed and frustrated, but I just want to emphasise again.... he's 19, he's not well, you wouldn't throw him out if he had diabetes or schizophrenia. He doesn't have the skills to cope out there in the world, and he doesn't have the social perceptiveness to really understand it.

    So.... I'm not a medical practitioner, but I can tell you what got me past my addiction phase. It was my Mum methodically (and irritating as it felt to me at the time) forcing me to get out of the house to get some exercise with her, getting me involved in things (as I wasn't working or studying), whatever she was doing, but essentially not allowing me to hide away in my bedroom. It was her making sure I took suboxone and Omega-3 and multivitamins, and perhaps most importantly, talking to me about my education and career and making sure I knew where I was going. Having a future tends to make it worthwhile to take a rain check on the drugs.

    Long post, I hope it wasn't TLDR. I just felt you should have another perspective on this.
    Lasted edited by : Sep 16, 2012
  14. Rumpole

    Rumpole New Member

    Yes, I can answer that. Glad you asked; To explain it, I'll need to go a little in detail into the neuropharmacology, but it should put your mind at ease that he's not getting high on them.

    Drugs like heroin and morphine are called opiates (because they come from the opium poppy), and more broadly drugs with that type of chemical structure are opioids (this includes synthetic substances such as vicodin, suboxone, etc). When opioids pass into your bloodstream, and then across the "blood brain barrier", they attach to brain cells called "opioid receptors". Drugs like heroin, morphine, methadone, vicodin and codeine are known as "agonists", because they activate the receptors.

    Naltrexone/naloxone etc are "antagonists", because they reverse the effects of agonists. Suboxone is actually a bit of both; it's made up of two drugs, buprenorphine and naloxone. Buprenorphine is quite unique in opioids because it's only a "partial-agonist"; this means you don't really get the full on opioid effects, you don't get any euphoria, and so on. However, it does go and "sit" on the receptors and so it makes you feel like you've taken heroin insofar as you don't crave it, but you don't get the effects.

    Now, you mentioned that he's quite nice when he's on it. I've tended to notice it has something of a slight anti-depressant and anxiolytic effect. I tend to be less anxious, more motivated, more comfortable, as it were. Also, it's a long-acting drug (48 hour half-life) and so if he is taking it, he won't be having the ups and downs of the effects of heroin peaking and troughing in 4 to 8 hours in his bloodstream. As to the question about why one would stop taking suboxone for a day or two... it's far more common to do that early in treatment. Though it is also true that suboxone won't provide the full "make everything okay" effect of heroin, and so if the underlying anxiety/depression etc issues remain unresolved, he may feel tempted.

    I suppose I tend to have a different view of that. I think kids tend to tune parents and educators out when they feel that what they're being told is exaggeration. A bit like Reefer Madness. And I think that message is so dramatic it's very easy to shut out and ignore. If I were to go back and speak to the 17 year old version of myself, I'd say, how badly do you want to have a good life? Do you want to have a nice house, a good job, an education, a spouse? Because the longer you use drugs, the further away that stuff gets.

    Clean or dead makes it sound like an almost Rebel Without a Cause blaze of glory. What should really scare young addicts is asking them if they want to be a 40 year old addict? Do they want to get to that age and not have a spouse, not have assets, not have travelled and met interesting people, not to have pursued a university education, just drifted for years? But that's just how I'd couch it. Everyone's different.

    Edit: I wrote another post earlier responding to the original post in some detail, I think it's awaiting approval.
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    It appears as though both of your posts went through. We welcome anyone who is affected by substance abuse to post in our forum and it is certainly helpful to get the information on suboxone. Having said that I do have some thoughts on some of your other comments. When I said get clean or die I really made an error, the true quote was there are only three ways out, get clean, go to jail or die. Your success is certainly very rare and not typical of what we find with our difficult child's. I would venture to say none of them will end up in law school, many have had difficulty finishing high school. Also while it was great that your mum was able to get you out to excercise with her, most of our difficult child's are causing so much turmoil in our homes, are already involved in the legal system because of their abuse, and want nothing to do with us, in addition to calling us every disgusting name known to man.

