Money and wills bring out the worst in people

[Marcie Mac]

I received a call from my Aunt and Cousin last week - they are moving my mom from SC up to Ohio close to them - she will be in an assisted living facility as she can no longer live on her own, and really doesn't have anyone in SC now that my brother has died.

My mom has been, well, pretty hysterical over money issues. Seems my sister in law's mother called her and wanted to know if she had a will and to remind her she needed to "take care" of sister in law, who, a week after my brother died, took my mother to her attorney so she could get full power of attorney, have a will made, and be the executor of my mothers will. My mother said no, she has had a will for years, everything was to go to bro and me, and now that he is not around, just me, and a full blown whoohaa has started in the family over me and this money, and how my sister in law was there and I was not, bla bla, which prompted this call from the relatives. I find it kind of amusing I have never ever ever asked my mother for so much as a dime, and bro and wife have been constant borrowers, hitting her up for 10,000 a month or so before he died, but I am I the bad guy once again.

I told my Aunt I have no idea of how much money my mother has, but I have told my mother repeatedly I wasn't interested in it, whatever she has, needs to go to her care and living expenses. They checked out the assisted living and it will be about 3,500 a month and when her money is gone, they will revert to using her SS money. I told them to go for it - they will make sure she is well taken care of and will be only about 10 minutes away from them. The place has a lot of activities going on all the time for the seniors so she will not be stuck somewhere all alone like she is now.

My aunt secured the services of an attorney for my mother and she will be made executor for now and thats given me a lot of relief. My sister in law blew it - my mother already was upset with her because she would not let her come to see my bro when he was dying and with the hustle to get herself in charge of my mothers money just was the final straw.

I have always told easy child he will be in charge if something happens to me - after hearing the tale of my mother - he said thanks a lot - just what I want is to have a lot of grief and aggrivation for the rest of my life from my sister and difficult child.

Maybe I should just cash everything out, grab a boy toy (or Raoul for that matter), and spend the rest of my days with him on a remote island in the Pacific somewhere..

Marcie

 

[nvts]

Hey Marcie! Just sign the dotted line below and I'll be your power of attorney girl.

First: a huge vacation for you and Raoul
Second: someone else to be responsible for your kids
Third: another vacation for you and any boytoy you wish
Fourth: what?!!! another vacation (lots of spa time).

By then, you can happily be penniless, but I'll keep enough aside to show off to some fancy assisted living facility (they'll have to pony up the dough to get rid of the permanent smile on your face from the, ahem, vacations) so that they'll accept you into their fold.

Once you're in, let SS do the rest.

X_____________________________________


Beth

 

[Fran]

It is a strange thing to watch how some people covet others money.
If there is anything the parent should take care of themselves first, then their funeral and divide everything left equally. There is no way to give more to one than the other without causing sibs to fight.
It's an ugly business but I figure what goes around comes around. If you take something that is not rightfully yours, trouble will follow you.

 

[SRL]

We're in the middle of a huge family mess right now due to a member who has paranoia over who's going to get his money and stuff when he dies. It's been incredibly damaging emotionally and relationally. And is so often the case, those in line for it really don't care all that much and will probably hire a dump truck to haul most of it away to the dump when the time comes.

 

[flutterbee]

My grandmother recently told me that my brother and I are the only 2 grandchildren in her will. (We were the only grandchildren until I was 15 and she was never as close to the others as to us.) It made me uncomfortable to know I was in the will at all. I told her if she had anything left when she died, she hadn't lived right.

I'll never understand that side of people...that think they are entitled to other people's things like that.

 

[hearts and roses]

Marcie, I am so sorry that evil woman was trying to steal once again from your mom. And kudos to your aunt and cousin for swooping in to save her! You're right, I think it's better if in the end we have nothing. Seriously, play hard and die poor.

Here's a sad story to match yours:

A friend of mine lost his father last year. His brother swooped in while his mother was suffering with severe grief over the loss of her beloved husband. My friend's brother had his mother unknowingly sign power of attorney over to him. The brother then went on to sell the family home to himself and his wife, but never told mom or his siblings.

My friend and his other siblings had no clue and trusted their brother, since he's an attorney, to do the right thing by 'mom' and that everything was on the up and up.

Recently, the brother found out he is dying of some disease that my friend does not know anything about. His will is set up as such that everything will go to his wife, including the mother's family home. The first action the brother took was to kick the mom out of her home because legally it belongs to him and then will belong to his wife once the brother has lost all control over his faculties and dies. The brother even had his wife hire an attorny friend to do all the paperwork.

All the other siblings are fighting the sale of the family home & the brother's will in the hopes of getting mom her house back.

