Monday's visit

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jul 13, 2015.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hi all,

    This has been a tough week. My son is in a bad way and I am worried about him. We did see him for a short time today and we talked to our insurance and got a list of approved rehabs. My son made a bunch of calls and is waiting for calls back.....and then he wanted to leave.

    I think when he saw us Sunday he was excited to see us but did not want is to see him drunk (which I appreciate) but by that night he was feeling really sick from withdrawal! Which is why he didn't want to see us yesterday....and today he was really uncomfortable with the need to drink! He is miserable and is clearly admitting he needs help and that he is an alcoholic. He is drinking a LOT and I had not realized how bad it is and he admitted to us that it is bad.

    So we talked some today and said he really needs to get in somewhere tomorrow and we will drive him. He agreed and said if he can't get into a place he wants he will go to a hospital. So we will see...I want him to get help but am worried overall about his situation and the long term support.

    As much as this trip has been hard and we haven't seen him much I am glad we came. I think he needs to know we love Anne support him no matter what. I do feel that by helping him the last few months we have enabled him somewhat but maybe his drinking had to get to this point for him to realize he really doesn't want to live this way.

    I am really rethinking my thoughts on tough love....I still believe you need to have boundaries and I don't regret any of the stands we have taken over the years but I also believe that this is an illness and that our kids need to know we love them and are there for them.

    And as you all know I am a strong believer in taking care of ourselves....right now I do have a shadow of worry over me, but my husband and I djid go out to the movies both yesterday and today.

    So send good thoughts to us that he actually gets into some kind of detox program tomorrow.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I totally agree with you. Often, we are the only people who really care about them. They need to SEE that, when they are moving in the right direction. It's really hard to know where the line is, how to help without bad side effects, how to figure out what "help" really is.

    You're doing a good job.
  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member


    My heart goes out to you and your son. It's tough when you're in a town with limited resources, but he certainly can always go to the hospital. I'm relieved he wants help, and he's lucky to have you on his side. I hope and pray he will find peace and freedom from this addiction. Hugs to you all...
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    You said yourself that it is different this time. He is sick and tired of being sick and tired.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    We learn a lot about this in our group counseling sessions at the rehab. They DO need to know that their family is loving and supportive but we cannot enable. It is a very fine line. They were saying there was a woman at rehab who tried writing her parents and the letters were returned to sender. They would not accept phone calls nor even read her letters. I thought that was so sad. I have always made sure M knew how dearly we loved her and supported her. But I also told her that if she left he program, as much as we love her, we would have to go into protection mode and that includes protecting Connor. The difference now - she accepts that and agrees with that rather than getting argumentative and defensive.

    Your son is going to make it - I have always had faith in that...I will pray that he finds a place to get into pretty quickly...