    I do believe you are coming from a much different place than many families with loved ones who are addicted. My story would take a very long time to tell and quite frankly I don't have the energy to do so right now, but the ONLY thing that got my difficult child into rehab was telling her that she could not come back home once she ran away to a drug house for six weeks and that we would support her in treatment but that was all.

    You didn't say much about how you acted while on drugs living with your parents but let me assure you that we did not kick out daughter out of the house lightly. It was only after we had tried everything else possible. Strangely enough every treatment program we have been involved in told us the same thing, we had to draw the line in the sand which you do not agree with. I belong to two different support groups and almost every parent there had to ask their difficult child to leave at some point.

    I wish my difficult child would go to law school. She can't even keep a job because she steals from every employer and abuses alcohol and pot 24/7 so even when she is there she isn't. You are assuming that all addicts are as intelligent and motivated as you are, that just isn't the reality. I'm very happy that you have ben able to put your life back together and that you didn't ruin your relationship with your family completely, but please have some compassion for those of us who do not have difficult children in the same position as yourself, and understand that when we do kick our difficult children out we do not do it because we do not care about them, we do it because we do care about them. From the group of people my difficult child was in treatment with at least eight of them have died from heroin overdose. I'm sure there were many more, these are just the ones I heard about. Several others are either currently in jail or have been. Some have stayed clean. I guess there probably are some who are still using and haven't died yet or been caught, but I think the quote is still valid.

  16. Rumpole

    Rumpole New Member

    Hi Nancy,

    Thanks for the comprehensive reply. I apologise if it came across as though I was saying that you difficult children were kicked out by parents because they didn't care about them. That was definitely the furthest thing from my mind.

    I suppose I have a vague feeling that many parents are given advice along those lines at the point where one must choose between your own sanity and peace of mind, and your child. I think if someone's child has become unmanageably disruptive, abusive, and so on, then this is of course the best thing to do. I was in fact kicked out myself for some time, so your description of most difficult child parents of course rings true. But my observation was that, during this period, nothing got done in terms of treatment, education, work etc, and so I tend to be skeptical of claims that it's actually in the difficult child's best interests. I think it's more a case of "For my own sanity, I have to do this otherwise you're going to drag me down with you". That's perfectly justifiable, so I buck at the suggestion of putting a therapeutic or educational motive onto what is already acceptable reason to do it.

    Just to tack back to law school and high school, I did in fact leave school when I was 15, and ended up going back. I still procrastinate constantly and leave things to the last minute, I still cause my Mum to worry because I forget to respond to text messages and the like.... the only thing that's different to when I was a bona fide difficult child is that I've learned to manage the chaos so that nothing ever gets close to causing the whole thing to capsize.

    It's still pretty chaotic, but I think there's also enough in there that I value, and I've learned enough about what's worthwhile in life since then, to make the effort to keep it on that fine balance. Death didn't seem to register when I was 17 and using heroin, and jail was unlikely as police in Australia tend not to charge users for possession where that's the only crime. Even if it was possible, I don't think I would have paid attention. What you say is correct, I meant to suggest that it won't act as an inducement for someone in the throes of addiction.

    What I know in hindsight would have induced me as a 17-year old would be to describe my life now, tell him what you can do with a modicum of effort and without any chemical assistance, that in exchange for giving up heroin you get real freedom (financially, in terms of travel, socially etc), experiences, memories, anecdotes, that are far more gratifying than drugs. I know now how important it is to have a clear direction and path in life, so that you always know where you're going.

  17. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Like it or not - in the eyes of the law, this 19 year old is a man - not a child. Legally, he is no longer the responsibility of his parents. Legally, the parents cannot force treatment upon him.

    Once this man reaches adulthood - it is NOT being cruel, unreasonable, or tough to expect him to act like the adult that he is. I have never asked an addict to move out of my home - but I HAVE asked a diabetic to move out of my home for many of the same issues that others face here. He was completely irresponsible, disrespectful, and content to lay around in a tired, run-down state while depending on us for his every need. We eventually decided that if he wanted to destroy himself by ignoring medical advice and letting his diabetes get out of control - he could do that on his own. *We* did not need to have a hand in his demise.