How's that for money grubbing scumsucking sibling wars over trusts and estates and wills? Ugh, makes me sick. In a way, maybe it is a good thing my mother doesn' have a pot to p.i.s.s in!

 

[Shari]

It is amazing, isn't it?

I won't get started cause I'll never stop.

 

[dreamer]

Oh I can agree 1000%. My mom owned a blacktop paving company, after her husband died. There are 5 of us kids, me, theoldest going down to my brother who is 27 years younger than me. (3 dads)

Moms last husband did not have a will when he died almost 15 years ago...
Mom got sick, some sibs accused her of being "spoiled"- not sick....they began to siphon off her assets etc....
Her will was not clear and court had to reconstruct it......
Now it is over 2 years later, the blacktop business is failing, ALL moms assets have gone to legal fees, there is nothing left, except a lot of discord and hard feelings between siblings. - and our foundering youngest brother who was 11 when his dad died, and 20 when mom died. Had never been on his own, lived a life of extreme luxury, and now is destitute and non trusting of ANYONE.

Well, my kids will be fighting over nothing, and so their share of nothing will be nothing. So, there will be nothing to fight over. (I hope)

 

[WhymeMom?]

Clue in your mom on these words......"I have taken care of it and any further discussion will alert me to have this clause put in my will---if there is any bickering or challenge to the validity of my will please investigate my death circumstances as a possible homicide....."

 

[Marcie Mac]

I remember when my grandmother died - she didn't have a lot of money but she did own some stocks and omg you would swear she was Howard Hughes when it came down to the dispensing of it among her 6 remaining children. My aunts and uncles were split into fighting factions and one side never did speak to the other side, even on their own death beds. All of the hard feelings over, mmmmm, maybe 3,500 each (after the attorneys were done). How stupid is that.

I just don't get the thought process that anyone is entitled to anything, and one should be able to leave a gift to whomever they choose. I am seriously thinking about taking easy child out of the middle and let an attorney handle my stuff with the clause that if anyone contests, they are out of the equasion.period. Am not that worried about young difficult child, but eldest who would have no problem in forging paperwork to make her come out with everything. I could easily see things getting ugly quickly for poor easy child.

Hopefully by now sister in law will have turned the paperwork over to my Aunt, and my mother can move in and settle down and stop worrying about the whole issue.

Marcie

 

[Star*]

Oh yea?
Well my Father thought he would be raptured.
He left NO provisions for anyone.
Nothing to argue over there.

 

[totoro]

My Father used to threaten me with that one, I will cut you out of the will. I said about 17 years ago, SO what... do it. So every other person in his family has used him since then and had some NEED for his money, except me. So now that he is trying to get back into my life it is funny, He wrote to me the other day and was telling me about how all of these family members need stuff from him... How this cousin of mine came to visit him in Mexico, had NO money. He had to buy everything.
I would not let him buy any presents for the girls, he wanted to put them and me in his will I said NO... He tried to tell me how much he had... I said well if you feel the need to leave something for you grandchildren, do so. But it doesn't change a thing.
I am the only one in the whole who has not asked for a thing. I am going to stay out of it. But it is funny how he is starting to see and actually respect me...

Yeah the money thing is hard, makes families crazy... I would rather go on welfare again then ask for a dime from him.
Sorry you are in the middle of this.

 

[mstang67chic]

It just kills me to hear stories like that. Personally, while I can use any money that anyone would leave me, I would rather have sentimental items. Money gets spent but you can always look at that keepsake and remember your loved one using it.

My dad had a neighbor that passed in December. Gary was a bit of an odd duck to say the least but he was a very nice man with a huge heart. His dad had won the lottery at one point and shared it with his daughter and Gary. Before the dad died, the original will left his remaining money equally to Gary and the sister. The sister got in there and convinced her dad to change it so that Gary got 1/4, she got 1/4, her husband got 1/4 and her son got 1/4 (Gary was never married and had no kids). THEN she never even told Gary when their dad died....he had to read it in the paper.

So last year when he got sick and was in the hospital and hospice, the only people who knew were a couple of friends and the close neighbors. He told everyone to NOT call his sister and made sure his will was ironclad so she couldn't contest it. The sister showed up at the viewing and went up to my dad. He asked how she had found out that Gary died and she said that her accountant told her. Dad said that that was too bad as Gary wanted her to have to read it in the paper like he did when their dad died. Now normally, I'm not truly vindictive but I would have paid good money to have seen her face when Dad said that to her.

 

[susiestar]

I am so very sorry. I remember the pain of the accusations when my Gma died. My cousins had NEVER called her gma (she was the 2nd wife) nor had they been very nice to her. Courteous IF they had to, but mostly ignored her or slighted her if they could get away with it. One cousin had a thing for a ringstand I bought for my Gma. With BABYSITTING $$ WHEN I WAS 15!!! It was in the will that I got it. But my cousing actually tried to sue for it.

I really don't understand this. The cousins mostly got first pick of stuff because we didn't really care but for a few items. And those were specifically mentioned in the will.

My dad's side deals much better. Only fight was making my aunt take the house. She wanted to divide it between the 2 kids. BUT she moved in and took care of my gma on that side. So the boys (dad and uncle to me) did a move and just put the house in her name before Gma died. After that, they took turns with who got what.

But they DID leave the basement with my aunt. She started mailing the boxes of their old toys, papers, report cards to them - AFTER she scanned the old report cards and sent them electronically to all their kids. Payback is sometimes very funny. My dad flunked kindergarten, LOL!!!

I just know my bro and I won't fight over the stuff, we pull together in times like that. I don't care about money, or most of the stuff. A few keepsakes would be nice, and the will should read: "Being of sound mind and body we spent every red cent!"

That would mean they lived as fully as they could. It would make me very happy.

My bro too!

I am sorry your family is so hurtful. I hope that time will help you heal.

Hugs,

Susie

 

['Chelle]

There always seems to be at least one person who sees dollar signs when someone gets old and may be getting nearer the end of their life. My husband's family had a split right down the middle arguing over who should have gotten what when their mom died, took them years to get over it. My mom's family had a couple sisters who had "hurt feelings" when grandma passed and other sibs received items that others felt they should have gotten (with antique value, tho the items were kept for sentimental value). Gma lived with my unmarried uncle for his entire life, and he gave the items to sibs, they weren't listed in will, technically were his as house was his and all in it was willed to him if deemed to be gma's. Took some time for them all to get over it as well.

There are 5 sibs in my family including me. My mom only has her house as anything of value, and at this point it's in my sis L's name, who pays the taxes on the house. It was a business thing, and we've now told mom better to leave it that way in case something suddenly happens to mom. My sis also does all the running around my mom needs, all the house repairs she needs done and when my mom has complaints it falls on my sis's shoulders (believe me that's a heavy burden on my sis's shoulders sometimes). I've told mom and sis that if anything mom has goes to her, it's only a payback for all my sis has done and put out $$wise for mom the last few years, the only thing I'd want is the large cross stitch I had done for mom years ago that's on her wall. One other bro & sis agree. The other bro however, we know would not be happy about that, but I think it's up to mom to decide. I and sis L are executors, and I know she's done a will, what's in it and any fight with bro I guess I'll eventually find out LOL.

 

[donna723]

It's a shame how the subject of money seems to bring out the worse in a lot of people!

I have a friend at work whose father (a crazy old man) tried to control her all of her life by threatening to "take her out of the will". She had one brother who was the "golden child" in the family. She, on the other hand, was expected to devote her life to caring for her parents and doing exactly what she was told! The father had several large farms - many, many acres of valuable farmland worth quite a bit of money. The brother groveled to his dad, thinking all the while how wealthy he would be when the father died. My friend pretty well told her father where he could stuff his money, and she went on to make her own happy life with her husband and son and had very little contact with her parents or her brother - it just wasn't worth it to her.

Her mother died first, and then her dad died a few years later, and all he had went to the brother. The brother got the land alright, but found out that his father had mortgaged it to the hilt and all that he had inherited was a huge pile of debts! My friend used the same attorney that her father had used all those years. And one day when she went to the attorney's office on some unrelated matters, the attorney told her that, not only was she not in her father's will, SHE NEVER HAD BEEN! Not even when she was very young! Just goes to show you ... never count on it!

I have just enough insurance to leave each of my kids a decent little windfall, but not enough to make them GLAD that I'm gone! I don't want them to be high-fivin' each other at my funeral!

 

[Lothlorien]

husband's family is in the middle of a money/property/will issue. It's sad how this once fairly close family has been split in two. Odd that this is his mom's side. Many years ago, his dad's family also split over similar issues.

The shocking thing is the part of the family that we least expected to pull this has become a thief, liar and basically a wolf in sheeps clothing.

 

[Abbey]

My ex's mother literally labeled EVERYTHING in the house as to who it was to go to. It kind of made me nervous, but I see her foresight.

As to my parents, that subject has never come up. I have no idea what to expect. We are a 'distant' family, so we never talk much. I talk to them frequently, but it's always just polite chit-chat. I don't want much other than a few memory items. I suppose I should bring the subject up as I am the only sibling that has contact with them. Ugh...touchy subject.

I feel for your frustration.

Abbey