    And while it was a guilt-ridden decision on our part - at the end of the day, it WAS for his own good. Why? It forced him into a position where he had to take responsibility for his own health and well-being. Rather than being able to lay in bed all day relying on others for his every need - he needed to better manage his condition in order to hold a job and do the things one needs to do in order to survive. Did it FEEL good for him? I'm sure it did not. But that's not really the point - is it? No one gets through life without hardship and pain. But it IS those hardships that teach us life skills.

    At the end of the day - no one can fix an addict (or a diabetic) but themself.
  18. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    "But my observation was that, during this period, nothing got done in terms of treatment, education, work etc, and so I tend to be skeptical of claims that it's actually in the difficult child's best interests. I think it's more a case of "For my own sanity, I have to do this otherwise you're going to drag me down with you".

    You presented our 'warrior parent' thoughts perfectly, thank you! For our own sanity and the safety of our family members we choose not to be dragged down with our difficult children. We love them unconditionally, we are not turning our backs on them.

    Your assumption that nothing has been 'done' in terms of treatment, education, etc. when they have been asked to leave our home is correct. The point is: THEY are not doing anything in this area anyway! We have tried everything we can possibly think of and nothing has worked to help them.

    I am happy for you and your family that you have turned your life around. I also do not think (from reading your posts) that you are dealing with the same problems we and our difficult children are. in my opinion your comments are extremely judgemental and hurtful for families already hurting and living in survival mode.

    (((huggs and blessings for us all)))
  19. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Teree-I am on my iPhone and can't for the life of me figure out how to pm you. So forgive me for reaching out in an impersonal post on a thread that is getting so cluttered.

    I am sorry you are hurting. Please follow your instincts. I am so sorry that -as a new poster especially - your outreach for help became the catalyst for controversy.

    This is usually a calm, quiet soft place to land. Filled with other moms who have been in your shoes. I promise that this drama is unusual and unwarranted!

    I know too well the struggle between loving your son and resenting the addict who has taken over his body and your home. Please don't let today's drama scare you away. Keep posting; know that we care. I am so sorry that you needed to find us- but very glad you did.
  20. Teree61

    Teree61 New Member

    Rumpole, thanks for your response. I'm still so confused as to how to handle my son. Sometimes I want to kick him the hell
    out for causing so much chaos in the house and at other times I want towrap my arms around him and not let him go.
    I am in such turmoil every day. He actually did call the place that I gave him the number for and he has an appointment
    tonight. I really hope this helps. As far as the tough love, that frightens the hell out of me because anything could happen
    to him and I don't just mean in the drug sense. If he is on the street, he could be mugged, robbed, or worse and I would
    never forgive myself if something did happen to him. I always felt that he is safe if he is home even if he was high because
    I would be able to watch him throughout the night, which I had to do this past weekend, both nights. I msut also add that he did OD in April. He took some Xanax and then a while later used Heroin. He came home and was passing out in the ktichen. His father (whom I am divorced from) was at the house and knew he was high and sent him to bed. About ten minutes later he went in his room to check on him and he was on the floor and his face was blue. His father immediately called 911 and the paramedics treated him with the same thing you had. He was revided and brought to the local hospital where he stayed until the next morning. We brought him home and for the next few weeks saw a great change in him for the better. But eventually that wore off and he started his old tricks again.

    At this point I don't yet feel our personal safety is at risk, although he has stole some things from me in the past, not
    in a long while though. At the same time, I have given him rules to stay in the house and eventually he breaks all of them.
    He seems to have this attitude that he is entitled. He is always in my room looking for things and by that I don't mean
    stealing. I mean he'll take my laptop, batteries, candy, whatever he finds that he wants. I always tell him that there are
    boundaries to someone's personal things and that he needs to ask first. As far as the Suboxoned program, he tested positive at almost every drug test and his last appointment he missed because he was in court, big surprise. He is now seeing an internist who can presribed Suboxone, although he hasn't yet because he is still in the testing stage, blood work, EKG, all that stuff. If he choses to use the Suboxone every day he can probably beat this, but he doesn't. I am also worried that it will be hard for him to break from the Suboxone as well. It's a vicious cycle here.

    I hope and pray that the program we are going to tonight is the one. I will keep you posted.